Book Review - This Book is Full of Spiders

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With LSD in hand, along with several different colored uppers and downers, I opened "This Book is Full of Spiders" expecting a ridiculous trip into Wongland, but what I received was just a web full of educated words.  This novel is the sequel to John Dies at the End; you can read our awesome review of that right here.

STORY:

The world of David Wong and his buddy, burn-out John, once again comes to life and this time they're dealing with a new breed of Zombie—The Spider Zombie.  Their town has been overrun by monsters that will eat your ass and your face, depending on their appetite.  It's up to Dave and John to save the town of Undisclosed and the world from utter demise.  Along the way, Dave gets incarcerated, while John gets intoxicated, and Amy—Dave’s girlfriend—spends her time trying to pick up the pieces.

 Huh? Spider-Zombies? Crap, I don't think we have any of those, but I can check.

THOUGHTS:

JDatE was a book full of zany mini stories, ridiculous horror sequences, and seemingly endless creativity.  It may not have made much sense as a whole, but it definitely brought life to the comedy horror genre.  With meat monsters, phone-sandwiches, and hysterical gamer scenes, there was a lot to love in the first book, even with its faults.

You want a side of ribs or...? 

This Book is Full of Spiders is written by the same author, who miraculously grew up and decided he wanted to be a writer.  Bummer.  The fans, who loved the first book with so many wacky, craptastic things happening in every other paragraph, will be scratching their heads and their balls, wondering if they bought the right book.  You might even spend some time turning it over in your hands with a confused and perplexing expression painted on your face.

Where the first book seemed geared toward the young twenty something’s looking for gross horror, farting demons, and gaming frenzies.  The second book is looking to make friends with the horror mainstream.  It’s sad, because the crazy over-the-top writing from the first is what made Mr. Wong stand out among the crowd, but now it seems, he’s just looking to fit in.  Fail.

Someone must have come in the room while Wong was writing it—say around the 100 page mark—and decided to beat him with a four foot, purple dildo, until he learned the English language and could construct a descend paragraph.  And just when you thought the book’s ending would mimic any other typical horror/thriller, Wong's slave-driver left for more lube, and the real Wong finished the book.

Check out my new field-hockey stick! 

Seriously, the beginning and the very end seem to be written by the young, creative, drugged-up Wong, while the middle was tapped out by an intellectual.  What the hell happened?  Did he run out of Soy Sauce in the middle?

You want to stick this where?

Instead of chapters, the book is broken into a count down to one event or another.  I'm guessing this is to add suspense and momentum.  Except I never really looked at the time limit as I read, and when the book begins to jump back in time and then forward again, and then back in time, and then switch perspective, and then go forward, and then back in time...I hardly knew where the hell I was at, and what was happening.

Like I said, the first book was all over the place too, but mainly it felt like separate silly stories, and not Back to the Future on crack, like this one.  The story would begin to take off, and then suddenly, you're thrown back in time in another perspective and the momentum is fired straight into a brick wall and left to die.  Kind of like a horny teenager just about to climax, and then the Internet goes down and you’re left holding your wang or Wong, with nothing to do.

 

I'm sorry if I fooled you, it's not my fault--did you see the 4ft. purple dildo? 

The silliness geared toward the gamer, I-just-want-to-have-fun attitude, was replaced in this novel with the, you-better-get-off-your-ass attitude and become something.  Is this a lesson trying to snake its way into a Wong novel?  But why?  I’m just here for laughs, Sir, no need to force lessons down my throat.  On top of that, you get the save-the-environment vibe here and there (which I’m really frigging tired of hearing—so, if I drive an electric car, somewhere in the world a butterfly gets its wings?  F--- off!  I have more important things to be worried about, like my job and paying the bills).  I don’t know about you, but I bought this book to forget the world’s woes and just enjoy myself while reading.  If I want to read crap, finger-painted to resemble words, I’ll go read a newspaper. 

Now look at what you’ve done, Wong, you’ve sent me on a tangent.  Getting back on track:

If you enjoyed the first book and are looking for more stories in that same universe, then check out "This Book is Full of Spiders."  It may not be the delinquent Wong we all fell in love with, but part of him is still alive in the story.  The sad thing is: he probably isn't coming back, so I'd get used to the more mainstream stories from now on.

2.5 out of 5 stars (minus 1.5 stars for the back-tracking and 1 star for the preachy crap)

Book Review - John Dies @ the End

I know, you see “Book Review” in the title of this post and instantly, that new porn site you found a last night is sounding more and more like it needs a visit, but wait—before you go running off to apply makeup and frolic through some dandelions, hear me out.  Why?  Because this book has been turned into a movie, so maybe you should stick around to find out exactly what it’s all about.

 

Now that I have at least one person’s attention, let me tell you a story.  A co-worker of mine asked me a few days ago:

 

Coworker: “Hey, I seen some new trailers listed.  Was thinking about checking out that ‘John Dies @ the End’—did you see that?”

 

Me: “Yeah, watched it and also read the book.”

 

Coworker: “No crap? What’s it about?”

 

Me: “Meat monsters, penis door handles, farting demons, battle axes, super soaker flame throwers, exploding dogs, gorillas riding giant crabs, shadow people…oh, and soy sauce.”

 

One half of me thought the nonsensical jumble of ridiculous words would magically transform into a perfectly explained story, with plot structure and conflict; the other half expected at least a snicker or a giggle, but neither happened.  Apparently, penis door handles or meat monsters don’t affect him in the least.  So I told him to go watch the trailer and that it’ll straighten everything out.

 

 

Did you watch the trailer above? Great.  Everything makes sense now right?  If the first thing that came to mind was: “I should go check out that new porn site” and the second thing was: “No, the trailer made no friggin’ sense whatsoever.”  Then you’re in the same boat as everyone else.  The funny thing is: the movie looks like it’s doing a perfect job of transforming David Wong’s opus to film…that’s just how messed up this book is folks.

 

Now let me try and explain the plot:

Video store lackey David Wong and his rocker/burn-out friend John end up taking some black drug (soy sauce) that a Jamaican passes around at a concert, and mass hysteria ensues.  Seeing as though these two losers are really the only sensible people out of all the druggies, they must find a way to defeat the dark evil afflicting the Undisclosed town.  Or…they could just decide to drink heavily and pass out.

 

Thoughts:

If you don’t know, this book actually started out as a web-serial that David Wong (psss…not his real name) began writing way back, and would post a chapter every Halloween.  Which hurts the initial chapters a little: they feel somewhat unassociated with the rest of the book, and being thrown into whacked out scenes from the get-go, without any establishment of plot, made it really hard to relate to the main protagonist, Dave.  Luckily though, it was the crazy batsh*t writing that happened in every paragraph that kept me pressing forward.

 

The book is classified as horror comedy.  There are some really gross and disgusting descriptions in the book, but aside from those, nothing that really scared me.  In fact, the disgusting descriptions are what made me laugh.  Guess I have a screwed up sense of humor.

 

If you’re looking for an intellectual book with glorious prose, then this novel is not for you.  If your between 20 and 35 years old, and spend most of your time watching movies, playing video games and looking at porn…this book might just tickle your fancy.

 

As I was saying, after you get through the initial chapters of the book, working your way through the Vegas storyline, stay with it, you’ll be happy you did.  Because once a secondary character named Amy is thrown into the mix, the book actually starts to resemble a real novel, with plot and conflict and everything.  The early females in the story were really nothing more than a few lines of dialogue-throwaways.  But it seems, once Mr. Wong had a clear path to an ending in mind, the book manifests itself into a real page-turner.  Now, that doesn’t mean all the silly crap disappears, it just means the story has direction.

 

A funny scene:

There’s a sequence in the book that involves a shotgun, a crate, and some demons.  If you’re into to video games, like the author, then this scene will make you laugh out loud.  This is one of John’s best moments in the book.  This also brings me to a…

 

Tangent:

David Wong has been working at Cracked.com as head editor for several years now and has some hysterical articles about video games (A gamer’s Manifesto) and his views on life, which I highly recommend if you have some spare time.  The funny thing is: the story behind the novel is even more impressive.  Wong includes it at the back of the book and it can be found on his website.  I actually admire his persistence with writing such a web-serial and having it turn into now, 2 novels and a movie.

 

Conclusion:

So if you’re in the gamer’s club and fancy a horror/comedy story that’s quite silly and really won’t make you any more intelligent once read—in fact, it might kill a few brain cells while reading—then go ahead and pick this one up, you’ll love it.  If you deem yourself an intellectual and above normal society, then go ahead and pass on this one—right after I give you a good smack in the mouth.  Because life is too short to be that serious.

 

Will I venture into the second book? (Yes, there is another)  Right now, I have a backlog of books to read and I’ve already dropped all my acid while deciphering the first book.  So I’ll have to get to my drug dealer first and then contemplate the second novel.  But I do see me reading it eventually…I mean really—do wacky dick jokes ever lose their charm?

 

3.25 out of 5 stars (a little over 3 stars because it’s damn funny at times, but initially, a little scrambled)

 

Book on Amazon