Far Cry 4: 2014's King of Variety

Amidst the game breaking bugs, hilarious glitches, numerous DLC's, linear first-person shooters, and very long and involved RPG's, it's hard for a game to make an impact in November.  And this year, every developer and publisher held onto their games like newborn babies and then released them in meandering herds with various online issues, uneven gameplay, and broken stories.  Leading the problematic developer pack is Ubisoft with their nearly-broken-in-every-way AC: Unity.  But just a short seven days later that same company released another game called Far Cry 4.  Now, instead of gamers being worn out by the franchise's forth iteration, this pixelated adventure has actually helped lessen the blow Ubisoft took from the unbelievable mess that is Unity.  Why?  Why might Far Cry 4 be the somewhat savior of Ubisoft?  Because it’s a pixelated adventure that gives you unbelievable gaming diversity and more than forty hours of gameplay for $60 bucks.  Not to mention, outstanding voice acting, hilarious dialogue, and just all-around hell-raising fun.

Wild animal parties can be a good time, just don't invite the Rhinos, they ruin everything...and will 

drink your last beer.

FAR CRY's GAMEPLAY:

You'll hunt rhinos with a shotgun, fish with grenades, assassinate lieutenants, sneak through rave parties, ride angry elephants, stuff bad guys in trunks, parachute out of airplanes, repel down mountains, engage in bad drug trips, accidentally or purposely hit civilians with your car, fly helicopters into fortresses, jump off cliffs, fight naked in arenas, wrestle lions, and carry your mom's ashes all in the first ten hours of gameplay.  And all that has nothing to do with how you play.  The best thing about Far Cry 4 is you get to accomplish any of your goals in your own way.  Aside from a few campaign missions that have to be completely stealthy, you're free to finish all the other missions and side missions anyway you see fit.  Do you like shooting rockets at bad guys and watching them explode into little pieces?  Have at it.  Would you rather crawl your way through an outpost with just a silenced pistol and knife?  That form of gameplay is available too.  How about heading into the middle of a fortress with nothing but a bow and arrow like Rambo?  Yep, it's all possible.  Far Cry 4 doesn't limit your options at all.  In fact, it gives you so many, it's likely you'll become distracted.

"Dude, I told you to kill it, not wear it like a hat."

SIDE MISSIONS:

Even though the main mission and main side missions are in abundance, doesn't mean there aren't so many other things to do or try.  And if you're just wandering through the forest or snowy regions, smaller quests will become available.  In Kyrat (the fictional setting of the game) there are always people warring over right and wrong, and you have the option (nothing is required of you) to partake in any situation.  Just walking down a road you might find rebels fighting an opposing force.  Whether or not you help is your prerogative.  Or just over a hill could be local farmers struggling with a wild tiger.  Do you step in and help or standby and watch them get mauled?  Once far enough through the main campaign, you'll also have the option of stepping into Kyrat's arena.  Just like Roman times, you're placed in a circular arena and foes and wild animals are unleashed from massive doors with only you standing in their way.  But what if you don't want to help the locals or become king of the arena?  You could always spend your time trying to find the numerous collectibles in the game.  From masks to posters to special animals, there are so many things to occupy your time.  It's possible to spend an eight hour gaming session just searching for the right animal skins to upgrade your holster and various satchels.

"Oh that bear is being so cute right now...I think I'll give him a hug."

DEATHS:

Deaths are the reason why Far Cry 4 is one of the funniest games to watch streamers play.  You might tune into a gaming broadcast and find a stealthy player sneaking through bushes, only to be mauled by a bear a moment later.  Another streamer might be attempting to make their way down a mountain on an ATV, only to take six tries because they keep rolling the vehicle down the side.  Having one button decrease altitude on your tiny helicopter and another button for jumping out, makes for hilarious moments from gamers accidentally vaulting from their helicopter and plunging to their death.  But aside from all the funny deaths, there's hundreds of ways to die in Far Cry 4.  You could be blown up, pushed out of an airplane, shoved over a cliff, struck by a car, stabbed, shot, sniped, gutted, trampled by a rhino, eaten by a pack of wolves, drowned, shot with an arrow, poisoned, and many more.  It's all there for you to discover and nothing seems unachievable.

"Hey girl, after you're done killing and skinning those tigers, you wanna come back to my place 

and show me how to polish my barrel?"

CONCLUSION:

Far Cry 4 might not have the greatest story ever told or the greatest gun mechanics like COD, but the variety you get within the pixelated world is heights above any other game released this year so far.  Will it win game of the year?  Who's to say?  But it'll be one hell of a contender.  So if you're not into ninety hour RPG's or linear FPS's or you're just looking for something different, than Far Cry 4 has you covered with endless possibilities.

Gaming: Why do "Loading" Screens still Exist?

If you're a gamer than you probably noticed Assassin's Creed: Unity has been in the news a lot since its release.  Did it get super-duper awesome scores?  Nope.  Does it have unbelievable gameplay that took the series on a whole new path for future additions?  Nope.  AC: Unity has actually been in the news because of its awesome invisible cart racing and Arno's incredible ability to hang from thin air.  He also has the unique talent to stealth walk fifty feet above bridges to cross rivers and sometimes loses his face but not his eyeballs.  These hilarious glitches are more on the humor side than game-breaking side and that's a relief.  But we're not here to talk about why AC: Unity has been getting a ton of press.  We're here to talk about loading screens.  And one thing no one mentioned are the new loading screens in Unity.

 

Tim Burton is rumored to be using the above picture as inspiration for Beetlejuice 2: A Love Story.

Before the game released, Ubisoft announced there'd be no loading screens once in Paris.  And that statement can be seen as true…but just like a legal document, it has several holes, making it resemble a wonderfully crafted piece of Swiss cheese.  Yes, once you load AC: Unity and you're running around Paris in 1791, there aren't any loading screens, but you better never fall from a high roof without your hay net, or get stabbed or shot, or decide to fast travel or even start a new mission.  Why?  Because…loading screens.  They're not as long when going from killing to cut scene, but fast travel and dying are another matter altogether. 

Now you're probably thinking, "Well, that's okay because Assassin's Creed games have at least a unique loading screen that allows you to run around in an Animus fog for a bit."  And you'd be right, just not in the new Unity.  Apparently some hot shot in the technical department had the bright idea to do away with those old loading screens for something much more elegant.  So instead you get this:

Add another emblem in the bottom left and you almost--ALMOST--get the 1972 action hit: Pong.

A wonderfully crafted black screen with a tiny spinning emblem in the top right.  And if you're really lucky—if your loading is taking an astonishingly long time—you could get the thin white bar at the bottom of the screen too.  Both—the emblem and white bar—at the same time are just a graphic overload of pixelated greatness.  And these lovely loading screens can go on long enough to cause the player to pass out from boredom.  But the real fortunate gamers are the ones that attempt to complete a mission and continue to die over and over again, only to be rewarded with a long ass loading screen every single time.  So the simple question is—and keep in mind it’s 2014 and computer processors have advanced tremendously since the 70's—what the hell happened?  Why do gamers still have to sit in front of a black screen and pick their noses for long periods of time?

"My God, Madame, some treacherous individual has folded you up like laundry."

THE DON'Ts:

Hasn't technology and game creation come far enough to keep us away from the blank loading screen?  It seems as though Ubisoft is trying to pull a fast one by at least removing the words "loading" from the actual screen.  Well, Ubisoft, gamers are much more perceptive than you think.  We know a loading screen when we see one and we can—oh look…a cat playing the piano.  Damn, now where was I?  Oh yeah, the worst thing a developer can do is be lazy enough to give you a blank screen.  Hell, even attempting to cover it up with say an elevator ride like Mass Effect would have been better.  Or having a useless upgradable spaceship fly through clouds like in Destiny would have at least kept the gamer from falling asleep (maybe).  In this day and age, the last thing a "now" culture needs is nothing to see or do.  Each moment spent staring into the abyss is a moment that could have been spent beating some pixelated NPC over the head with a brick.  And it's on the next-gen (current generation to be honest) consoles.  If you're a developer reading this, then please understand there's a ton of things you can do to make this experience a smidgen better.

"I don't know why you two are giggling about back there, but I'll have you know: whatever that 

smell is...it did not leak from my spacesuit."

THE DOs:

People not only remember Bayonetta because she was a smoking hot piece of pixelated flesh that ripped her clothes off before each battle, but gamers also remember her because of her loading screens.  The high-heeled chick with nerd glasses had so many moves, that the developer let you practice them during each loading screen, making the loading time fly by.  Rayman's Origins and Legends gave you a silhouetted background to run around in, creating a loading screen that became practically non-existent.  And sympathizing with the player, The Devil May Cry 3, gave you the "loading" text, but allowed you to shoot and slash the crap out of it.  What a simple solution to a terribly boring problem.  Hell, the even simpler solution is loading a picture—any picture, even a random pic of someone's food is better than blackness.  Gamers love concept art.  And getting a glimpse into what sparked a level design is always a nice way to transition within a game.

 

"Eyes up here, young one, I wouldn't want you getting the wrong idea about me."

THE FIX:

So how could Unity have fixed the long blank loading screen without having to revert back to the past Assassin's Creeds?  Easy.  They could have built upon the game's strengths.  AC: Unity is based during an actual historic event...just like all their past games.  So why not show some random French Revolution facts while the gamer waits?  Why not attempt to teach players what exactly went on during that turbulent time in Paris?  What easier way is there to remove the blank screen then with a piece of art and some text underneath?  So game-developers, when you're considering and/or building your next game, please keep in mind: a simple picture with some text will go a long way to keep gamers from getting narcolepsy while they wait for their pixelated adventure to load. 

"Some days, sky-walking is all I can do to take my mind off of those dreadful Templars.  

This article has been bought and paid for by The Gamers Association of America.  (Disclaimer: The Gamers Association of America doesn't really exist.  Have a nice day.)

DVD Movie Review - 22 Jump Street

22 Jump Street comes out swinging with absurd sequel parodies, hilarious dialogue, and embarrassing humor.

STORY:

Schmidt (Jonah Hill) and Jenko (Channing Tatum) are having trouble with adult undercover.  To quell their misgivings, Chief Hardy (Nick Offerman) sends them back to Jump Street.  But 21 Jump Street doesn't exist anymore.  So the pair heads across the street to 22 Jump Street: a high-tech version of 21 Jump Street hidden in a church that has a Vietnamese Jesus with “swagoo”.  Since the plan worked last time, Jenko and Schmidt are given the exact same investigation, only this time they're heading to college.  The assignment: find the supplier of a new drug called Whyphy on campus.  Mexican wolverines, octopuses, slam poetry, meat-Q sandwiches, open investigations, relationship therapy, and unorthodox fight scenes ensue.

"It's time to stop all these shenanigans.  That means no more eating other kids' crayons, Schmidt, and

if you're going to steal another kids' homework, Jenko, at least change the name 

before you turn it in."

THOUGHTS:

The film begins with a "previously on" and after the first couple of minutes, you'll realize that 22 Jump Street is well aware of itself and the writers, actors, and director are all in on the joke.  22 Jump Street could have went the route of straight comedy and tried to play off its strengths from the first film, but instead it understands it's a sequel and makes that the running gag throughout the film.  The difference this time is the budget has increased, the cast has increased, and the set sizes have increased.  What does this mean?  It means you'll get the same embarrassing humor as the first movie with almost the exact same plot, except everything feels grander.  You'll see bigger and better guns, more high-tech gadgets for stealth operations, nicer cars (Lambos), and the victim this time around is black, which Schmidt adamantly points out, "makes them care more."

Now if you get offended by comedies that step over the line, you're probably going to have a bad time and that's a shame, because the story may have similarities to the first movie, but the humor is fresh and there's even a tiny bit of character growth.  So who is this movie really for?  People that enjoy inappropriate, senseless, and pointless humor.  Loving 21 Jump Street is definitely a requirement.  And if you did enjoy Hill's nerdy, innocent Schmidt, teaming up with Tatum's athletic, loud Jenko, then you'll have little complaining to do at the end of this movie…it's that simple.

"You're going to have to tell me where the bad guys are, because even though they look cool, I can 

barely see out of these glasses."

A SEQUEL, BUT THE SAME:

It’s exactly same.  What worked in the first movie isn't only referenced in the second, it's damn near copied.  In 21 Jump Street, thirty year olds had to go undercover and act like children.  Happens in this one too.  They got high and there was a montage of them doing stupid crap.  Also present in this one.  Schmidt fell for a girl and Jenko made friends.  Here too.  But even though the second movie follows in the first one's footsteps, each and every comedy bit has been heightened and exaggerated further than you ever thought possible.  So copying the premise from the first movie could be seen as 22 Jump Street's one problem, but only from viewers that haven't seen a trailer or read a review and have no idea what kind of movie they're in for.

"We really appreciate all the information about your rear end, but can you hold off talking at 

least until we ask a question?" 

THE HUMOROUS ACTING:

Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum are the perfect Odd Couple for the current generation.  Hill represents the intelligent, warm-hearted crowd, while Tatum represents the slightly stupid, but really fun crowd.  Are their characters deeper than the stereotypes?  A little, but who cares.  They're damn funny and the movie hits on all the right notes.  And even though they're hysterical together, both actors have their own laugh-out-loud scenes.  Towards the end, Hill has one of the best fight scenes ever filmed in a comedy and Tatum will make you piss your pants when he realizes what's been going on between Schmidt and the Captain.  Speaking of Captain Dickson (Ice Cube), he—again—steals every frigging scene he's in, no matter how many actors are present.  His dialogue is beyond ridiculous and he has one moment—during a buffet dinner—that is over-the-top-balls-funny. 

Jillian Bell plays Mercedes, a strange roommate that enjoys watching and listening to everything Schmidt says and does.  Towards the end her character will really shine though, as she's more involved with the story than first perceived.  Rob Riggle pops back in for another memorable scene as the jail-bird, Mr. Walters and Dave Franco spends a few minutes mumbling behind bars.  The lovely Amber Stevens ends up playing the only non-comedic character named Maya.  Even though she's not making you laugh, she's helping balance out the movie, so it doesn't appear to be all nonsense.  As for the rest of the cameos in the film, do not…repeat DO NOT miss the ending credits.  Those last few minutes are absolutely hysterical and really tie the perfect bow around an outrageous comedy.

"...but no one said we were going to have to learn to read."

CONCLUSION:

22 Jump Street is exactly what you think it is: a copy of the original with more outlandish jokes, senseless fighting, pointless explosions, and better weapons.  This film puts a new meaning to the saying, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it."  With great writing, fantastic comedic deliveries, and a bigger budget, where can you possibly go wrong?  If 21 Jump Street made you laugh throughout, then 22 Jump Street will easily do the same.  Now, if you don't appreciate silly humor, don't feel bad, because at this very moment someone's probably making a documentary about ants that you'll enjoy a little more.

4 out of 5 Stars (minus a star for almost being an exact copy of the first)

DVD Movie Review - How to Train Your Dragon 2

How to Train Your Dragon 2 brings back all the charming characters from the first movie, while adding even more fantastical lore.

STORY:

Hiccup (voiced by Jay Baruchel) is now five years older and his relationship with his village Berk, main squeeze, Astrid (voiced by America Ferrera), father (Stoick voiced by Gerard Butler), and lovable dragon, Toothless, has grown.  While Hiccup's father wants him to become Berk's chief, Hiccup has dreams of exploring new worlds and finding new dragons.  During his travels, he discovers an icy land full of dragon poachers and learns of a man that is trying to conquer the world with a dragon army.  Hearing the news, Hiccup's father prepares for war, but Hiccup is determined to make peace.  Can Hiccup and his cohorts save the day before Berk is turned into rubble from an evil invading force?  Only fantastic storytelling, wonderful animation, and hysterical dialogue will tell.  Fire-breathing dragons, obese dragons, dopey dragons, baby dragons, and silly Vikings ensue.

"The problem with you, Hiccup, is you're just not that attractive.  Take a look at me for 

instance.  A perfectly well-groomed man."

THOUGHTS:

It's very simple: if you liked the first How to Train Your Dragon, then prepare for a film just as good.  Not only is the story as engrossing as the first, but the characters have evolved (except for Hiccup's friends, they're still the same goofballs, but they do help even out the film's serious tone with humor), the story has grown up, and the dragons are every bit as interesting and charismatic as the first go-around. 

Since the previous movie revolved around unlikely friendships, the second is able to dig deeper into Hiccup's character.  He now has hopes and dreams of his own, but also dilemmas that he must overcome.  Hiccup isn't just a teenager discovering the world anymore.  He's now becoming a man that constantly thinks about his future and the future of the ones he loves.  So the tone of How to Train Your Dragon 2 sits a little more on the drama/mature side of the two films.  But don't misunderstand; this movie has just as much silly humor spread throughout. 

Dragons, no matter how nice they seem, are still dangerous.  Exhibit A: this Night Fury was

photographed wearing his owner as a necktie.

THE VOICE TALENT AND DRAGONS:

The bulk of the nuttiness is handed off to Hiccup's pals, Snotlout (voiced by Jonah Hill), Fishlegs (voiced by Christopher Mintz-Plasse), Tuffnut (voiced by T. J. Miller), and Ruffnut (voiced by Kristen Wiig).  Not only do they bring comedic backgrounds to the film, but they also unleash truly laugh-out-loud moments in the story.  And Gobber (expertly voiced by Craig Ferguson) has some of the best one-liners in the film.

Jay Baruchel as Hiccup is of course, the heart of the movie.  Without him putting his all into the performance the film would sink to disaster levels. Luckily, he pulls off Hiccup with ease, even adding a slightly older feel to his voice and emotional range.  Gerard Butler gives his best performance since the last How to Train Your Dragon and America Ferrera fills the role of Astrid perfectly—especially when she's mimicking Hiccup.  There are a few other roles that have been added to the roster, but they'd give away some of the story, so they'll remain omitted from this review.  But their performance is every bit as good as everyone else's.

Now, what dragon movie would be complete without dragons?  Toothless is every part as remarkable as his human friend.  Just like the first movie, his animation and personality, along with body movements and facial expressions are nothing short of amazing.  And watching the rest of the dragons interact with the Vikings never ever gets old.

"No, no, no...I'm completely serious.  This Night Fury is absolutely, one hundred percent, 

paper-trained.  And he won't eat the furniture or your children while you're away."

THE ANIMATION:

People say Avatar has some of the most beautiful CG seen in the film industry, but How to Train Your Dragon's flying sequences are easily just as breathtaking…and this movie is no different.  From dragon riders flying through clouds, skimming across water, and now crashing into snow and ice, How to Train Your Dragon 2's scenes are beyond beautiful.  If you didn't catch this film in the theaters, you're doing yourself a disservice by not watching it in the highest definition available.  But not only are the environments gorgeous, the characters have also had some minor tweaks.  This second film could have been lazy like most animated features that take old character designs and bring them into a new film (animated characters seem to never age, no matter how many films they're in), but How to Train Your Dragon 2 took what they already had and added maturity to each and every character without hurting the look of a single design.  Hiccup now has a slight beard beginning to show, and Astrid's face has been shaped to resemble more of a women's instead of a young girl.  From a pure technical stand point, this is the best tiny detail of the film.  It shows the animation department put not only love, but also care into creating each and every character.

"You have to remember to floss, or you'll just keep getting crap stuck between your teeth.  What 

is that? A femur?"

CONCLUSION:

How to Train Your Dragon 2 continues the story of Hiccup and Toothless and adds more depth to an already fantastic world.  As stated above, if you enjoyed the first film, then have no fear purchasing this one for your collection.  With gorgeous animation, wonderful character additions, excellent writing, and a loving studio to put it all together, there's not one thing wrong with How to Train Your Dragon 2.  It's what every sequel to an animated movie should be…and more.

5 out of 5 Stars (well done DreamWorks…well done)

8 Great Games for the Holiday Season

A special time of year is upon us.  It's a magical season that brings ice-ridden roads, headache-inducing traffic, and people beating each other to death over sneakers and TV's.  What's the name of this enchanted time?  The Holidays, of course.  And what holidays would be complete without video games to help even out all of the disasters waiting around the corner.  To lighten the burden, P&P has put together a list of upcoming video games that squeak in right before the New Year.  If you're a gamer looking for the next best FPS or action adventure, you'll find titles to satisfy your pixelated needs.  If you're a parent with absolutely no idea what to buy your kid, then there's plenty of options below for different age groups and level of video game addiction.  Now, if gaming pixels run through your blood, then you'll probably be picking up the entire list.  Enjoy.

Sunset Overdrive

Platform: Xbox One

(Out Now: 10/28/2014)

If you've never heard of Sunset Overdrive, perhaps you heard of Insomniac Games' other title, Ratchet and Clank.  If you've played that series, then you know what you're in for: An absurd third person shooter that devours your senses with bright colors and hilarious stories.  The premise: A soft drink has turned people into mutants and it's your job to gun down the beasts, help survivors, and escape alive.

Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare

Platform: PC, Xbox 360, Xbox One, PS3, PS4

Release date: 11/3/14

Looking for that FPS shooter experience over the holidays?  Then COD has you covered…just like every other year.  So what's the difference this time around?  Well, it's set in the not so distant future and Hollywood's very own Kevin Spacey lends his voice and disturbing likeness to the mix.  It'll be loud, fast, bloody, and Spacey.  Be sure to stand in line for hours to get a midnight copy, not because it'll sell out (it won't), but because having a few extra hours of play under your belt will be a huge advantage in multiplayer.

LEGO Batman 3: Beyond Gotham

Platform: PC, Xbox 360, Xbox One, PS3, PS4, Wii U, 3DS, Vita, and the kitchen sink.

Release Date: 11/11/14

Who doesn't like their Lego with a side of Batman?  If you're a youngster or just an adult that acts like a child, there's definitely a place for the Lego video games in your overgrown 1080p heart.  You'll get to run around breaking blocks and building crap as your favorite DC superhero.  What more could anyone ask for?  A pixelated Kevin Smith, you say?  Done.

Assassin's Creed Unity

Platform: PC, Xbox One, PS4

Release Date: 11/11/14

If you're not in the mood for Lego gameplay, Ubisoft has you covered with the French Revolution.  During that crazy time in French history, you run around as a wet-behind-the-ears assassin looking to make his mark.  Sneak, stab, climb, dive, and sword fight your way through an alternate history.  So what's different between this AC game and previous AC games?  This one is made for the current generation of consoles.  But don't expect 1080p…it just couldn't be done.

Dragon Age Inquisition

Platform: PC, Xbox 360, Xbox One, PS3, PS4

Release Date: 11/18/14

From the studio that brought you that terrible ending in Mass Effect 3, comes Dragon Age Inquisition.  Bioware has stated that this latest entry in the series is bigger and better than all the Dragon Age games that have come before it.  You'll control a team of several fantasy characters that can hit baddies with swords, cast spells and save the day.  Mages of the world rejoice!

Far Cry 4

Platform: PC, Xbox 360, Xbox One, PS3, PS4

Release Date: 11/18/14

Not into Dragon Age fantasy?  Well, releasing the same day is Far Cry 4, a FPS set in the Himalayas.  Your character will be caught in a massive civil war happening in Kyrat between its suppressed people and their king, Pagan Min, expertly played by Troy Baker.  With guns and elephants as your weapons, you'll completely destroy sandbox areas any way you see fit.  If open-ended adventure is your cup of tea, then bring a barrel, because Far Cry 4 will have a lot to offer.

Super Smash Bros. (Wii U edition)

Platform: Wii U obviously

Release Date: 11/21/14

Do you want your youngsters to be able to smash their friends to pieces in a cartoon pixelated environment?  Well Nintendo has you covered.  Kids will get to choose between six zillion characters (Nintendo favorites and more) and face off against opponents in an all-out brawl.  It's a fighting game without all the blood, guts, and realism that makes for a mature rating.  Thanks Nintendo.  Now how about some current generation graphics?

Metal Gear Solid V

Platform: Xbox 360, Xbox One, PS3, PS4

Release Date: 12/31/14

This last game squeaks in just before the New Year, so a Metal Gear stocking stuffer is out of the question.  MGSV brings updated graphics, larger maps, and cardboard box antics that no game can match.  Have you ever wanted to fool your foes by slipping inside a cardboard box with a sexy girl printed on the front?  Well, now you can and it's in gorgeous HD.  Also, strapping a balloon to almost anything in the game (including baddies) and watching them float away, never gets old.