DVD Movie Review - The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Disclaimer: this movie is being reviewed by a thirty-something male and not by a teenage girl that understands life through episodes of Jersey Shore and Teen Mom.  If by chance you find the Hunger Games to be wonderful, do not continue on.  You have been warned.  Also, some spoilers may occur.  But who really cares?

It's been a while since P&P had the pleasure of talking about the beloved Hunger Games, and now here we are…mere days away from its inevitable release and once again millions of nether regions are aflame with anticipation.  To mark the occasion, the powers that be are releasing the Hunger Games: Catching Fire on Friday, March 7th, effectively showing us that such an Oscar worthy film should be put on a pedestal and have its very own release day.  But why stop there?  Why not a Hunger Games Holiday?  What better way to mark this stupendous occasion, than by offering a day free of work and obligations, so family members could sit by the fire, put in the DVD, and begin gouging each other's eyes out. 

"I thought this was gym class?  Why's everyone naked and touching each other in special places?"

STORY:

Katniss (The Oscar winning Jennifer Lawrence) and Peeta (The never Oscar nominated Josh Hutcherson) are back to their old antics again, depressing audiences nationwide and re-falling in love.  Or are they?  Hmmm?  Along the way, big bad President Snow (Donny Sutherland) decides to change the Hunger Games rules and throw past winners back into the ring.  Oh no!  What's a hunger girl to do?  After the worst display of movie love-triangles, Katniss heads back into the lion's den to try and save the day.  Can she overcome bad acting and silly names?  Only two and a half hours of your precious time will tell.  Deadly fogs, angry monkeys, and the silliest premise ensue.

"Oh my God!  Jennifer did it.  She won.  That means it's only inevitable that I get one too."

"Josh, honey, listen to your mother...don't hold your breath."

THOUGHTS:

Before we get rolling on this Hunger train, please head over to our initial review of the Hunger Games to really understand our thoughts on the film's premise.  Only then can you truly comprehend the depth of which we are about to go.  Hold on to your valuables, because this ride is about to get bumpy.

Catching Fire can be easily divided up into three parts: the beginning love triangle, the games, and finally the somewhat aftermath (it's "somewhat" because the film really doesn't end inasmuch as it just dies).  The love triangle aspect hangs around for about an hour, leaving the remaining time to feature Survivor-esque team-ups and PG-13 non-killings.  And since P&P is always generous to our readers, allow us to give you the shortened version of what really happened during the love triangle fiasco.  Then you can simply fast forward to the games, without missing a beat.

 "Please!  Don't let them take me away!  Not like this.  Not by two men in pajamas 

and foam shoulder pads!"

And now a brief reenactment of the first act (A.K.A. the love triangle):

"Do you love him?"  The other guy asked.

"Who?"  Katniss answered, batting her eyes.

"Him?  You know…Peter, or Petro, or—"

"Peeta?  Gale, my love, you know it was just an act to survive the games."

"But now you're marrying him?"

"Yes.  But I'm turkey hunting with you."

This has been a brief reenactment.  We can now return to your regularly scheduled review.

"If you think plastic helmets and grey tracksuits scare me...Ha!  Think again, my friend.  

Think...again."

If you're like most, the actual slaying in the games may be the only thing helping you through the experience.  Unfortunately, the games don't last as long as the first movie.  In fact, the games are cut quite short this time around.  Sure you may get a dash of murderous fog here, or a pinch of angry monkey there; but overall, more excitement has been had during the curling competitions at the Olympics.  And then the movie ends, but not before the huge twisting reveal that you saw coming ten minutes into the first movie.

In the time following the original Hunger Games, our heroine, Jenny Lawrence, has obtained the holy grail of awards and still she looks as bored as ever.  It's really not her fault as we've seen superb acting and humor flow out of her in both the Silver Linings Playbook and American Hustle.  It's amazing the impact an excellent director, great writing, and a solid cast will have on an actress.  On the other hand, the magic between Lawrence and Hutcherson or even Hemsworth is so lousy, you could easily find more chemistry between two toasters nestled together on a shelf.

"If these pectorals don't say I love you, Bella, I don't know--"

"Cut!  How many times do we have to tell you?  This isn't Twilight."

There are, however, a few actors wasting their talents in this film, attempting to bring a below par story up to about sea level: Woody Harrelson, Donald Sutherland, and Philip Seymour Hoffman.  These thespians should be commended at least with a golf clap as the movie sinks.  Elizabeth Banks could almost be likable if it wasn't for her over-acting and ridiculous outfits.  And Stanley Tucci seems to be the only person that knows how comical the story is and uses that to his advantage.

There is one redeeming aspect of the movie: the political undertones.  But unfortunately they're only touched on in a few spots, leaving most of the plot to fester in makeshift love stories and twists you already know are coming.  There could have been a lot to learn from a society enslaved by a tyrannical leader like President Snow—especially for younger audiences—so thank goodness the writers and production crew decided to gloss over it like broccoli stranded on a plate of spaghetti.

"They've done it.  They've really done it."

"Yeah.  Splitting the last book into two terrible movies.  Unbelievable."

CONCLUSION:

Just like the first movie, Catching Fire continues to beat the snot out of a foolish premise, push a nonexistent love story, and leave dead bodies in the wake of a PG-13 rating.  This movie could've amped up the killing and action, giving boyfriends everywhere at least some respect, but alas, it leaves them no other option but to lie and say they were at the ballet.  The acting in the Hunger Games: Catching Fire slightly improves, but with dialogue reminiscent of Sci-Fi B-movies, the film proudly remains a waste of two and a half hours.  The upside is you could always do something much more productive with your time like fly swatting, basket weaving, or sleeping.

2 out of 5 stars (needed a little more cowbell)

Movie Review - Now You See Me

Perhaps the greatest illusion "Now You See Me" performed was making me believe it's better than it turned out to be.  The trailers looked great, an overloaded cast of unbelievable actors, and a cool premise—what's not to like?  It hurts to have to say that the film itself—outside of fun entertaining illusions and action sequences—is paper thin. 

STORY:

FBI agent Dylan Rhodes (Mark Ruffalo) tracks a team of magicians as they rob banks, millionaires, and safes before the audience's eyes.

"Please...one more time?  C'mon, I said please."

"Fine.  I'm always angry.  Now, can we get back to this movie?"

THOUGHTS:

Man, did you read the story premise above?  As short and sweet as it is—doesn't it sound awesome?  Just the idea alone is worth checking out the story.  Everyone likes heist movies and everyone (this may be stretching) likes magicians.  So what the hell went wrong? 

"And Ta-Da...a frigging mess!" 

Somewhere between the flashy camera movements and pizzazz, character development was thrown out the window and replaced with a cast of top-notch actors, who hold this movie together using chewed bubblegum and soggy toothpicks.  But who needs character development when we have shots of Isla Fisher in short skirts?  Or Jesse Eisenberg being a bigger dick than he was in The Social Network.  And if that doesn't make people happy, we'll throw in two giant actors everyone likes: Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine.  Instant slam-dunk.

At least that's what the producers thought, but it turns out, a story needs a little more development than just three magic acts and a lonely FBI agent looking for some tail from an overseas Interpol agent.  You might even think that the heists or illusions are grounded in reality, but no, you'd be wrong about that too.  Just like another well-known movie in theaters, you're supposed to just let the dazzling ridiculousness pass through your brain and not think too much, because if you do, you might choke the person next to you out of sheer frustration.

"Listen, we don't know how else to say this:

Your scene is over. And it's been over for about 6 hours now."

That's why the reviews are all over the map like a drunken cartographer.  If you don't want to think and you enjoy sparkling scenery, then you'll love this movie.  If you enjoy the nuts and bolts and motives behind heists, than you're going to look back on this movie, and wonder if you left the stove on.

Mark Ruffalo plays the most likable character in the film and he's really where the writers went wrong: if they added a little more depth and slowed the frigging camera down, it would have improved this movie ten-fold.  The plot never comes close to being profound with any character, and then at the end, when it almost does—when it's almost sincere—you don't really give a crap, because you can't relate to anything or anyone.

The filming was coming along fine, until Mr. Ruffalo broke into song, trying to dazzle 

the crew with "Cuban Pete."

The magicians/Four Horsemen: Eisenberg, Harrelson, Fisher and Franco are left with nothing but the magic acts to work through.  Woody is the comic relief, making you laugh with great facial expressions and witty dialogue, while Franco is the action: fighting and exploding his way through the film.  Eisenberg does a tad more than introduce the magic acts and Isla Fisher remains a sweet and sexy face, carrying just a smile throughout.

"What the hell do you think it is?"

"Could be bad writing, but we won't know for sure until it's all over."

If you love Morgan Freeman, then you might hate his part.  He comes off as a know-it-all jackass.  The character carries all the information of what exactly is going on, but never tells anyone, keeping the information from everybody (and audience) for his personal gain.  Caine is only in the movie for a couple of scenes, and if you blink a lot, you might miss him.  Then we come to sweet Melanie Laurent, who kicked ass in Inglourious Basterds, but has a hard time doing anything here due to bad writing and lousy dialogue.  She does have one sexy French accent though, so...there's that.

The film starts with quick introductions to each magician and then they're thrown together with no reason or explanation.  This all happens with an LSD laden camera pulling in and pulling out, and ripping through scenes and over actors heads, making you feel like you're on a Disney ride gone wrong, except you can't yell "stop" before you throw up...it just happens.  Then all of a sudden the camera freezes at the middle point of the movie, making you listen to some dialogue.  But why the hell would you care what any of them have to say, when you just want to get back to the drug-induced Disney ride.  No need to worry, because the camera picks up again as the movie steam-rolls into the finale, dazzling you with the final "Ah Ha!" moment at the end.

"I just crapped my pants...I just crapped my pants!"

"Jesus...I smell it!"

CAUTION - A SOMEWHAT SPOILER

Can someone that's seen the film please call me, or email me, or send me smoke signals on what exactly happened at the end.  Where do they all go?  Did they land in some special magician Never-Never Land, where hats filled with bunnies and pockets of infinite-length-scarfs are in abundance?  What about all the felonies they just pulled?  Are we supposed to imagine all the crimes will just…be forgotten?

END OF SOMEWHAT SPOILER

"I think something's wrong with my banjo..."

"That's because it's really a shotgun."

"Oh..."

CONCLUSION:

Call me crazy, but even though I'll score it middle-of-the-road, I still liked the damn thing.  Maybe all it takes is a sexy French accent and Isla in a short skirt to put a smile on my face.  (I never said I was a complicated man)  So, if you're alright with watching two hours’ worth of three magic acts, a drunken camera, and some dialogue and plot thrown in for fun, then jump to the theaters.  If not, then maybe you should wait for the rental.

2.5 out of 5 stars (minus 2 stars for no character development & ½ star for camera tricks—bad magician, bad!)