Sunday, November 18, 2012

Book Review - John Dies @ the End

I know, you see “Book Review” in the title of this post and instantly, that new porn site you found a last night is sounding more and more like it needs a visit, but wait—before you go running off to apply makeup and frolic through some dandelions, hear me out.  Why?  Because this book has been turned into a movie, so maybe you should stick around to find out exactly what it’s all about.
 
Now that I have at least one person’s attention, let me tell you a story.  A co-worker of mine asked me a few days ago:
 
Coworker: “Hey, I seen some new trailers listed.  Was thinking about checking out that ‘John Dies @ the End’—did you see that?”
 
Me: “Yeah, watched it and also read the book.”
 
Coworker: “No crap? What’s it about?”
 
Me: “Meat monsters, penis door handles, farting demons, battle axes, super soaker flame throwers, exploding dogs, gorillas riding giant crabs, shadow people…oh, and soy sauce.”
 
One half of me thought the nonsensical jumble of ridiculous words would magically transform into a perfectly explained story, with plot structure and conflict; the other half expected at least a snicker or a giggle, but neither happened.  Apparently, penis door handles or meat monsters don’t affect him in the least.  So I told him to go watch the trailer and that it’ll straighten everything out.
 
 
Did you watch the trailer above? Great.  Everything makes sense now right?  If the first thing that came to mind was: “I should go check out that new porn site” and the second thing was: “No, the trailer made no friggin’ sense whatsoever.”  Then you’re in the same boat as everyone else.  The funny thing is: the movie looks like it’s doing a perfect job of transforming David Wong’s opus to film…that’s just how messed up this book is folks.
 
Now let me try and explain the plot:
Video store lackey David Wong and his rocker/burn-out friend John end up taking some black drug (soy sauce) that a Jamaican passes around at a concert, and mass hysteria ensues.  Seeing as though these two losers are really the only sensible people out of all the druggies, they must find a way to defeat the dark evil afflicting the Undisclosed town.  Or…they could just decide to drink heavily and pass out.
 
Thoughts:
If you don’t know, this book actually started out as a web-serial that David Wong (psss…not his real name) began writing way back, and would post a chapter every Halloween.  Which hurts the initial chapters a little: they feel somewhat unassociated with the rest of the book, and being thrown into whacked out scenes from the get-go, without any establishment of plot, made it really hard to relate to the main protagonist, Dave.  Luckily though, it was the crazy batsh*t writing that happened in every paragraph that kept me pressing forward.
 
The book is classified as horror comedy.  There are some really gross and disgusting descriptions in the book, but aside from those, nothing that really scared me.  In fact, the disgusting descriptions are what made me laugh.  Guess I have a screwed up sense of humor.
 
If you’re looking for an intellectual book with glorious prose, then this novel is not for you.  If your between 20 and 35 years old, and spend most of your time watching movies, playing video games and looking at porn…this book might just tickle your fancy.
 
As I was saying, after you get through the initial chapters of the book, working your way through the Vegas storyline, stay with it, you’ll be happy you did.  Because once a secondary character named Amy is thrown into the mix, the book actually starts to resemble a real novel, with plot and conflict and everything.  The early females in the story were really nothing more than a few lines of dialogue-throwaways.  But it seems, once Mr. Wong had a clear path to an ending in mind, the book manifests itself into a real page-turner.  Now, that doesn’t mean all the silly crap disappears, it just means the story has direction.
 
A funny scene:
There’s a sequence in the book that involves a shotgun, a crate, and some demons.  If you’re into to video games, like the author, then this scene will make you laugh out loud.  This is one of John’s best moments in the book.  This also brings me to a…
 
Tangent:
David Wong has been working at Cracked.com as head editor for several years now and has some hysterical articles about video games (A gamer’s Manifesto) and his views on life, which I highly recommend if you have some spare time.  The funny thing is: the story behind the novel is even more impressive.  Wong includes it at the back of the book and it can be found on his website.  I actually admire his persistence with writing such a web-serial and having it turn into now, 2 novels and a movie.
 
Conclusion:
So if you’re in the gamer’s club and fancy a horror/comedy story that’s quite silly and really won’t make you any more intelligent once read—in fact, it might kill a few brain cells while reading—then go ahead and pick this one up, you’ll love it.  If you deem yourself an intellectual and above normal society, then go ahead and pass on this one—right after I give you a good smack in the mouth.  Because life is too short to be that serious.
 
Will I venture into the second book? (Yes, there is another)  Right now, I have a backlog of books to read and I’ve already dropped all my acid while deciphering the first book.  So I’ll have to get to my drug dealer first and then contemplate the second novel.  But I do see me reading it eventually…I mean really—do wacky dick jokes ever lose their charm?
 
3.25 out of 5 stars (a little over 3 stars because it’s damn funny at times, but initially, a little scrambled)
 

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