DVD Movie Review - The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Disclaimer: this movie is being reviewed by a thirty-something male and not by a teenage girl that understands life through episodes of Jersey Shore and Teen Mom.  If by chance you find the Hunger Games to be wonderful, do not continue on.  You have been warned.  Also, some spoilers may occur.  But who really cares?

It's been a while since P&P had the pleasure of talking about the beloved Hunger Games, and now here we are…mere days away from its inevitable release and once again millions of nether regions are aflame with anticipation.  To mark the occasion, the powers that be are releasing the Hunger Games: Catching Fire on Friday, March 7th, effectively showing us that such an Oscar worthy film should be put on a pedestal and have its very own release day.  But why stop there?  Why not a Hunger Games Holiday?  What better way to mark this stupendous occasion, than by offering a day free of work and obligations, so family members could sit by the fire, put in the DVD, and begin gouging each other's eyes out. 

"I thought this was gym class?  Why's everyone naked and touching each other in special places?"

STORY:

Katniss (The Oscar winning Jennifer Lawrence) and Peeta (The never Oscar nominated Josh Hutcherson) are back to their old antics again, depressing audiences nationwide and re-falling in love.  Or are they?  Hmmm?  Along the way, big bad President Snow (Donny Sutherland) decides to change the Hunger Games rules and throw past winners back into the ring.  Oh no!  What's a hunger girl to do?  After the worst display of movie love-triangles, Katniss heads back into the lion's den to try and save the day.  Can she overcome bad acting and silly names?  Only two and a half hours of your precious time will tell.  Deadly fogs, angry monkeys, and the silliest premise ensue.

"Oh my God!  Jennifer did it.  She won.  That means it's only inevitable that I get one too."

"Josh, honey, listen to your mother...don't hold your breath."

THOUGHTS:

Before we get rolling on this Hunger train, please head over to our initial review of the Hunger Games to really understand our thoughts on the film's premise.  Only then can you truly comprehend the depth of which we are about to go.  Hold on to your valuables, because this ride is about to get bumpy.

Catching Fire can be easily divided up into three parts: the beginning love triangle, the games, and finally the somewhat aftermath (it's "somewhat" because the film really doesn't end inasmuch as it just dies).  The love triangle aspect hangs around for about an hour, leaving the remaining time to feature Survivor-esque team-ups and PG-13 non-killings.  And since P&P is always generous to our readers, allow us to give you the shortened version of what really happened during the love triangle fiasco.  Then you can simply fast forward to the games, without missing a beat.

 "Please!  Don't let them take me away!  Not like this.  Not by two men in pajamas 

and foam shoulder pads!"

And now a brief reenactment of the first act (A.K.A. the love triangle):

"Do you love him?"  The other guy asked.

"Who?"  Katniss answered, batting her eyes.

"Him?  You know…Peter, or Petro, or—"

"Peeta?  Gale, my love, you know it was just an act to survive the games."

"But now you're marrying him?"

"Yes.  But I'm turkey hunting with you."

This has been a brief reenactment.  We can now return to your regularly scheduled review.

"If you think plastic helmets and grey tracksuits scare me...Ha!  Think again, my friend.  

Think...again."

If you're like most, the actual slaying in the games may be the only thing helping you through the experience.  Unfortunately, the games don't last as long as the first movie.  In fact, the games are cut quite short this time around.  Sure you may get a dash of murderous fog here, or a pinch of angry monkey there; but overall, more excitement has been had during the curling competitions at the Olympics.  And then the movie ends, but not before the huge twisting reveal that you saw coming ten minutes into the first movie.

In the time following the original Hunger Games, our heroine, Jenny Lawrence, has obtained the holy grail of awards and still she looks as bored as ever.  It's really not her fault as we've seen superb acting and humor flow out of her in both the Silver Linings Playbook and American Hustle.  It's amazing the impact an excellent director, great writing, and a solid cast will have on an actress.  On the other hand, the magic between Lawrence and Hutcherson or even Hemsworth is so lousy, you could easily find more chemistry between two toasters nestled together on a shelf.

"If these pectorals don't say I love you, Bella, I don't know--"

"Cut!  How many times do we have to tell you?  This isn't Twilight."

There are, however, a few actors wasting their talents in this film, attempting to bring a below par story up to about sea level: Woody Harrelson, Donald Sutherland, and Philip Seymour Hoffman.  These thespians should be commended at least with a golf clap as the movie sinks.  Elizabeth Banks could almost be likable if it wasn't for her over-acting and ridiculous outfits.  And Stanley Tucci seems to be the only person that knows how comical the story is and uses that to his advantage.

There is one redeeming aspect of the movie: the political undertones.  But unfortunately they're only touched on in a few spots, leaving most of the plot to fester in makeshift love stories and twists you already know are coming.  There could have been a lot to learn from a society enslaved by a tyrannical leader like President Snow—especially for younger audiences—so thank goodness the writers and production crew decided to gloss over it like broccoli stranded on a plate of spaghetti.

"They've done it.  They've really done it."

"Yeah.  Splitting the last book into two terrible movies.  Unbelievable."

CONCLUSION:

Just like the first movie, Catching Fire continues to beat the snot out of a foolish premise, push a nonexistent love story, and leave dead bodies in the wake of a PG-13 rating.  This movie could've amped up the killing and action, giving boyfriends everywhere at least some respect, but alas, it leaves them no other option but to lie and say they were at the ballet.  The acting in the Hunger Games: Catching Fire slightly improves, but with dialogue reminiscent of Sci-Fi B-movies, the film proudly remains a waste of two and a half hours.  The upside is you could always do something much more productive with your time like fly swatting, basket weaving, or sleeping.

2 out of 5 stars (needed a little more cowbell)

P&P's Most Anticipated Movies for 2013

There are many reasons to want to see an upcoming film.  Maybe you want to see all the viewers of a specific genre, get fenced in and hosed down.  Or maybe you’re wondering whether a certain film will kill a franchise or character.  Whatever the reason, as of this point, here are our picks for 2013.  We love to change our mind, so don’t hold us to any of it.  You have been warned!

A good day to die hard

Feb 14^th

Can we stop with the ridiculous names already?  We know what the movie is, and we know who it's about, you don't have to get clever and try to cover that crap up.  It's Bruce Willis in the role that made him frigging famous.  We return time and time again to hopefully catch a glimpse of the old—stuffed-in-a-vent with just a wife-beater and a lighter, with nothing to do but save the day and talk to ourselves—John McClane.  So don't screw this up.

Oblivion

April 12^th

Now, we know what we said about Cruise in Jack Reacher, but this movie's trailer came out of nowhere and surprised the crap out of us.  Really...have you seen the trailer?  If not, get on it.  Earth is a devastated world in the future, with a New York fan that can't let go of the old world, trying to save this new one.  With unbelievable art direction, this is one of those movies that looks like it'll keep bringing us back for more, just because of the fantastic tech.  And with the looks of Olga Kurylenko running around, it promises to have eye-candy in every scene. 

Star Trek into Darkness

May 17^th

We are no Trekkies by any means, in fact watching the old series or movies made us want to punch babies and old ladies in the face, but after seeing the reboot, we want nothing more than to board the bandwagon with everyone else.  With J. J. Abrams’ direction and Chris Pine's excellent acting, we're stoked to see the latest installment. 

Pacific Rim

July 12^th

Let’s go down the “awesome movie” checklist: large beastly monsters destroying everything in their path—check.  Giant frigging Mechs, doing crazy Mech things—check.  Giant frigging Mechs punching large beastly monsters in the face—check.  Well, we're sold.  Sign us up for tickets.  You want a plot?  Plot, schmot...who cares about that?  We just want to see Mechs kicking the crap out of monsters for two hours.

The Wolverine

July 26^th

Dear Wolverine/Hugh Jackman,

You had such promise after viewing X2, but then threw it all away with Origins.  We just want to say that we still have faith in you, and the wolverine character.  You can still be great, if you want to.  So please, we beg you...don't throw this new movie into the garbage disposal and ruin wolverine forever, because we may never forgive you afterwards.  All we want is a decent film, with good acting and sharp claws that slice through everyone in Japan—like you were meant to do.  Thank you and have a great day.

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

November 22^nd

The first movie was such a treat, we cannot wait for this one to rear it's utterly stupid, ridiculous, retarded with a side of ugly—head.  Please movie gods; is there any way to make this movie happen any sooner?  We'll give anything.  Our first born if required, to see this movie sooner.  Oh, and while you're granting wishes, please bring back another Twilight movie too, that way we can round up all these people at the same time, throw them in a fenced off state and hose them down.  We're excited...how about you?

Jack Ryan

December 25^th (Christmas)

After Chris Pine's special-agent effort in “This Means War”, we felt as though he needed to be some sort of secret agent ass-kicker, and here you go.  What started with Harrison Ford and fell into the crapper with Affleck will once again rise like the Phoenix.  Or at least we hope so...

You thought we forgot one didn't you...well, no.  We're just saving the best for last.  Whether we love the character or whether we wonder if this portrayal will sink the franchise forever, everyone's most anticipated movie of 2013 (around our circles, anyway) is:

Man of Steel

June 14^th

We're talking about the father of all Super heroes here, people.  Some of you are thinking, "Hey, Batman is awesome buddy."  We'll, he is, but in terms of Super heroes...you catch that—Super, Batman really is just an angry man in a dark suit with a cape.  Supes is the real deal.  He's the icon of perfection and good.  He's the hero that everyone wants to be, and tries to be.  No matter what, Superman always tries to do the right thing, without falter. 

Let’s not talk about the recent way in which DC comics has been writing him, because that's not Supes.  Supes fights for truth, justice and...AND the American Way. 

So will Zack Snyder's rebirth of the character do him justice?  We hope.  Does Henry Cavill look the part?  He does.  Is Goyer as the writer, a good thing?  We again, hope.  That last thing we need is a grittier, hard-boiled Superman.  Or a Superman who's so full of himself, that he doesn't know whether or not to be Superman.  (We don't need a reenactment of Smallville on the big screen).  What the fans need is just, simply—a really good story about a really good man.

Now I know some people hate the new suit and the fact that the great score by John Williams has been tossed aside, but what do you expect from a writer and filmmaker, who are trying to completely change how you see Superman.  We wouldn't care if Supes came out riding a unicycle with a gorilla on his shoulder, as long as the story is good and the story lends itself to the character.  We don't need Superman beaten and bloody, or run through a kryptonite grinder.  He can be grounded and still fly or be human-like and still deflect bullets.  They need to show how the character has flaws; not in himself but in the people he loves.  He does what he does, because of whom he loves and what he believes.  The grounded, human connection to Superman is his family.

What else can be said, besides...we hope they don't wreck it like Green Lantern.  That franchise was shot in the face before it came out of the womb.

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There are other films that are coming out that didn't quite make the cut, but are at least worth mentioning.

Kick-ass 2 (June 28^th - could be as good as the 1st, but probably just made for money)

Iron man 3 (May 3^rd - the second was just awful in our opinion, so good luck with the third)

Thor: The Dark World (October 30^th - the first one was a surprise, we'll see if they can keep the streak going)