Welcome
to the Punch is the only cop drama where the police use their charming
good-looks, British accent, and blotchy beard to take down criminals.
STORY:
Max
Lewinsky (James McAvoy) is a rough
and tumble cop looking to take down the notorious Jacob Sternwood (Mark Strong). When Max finally does find him, Sternwood
gives him a present to remember—a bullet in the knee (as opposed to an arrow). Sternwood
disappears and three years later we find Max draining an aching knee and hating
everyone. Sternwood's son is then
arrested, and Max is sure it'll bring the famed criminal out of hiding. Crazy non-gun
fights, solemn stares into nothing, and convoluted plots and sub-plots ensue.
"Is that a knee? I hate knees!"
THOUGHTS:
Maybe
it's the American in me, but tracking a notorious criminal—who's escaping with
three other dudes carrying machine guns—with nothing more than a pubescent
beard, is just plain stupid in my book.
What did Max expect to do once he cornered the infamous Jacob
Sternwood? Sing him show tunes? Maybe they could have sat down and talked it
out over a game of Pictionary.
What? Criminals like Pictionary
too.
If
you don't know, most of the British police force does not carry guns. Welcome to the Punch attempts to run with
that underlining message throughout the film, but somewhere along the
convoluted railways, the film derails.
The problem with the movie is it takes itself too seriously. But how can a
story be serious when such a stupid action (fighting
a machine-gun toting villain unarmed) is the basis for the whole plot. Come on Britain, get with the program: a
mag-lite, a badge, and determination, does not stop bullets. At least give your boys a samurai sword or
maybe a slingshot. A pocket full of
pebbles would probably fare better in a fight, than nothing.
"I said, give me back my purple pencil, or I'll tell mom!"
So
the movie wants you to see the violence and terrible effects of guns and their
cousins—bullets. It shows Max draining
his injured knee and barely moving around, reminding the audience that guns
equal bad, and that the police should be armed for their own safety. The movie also wants you to feel every death,
so murder scenes slow down and show a tad bit of emotion—there's even a very
dramatic strangulation scene that pushes brutality in your face. And then the movie decides that the audience
has had forty or so minutes of wussy crap, and goes full-blown slow-motion, all
out, gun blazing, diving over cover, crazy.
Say what?
"Who's your favorite X-man?"
"I don't have to tell you anything...so naahhh."
That’s
right. About half way through, a pissed
off Max decides it’s really time to catch this Sternwood after all, and finally
checks out—I don't even know if I can say the word without scaring myself—a
gun. *Covers
mouth with hand and then breathes heavily into a paper bag*. Sound the alarm! Batten down the hatches! One angry policeman has a handgun. The whole world is coming to an end. The scene should be emotional, but comes off
laughable. Have the writers of this film
ever seen any of the Rambos? Especially
the last one—where he turns a fifty caliber machine around in a jeep and makes
human Swiss cheese? Just thinking about
that part brings a slight tear to my eye.
Sniffle.
So
after the huge point Welcome to the Punch was trying to make, the writer and
director decide to throw the whole non-gun thing under the bus, and go action
crazy. You won't really mind though,
seeing as not a lot has happened up to this point. The ending sequence literally has everyone
killing everyone, without remorse. It
goes to show you that sooner or later, bullets may be needed to solve a few
problems. And there's even a tad bit of
humor that erupts during a scene involving someone's mother, but then more
convoluted plot creeps in and snuffs it out.
You'll see the credits roll and end up thinking more about the
half-eaten, week old sandwich you left fermenting between the sofa cushions,
than the film you just watched. It
happens. But who can blame you, when you
end up smelling bologna all night?
"Now, either you watch the rest of this film, or the old bag gets two in the head."
ACTING:
James
McAvoy didn't come off as a determined cop in the film, and whether the casting
department thought a patchy beard would do the trick, no one can say. When reflecting back on his acting, you'll
not remember too much beyond the sullen, stern face he gives everyone. A kitten trying to claw its way out of a wet
paper bag has shown more emotion.
Mark
Strong plays Mark Strong—seriously, every film he's in, he plays the same guy:
tough on the outside, slightly soft on the inside. Although, it is his performance that holds the movie together, as his scenes are
much more believable compared to everyone else.
And then there's Andrea Riseborough, who is the icing on the cake, but
surely isn't around enough to lift the film any higher than mediocre drama.
"Please, Max, I--"
"Shh...I'll do it. I'll shave tonight. I promise."
!!!WARNING -- SPOILER!!!:
After
capping Max in the knee, Sternwood decides it’s time to work with him. And instead of a reason why or even a
conversation, you get nothing. The pair
just start running around together killing bad guys. Max does ask Sternwood why he didn't kill him
in the beginning, and Sternwood just answers: "For what?" Which
must be the movie's explanation failing to make an impact. And at the end, after they both have gunned
down bad guys, side by side, Max turns and points his gun at Sternwood. Didn't they just help each other? The next line out of Sternwood's mouth should
have been: "Gee, thanks a lot,
dick." But like most of the
film, dialogue takes a backseat to actors staring holes into each other. END OF SPOILER!!!
"Will you go out with me--please check one. Is this serious?"
CONCLUSION:
After
the ending, the movie bypasses the storage part of your brain and heads
straight for the disposal department.
It's a shame really, because you have several solid actors gracing the
screen. But with a back-pedaling gun
message, and a plot involving more names than actions, you'll find yourself
thinking about what's for dinner, than actually wondering why Britain's police
force doesn't carry guns. So if you're
aching for something new to watch on DVD—and
you've seen everything else—than Welcome to the Punch is an almost
satisfying crime thriller. If you're
looking for an excellent story or humor-filled action, than I'd say a trip to your
own movie collection might fare better.
Throw in Heat or Die Hard or Leon (The Professional) or The Usual
Suspects or The Godfather or—well you get the idea—you'll get your action,
humor, drama fix, and you won't feel like you've wasted a couple of hours. Guys, if you’re looking for a date night DVD,
you might have to settle for The Notebook again, unless you can con her into
thinking Rambo is a teenage romance.
2
out of 5 stars (minus 2 stars for missed
message and a star for not enough Andrea)
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