I
know, you see “Book Review” in the title of this post and instantly, that new
porn site you found a last night is sounding more and more like it needs a
visit, but wait—before you go running off to apply makeup and frolic through
some dandelions, hear me out. Why? Because this book has been turned into a
movie, so maybe you should stick around to find out exactly what it’s all
about.
Now
that I have at least one person’s attention, let me tell you a story. A co-worker of mine asked me a few days ago:
Coworker:
“Hey, I seen some new trailers listed.
Was thinking about checking out that ‘John Dies @ the End’—did you see
that?”
Me:
“Yeah, watched it and also read the book.”
Coworker:
“No crap? What’s it about?”
Me:
“Meat monsters, penis door handles, farting demons, battle axes, super soaker
flame throwers, exploding dogs, gorillas riding giant crabs, shadow people…oh,
and soy sauce.”
One
half of me thought the nonsensical jumble of ridiculous words would magically transform
into a perfectly explained story, with plot structure and conflict; the other
half expected at least a snicker or a giggle, but neither happened. Apparently, penis door handles or meat monsters
don’t affect him in the least. So I told
him to go watch the trailer and that it’ll straighten everything out.
Did
you watch the trailer above? Great.
Everything makes sense now right?
If the first thing that came to mind was: “I should go check out that
new porn site” and the second thing was: “No, the trailer made no friggin’
sense whatsoever.” Then you’re in the
same boat as everyone else. The funny
thing is: the movie looks like it’s doing a perfect job of transforming David
Wong’s opus to film…that’s just how messed up this book is folks.
Now
let me try and explain the plot:
Video
store lackey David Wong and his rocker/burn-out friend John end up taking some
black drug (soy sauce) that a Jamaican passes around at a concert, and mass
hysteria ensues. Seeing as though these
two losers are really the only sensible people out of all the druggies, they
must find a way to defeat the dark evil afflicting the Undisclosed town. Or…they could just decide to drink heavily
and pass out.
Thoughts:
If
you don’t know, this book actually started out as a web-serial that David Wong
(psss…not his real name) began writing way back, and would post a chapter every
Halloween. Which hurts the initial
chapters a little: they feel somewhat unassociated with the rest of the book,
and being thrown into whacked out scenes from the get-go, without any
establishment of plot, made it really hard to relate to the main protagonist,
Dave. Luckily though, it was the crazy
batsh*t writing that happened in every paragraph that kept me pressing
forward.
The
book is classified as horror comedy.
There are some really gross and disgusting descriptions in the book, but
aside from those, nothing that really scared me. In fact, the disgusting descriptions are what
made me laugh. Guess I have a screwed up
sense of humor.
If
you’re looking for an intellectual book with glorious prose, then this novel is
not for you. If your between 20 and 35
years old, and spend most of your time watching movies, playing video games and
looking at porn…this book might just tickle your fancy.
As
I was saying, after you get through the initial chapters of the book, working
your way through the Vegas storyline, stay with it, you’ll be happy you
did. Because once a secondary character
named Amy is thrown into the mix, the book actually starts to resemble a real
novel, with plot and conflict and everything.
The early females in the story were really nothing more than a few lines
of dialogue-throwaways. But it seems,
once Mr. Wong had a clear path to an ending in mind, the book manifests itself
into a real page-turner. Now, that
doesn’t mean all the silly crap disappears, it just means the story has
direction.
A
funny scene:
There’s
a sequence in the book that involves a shotgun, a crate, and some demons. If you’re into to video games, like the
author, then this scene will make you laugh out loud. This is one of John’s best moments in the
book. This also brings me to a…
Tangent:
David
Wong has been working at Cracked.com as head editor for several years now and
has some hysterical articles about video games (A gamer’s Manifesto) and his
views on life, which I highly recommend if you have some spare time. The funny thing is: the story behind the
novel is even more impressive. Wong
includes it at the back of the book and it can be found on his website. I actually admire his persistence with
writing such a web-serial and having it turn into now, 2 novels and a movie.
Conclusion:
So
if you’re in the gamer’s club and fancy a horror/comedy story that’s quite
silly and really won’t make you any more intelligent once read—in fact, it
might kill a few brain cells while reading—then go ahead and pick this one up,
you’ll love it. If you deem yourself an
intellectual and above normal society, then go ahead and pass on this one—right
after I give you a good smack in the mouth.
Because life is too short to be that serious.
Will
I venture into the second book? (Yes, there is another) Right now, I have a backlog of books to read
and I’ve already dropped all my acid while deciphering the first book. So I’ll have to get to my drug dealer first
and then contemplate the second novel.
But I do see me reading it eventually…I mean really—do wacky dick jokes
ever lose their charm?
3.25
out of 5 stars (a little over 3 stars because it’s damn funny at times, but
initially, a little scrambled)
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