2013 Year in Review

The average person wakes up every morning to witless bosses, ridiculous requests, limitless bills, and random aggravation.  And when the work day is finally finished all you want is a few hours to watch porn, eat, sleep, and of course, ingest as much entertainment as possible.  Why entertainment?  Sometimes fondling a video game or zoning out to a great movie is the only way to quell the thoughts of how insipid life can be.  And with an entire year down the drain, it's easy to forget just what fantastic and/or terrible entertainment you sat through.  But not to worry my friends, P&P is here to rummage through 2013's landfill.  And no, we won't be touching subjects like Justin Bieber's thirst for whores, or Miley Cyrus' habit of licking dirty tools (not male anatomy, get your head out of the gutter).  We're here to shine a light on movies and video games: the real entertainment.

What?  You act like you never saw a girl that needs a little extra iron in her diet.

MOVIES:

No year is complete if trash didn't make its way to the theater, only to upset the popcorn shoveling mobs.  And this year was no different.  Whether movies flunked Plot Writing 101 or the acting just plain sucked, the turds of 2013 all fall in the same category: toxic waste. 

The biggest failure was…surprise…The Lone Ranger.  With a budget that could have fed a small country and such an iconic name [Johnny Depp] to anchor the film, Hollywood could not fathom what went wrong.  Hmm…could it be the story sucked?  Maybe Armie Hammer as the beloved ranger, running around hating guns and chasing after his brother's wife, just wasn't taboo enough to fill seats.  Or perhaps people are just sick of Depp playing the same role for the last decade.  Either way the movie bombed.  But not to be outdone, Jack the Giant Slayer and the Ryan Reynolds hit, R.I.P.D, weren't very far behind.  But Reynolds didn't want to stop there…the man stuck to his guns and delivered another turd which was in theaters almost the same time as R.I.P.D called Turbo.  Who could possibly hate an animated feature about a snail, who gets swallowed by a car engine and magically has the power to race in the Indy 500?

Despite popular belief, this is NOT a scene from the Pirates of the Caribbean series.

But all the box office blunders weren't just Ryan Reynolds' fault.  No.  Some movies, like The Mortal Instruments, tried to cash-in on the success of the Hunger Games and failed miserably.  Ender's Game saw better days, but that was only because everyone hates what the author of the book stands for, and because Harrison Ford's name doesn't carry the weight of Solo anymore.  Ford also had another stinker, Paranoia: a movie only a few vagrants and the film's extras went to see.  Ashton Kutcher rode the crap-wagon (there's a surprise) with Jobs, and the wonderful tag-team of Will and Jaden Smith delivered some of the worst acting and dialogue this year with After Earth.  But not all 2013 was a pile of dog crap.  No, there were gems too.

"Dad, people on the Interwebs say I'm a terrible actor."

"Don't worry son, as long as I'm around you'll always find work."

"Gee, thanks, Dad."

This year helped cement Matthew McConaughey as an Indie king with Mud.  Gravity floated into movie-goer hearts and Michael Shannon continued his great performances with The Iceman and Man of Steel.  The latter of which giving DC a kick in the pants to invigorate their franchises and tie them together, mimicking Disney.  Speaking of Marvel, they continue to spew comic-book movies out of their respectable asses, gracing the screen with Iron Man 3, which filled the biggest purse this year, and Thor: The Dark World.

Jenny Lawrence let her behind sway in two giant films: The Hunger Games: Catching Fire and American Hustle.  Brad Pitt moved full steam ahead with zombies in World War Z and played second or third banana in 12 Years a Slave, starring Chiwetel Ejiofor (try to type that name with spell-check).  Simon Pegg and pal, Nick Frost, played drunken buddies in The World's End, and Tom Cruise fought himself in Oblivion.  (Guess you really can't get enough Cruise, even when he’s numbered in the thousands)  Despicable Me 2 and Monsters University brought in huge numbers, and the Fast and Furious franchise delivered their best film yet, with the sixth installment.  But what surprised us the most this year was Hugh Jackman and Jake Gyllenhaal dishing out extremely, unbelievable performances in Prisoners.

"Damn...is that TV playing the remake of Karate Kid?  Jaden Smith couldn't act his way out 

of a paper bag, let alone play an Italian kid from New Jersey."

And not to undersell TV, this year saw the finale of two monster shows: Breaking Bad and Dexter.  Breaking Bad concluded with what people are calling "the most perfect" five seasons of television.  Walter White's exit from the last episode revealed some writers have the vision and balls to finish a show properly, whereas Dexter scrambled with his dead sister through a hospital, while everyone looked on.

"Don't worry Deb, I'm gonna kill you and then carry you out of a highly populated hospital 

for one last trip on my boat.  How's that sound?"

VIDEO GAMES:

What a year for joystick fondling introverts!  Not only did 2013 see the return of some beloved franchises, but the next generation of gaming is now underway.  The biggest name to roll out of the gate was of course, GTA 5, bringing all the lovely hookers, drug dealers, heists, psychos, and nutty family tasks you could handle.  Shame the story wasn't up to par.  But not to worry as a Playstation exclusive had you covered.  The Last of Us exposed gamers to the next evolution in gaming experiences, harnessing a story that made you fall for every character you met.

JRPG's had some love with Ni No Kuni, which delivered studio Ghibli to your fingertips.  But if it was a crazy story and beautiful visuals that you craved, then Bioshock Infinite’s ending had you covered.  Nintendo, sitting last in the console war—due to 90's graphics—birthed fun on the Wii U and 3DS with Super Mario 3D world, Animal Crossing: New Leaf, and the Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker.  Huge titles like Call of Duty: Ghosts had a quieter release, because of the next generation consoles or the fact that people are tired of Activision releasing the same game under a new name—every frigging year.  Speaking of every year, another Assassin's Creed (Black Flag) came out, this time shoving pirates in your face, and a little known woman, by the name of Lara Croft, rebooted her life in Tomb Raider—soon to be re-released on the new consoles.  DC threw Superman under the bus in Injustice: Gods Among Us, as the Devil May Cry stunned its fans with a new set of clothes and a fashionable haircut.

"Mr. Drippy, I have a question."

"What is it now, Bunting?"

"I get all this magic stuff, but what really throws me for a loop is...how do you blow your nose?"

Smaller games also had gigantic impacts this past year, making people praise their stories, or ideas, or controls, or even visuals.  Tearaway fell into the laps of Vita owners who yearned for more games, but they still had a hard time pulling P4G out of their system.  Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons surprised the populace, along with Rayman Legends and Guacamelee.  But it’s Gone Home that still has non-PC gamers scratching their heads and expelling vulgarity. 

Not to be outdone, mobile gaming had a few hits that made hardcore gamers somewhat accept the iPad in their homes.  Ports like Star Wars: KOTOR, GTA: San Andreas, and Xcom: Enemy Unknown helped two or three customers teetering on the fence, splurge on a tablet.  And let's not forget about a few originals: Republique, Oceanhorn, the Room 2, Deus Ex: The Fall, Device 6, and the king of mobile: Infinity Blade 3.  But it’s Telltale's the Walking Dead season 2 and the new Wolf Among Us that’ll have people talking until next year.

"Yo!  Don't fall asleep on my furniture while smoking.  You could burn this place down.  

Holy crap, I'm talking to a pig..."

THE FUTURE:

You may be the type of person who has played and watched everything on the list above and still desires more.  If that's the case, 2014 has you covered.  Enormous films are on the way:  Roboslop...whoops Robocop, Noah, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Transcendence, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Godzilla, X-Men: Days of Future Past, Edge of Tomorrow, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, Guardians of the Galaxy, Interstellar, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1, and hopefully the end of the Hobbit. 

If games are your thing, here's a few to stimulate your naughty bits: Final Fantasy 85 or 15 or 13 returns or whatever, Naughty Dog's next Uncharted, Infamous: Second Son, Destiny, Thief, The Order: 1886, The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt, South Park: The Stick of Truth, and finally...The Elder Scrolls Online.

"If you think this is cool, wait until you see what I can do on the way down."

P&P knows how much fun it is to dream about and crave the future, but never forget to always make the best of today.  See you next year.  

Happy New Year from Prose and Postulations!

DVD Movie Review - Silver Linings Playbook

Silver Linings Playbook can be summed up by two words: tragically charming.  The film portrays the realness of mental illness, but tends to stay on the upbeat side of the coin, using humor and a love story to keep the plot moving.

I learned three things while watching this film:

1) Jennifer Lawrence isn't as bad an actress as once perceived.

2) Bradley Cooper had an Oscar ripped out of his hands.

3) I've missed Chris Tucker.

"Wait...are you telling me you hired the chick from the Hunger Games?  That movie was ridiculous,

and her acting...atrocious."

STORY:

Pat (Bradley Cooper) who suffers from bipolar disease, has been recently released from a health institution due to a legality his mother found.  Still in high hopes of gaining back his wife's love, Pat decides to find the silver lining in life by staying healthy and getting everything he lost—a wife, house, family, friends—back.  When he meets town nympho, Tiffany, crazy dialogue, hilarious dancing, and heartwarming moments ensue.

"Hahaha...this isn't what it seems.  I'm just out for a drive with two mental patients, is all."

THOUGHTS ON WHY PEOPLE DISLIKED IT:

There are a ton of people who disliked the way mental illness was portrayed in this film, thus disliking the film itself.  And though mental illness is a serious matter, most felt as though it wasn't handled with respect, as the movie has too many funny scenes, and ends on a positive note, instead of being more realistic. 

I understand your pain and how you felt as though the film was making fun of people with mental illness, but you have to understand one thing: if the film was a realistic documentary covering bipolar disease, and stayed true to life showing that there may not be a winning combination to its defeat, not nearly as many people would have watched it—me included.  And not because I don't care, but because when I watch a movie, I do so to take myself out of the reality of true life.  True life stinks.  It's depressing, mean, uncaring, and never gives a crap about whether you're having a bad day or not.  So why the hell do I want to watch a movie that'll make me more depressed than normal?  I'd rather watch a movie that Hollywood ended on a good note, so I don't have to throw myself off the closest bridge after it’s over.

Crap. I shouldn't of ate that fourth bean burrito, after downing a 24 pack of Miller.

MOVIE THOUGHTS:

I watched the Hunger Games and thought Jennifer Lawrence was the worst actor/actress I've ever seen, coming second only to Hutcherson.  An “A-Class” doorknob, if you will.  But it seems somewhere deep inside, living dormant was an acting skill worthy of an award, and it took a great director to find it.  Was her performance Oscar worthy?  Considering the competition at the Oscars, I'd lean toward yes.  Was it the best I've ever seen?  No, but it was leaps and bounds better than the block of wood she portrayed in the Hunger Games.

Bradley Cooper must have been lumped over the head, because his Oscar was ripped from of his hands, and there was no fighting involved.  I saw Lincoln, and aside from standing, sitting, standing, and then sitting again, Daniel Day-Lewis did absolutely nothing Oscar worthy, except portray a President everyone likes these days.  Cooper on the other hand, portrayed an unknown man that should be medicated, so you do the math. 

"Are you saying he stole your Oscar?  You want me to break his frigging kneecaps?"

Cooper's Pat was downright hilarious, tragic and lovable, all at the same time.  Being able to deliver lines that fast and react that well to other dialogue, was something of genius.  If you find humor in many things, than Pat’s mannerisms and dialogue will have you laughing out loud one minute and feeling terrible the next, displaying a perfect balance between funny and sad.  Some people could say that his acting was over the top, but that's what made it great.  Pat being totally unfiltered and uncaring led to unexpected scenes that made me almost choke on my popcorn.

Damn I miss Chris Tucker.  He was well cast in the film as Pat's friend from the institution.  Having choice scenes where he would pop in and out, broke up the humor, by having you laugh at someone other than Cooper for a change.  I'm glad to see him back, hopefully next time it'll be for a bigger role, where we can get the full effect of his high voice and great facial expressions.

"Man, don't bring up the time we stole those drugs, and then passed out naked on 

the lawn at the institution. My girl's right here. Damn"

SCENES: (minor spoilers—read at your own risk)

When the movie starts it had a serious tone and I wondered if that vibe would be carried throughout, that is...until Ernest Hemingway's book went flying out the window.  I knew right there I was in for an unforeseen treat.  It showed the film had the ability to balance humor and drama.  And then the scene that follows the broken window, with Pat waking his parents up at 4am to tell them how much he hated the novel, and then proceeding to apologize, not for himself, but for Hemingway—priceless.

"I've beaten and buried men in the desert for less..."

THE MUSIC:

Have you ever watched a movie and heard that one song that'll stand out forever because of one specific scene?  That's what "Girl from North Country" will now be for me.  I thought it was perfectly placed and just a stellar selection for the dance montage.  Not to mention the rest of the music is fantastic in the movie, including the song that humorously sets Pat off.  Well done.

"And the next American Idols are..."

MORE THOUGHTS:

Even though it has great dialogue and unexpected character actions, the film is adorned with the typical Hollywood style plot.  At about 1/3 into the movie, you can and will be able to predict the ending, and maybe even call the slight twist.  But if the movie didn't end the way you expected, you might have felt cheated and probably would've hated it.  So, for those who thought the plot was over the top—did you really want it to end on a sour note?  Why?  Can't a story (and by story, I mean a full-fledged fabricated accounting of events) be fun and uplifting, instead of real and frigging tragically depressing?

"It's okay, only about half the world saw the Hunger Games.  I'm sure most people 

already forgot about your terrible performance."

CONCLUSION:

Silver Linings Playbook blends humor, drama, love story, and mental health issues seamlessly.  The plot may feel over dramatized or outlandish at times, but the film will never cease to entertain.  This is the type of movie that when it comes on TV no matter which point you tune in, you'll watch it again and again.  If you're looking for a movie for date night, this is an excellent choice.  The romance/love story will keep the women involved, and the humor/football will keep the men entertained.  It's hands-down, one of the best movies I've seen so far this year and I'm sorry I missed it in theaters.

4 1/2 out of 5 stars (minus ½ a star for the slight predictable ending)

2012 Year End Movie Bonanza! Part: 1

Disclaimer:  This title is just a way for us to revisit the movies we hated and movies we loved.  All the awards from here out are strictly made up for our own amusement, and this does not and will not ever reflect or have any association with actual Movie awards…ever, we’re not kidding.  So, sit back and take the plunge back in time with us.

 

Some people look at 2012 and see one of the biggest years for movies—release of The Dark Knight Rises and the monumental Avengers—others will look back and see a year full of remakes (Total Recall & Red Dawn Etc.) and dribble, showing just how dried up Hollywood has really become.  And looking at the rotten economy, the major studios don’t want to take those risks that would be normalcy, they want sure bets, so for better or worse, let’s look back at some of crap and absolute gems we sat through this year.

 

Worst Book 2 Movie Adaptation:

JOHN CARTER

 

With a plot that was created by taking clichés, pinning them to a wall and throwing darts.  A lead actor who's famous for bringing movies down to the bottom rung of sales, and a screenplay that could have been better if 5 year olds took out Crayola crayons and adapted the book…what's not to love about John Carter? 

Taylor Kitsch played the title character just as Edgar Rice Burroughs intended: a perfectly modeled block of wood.  Adding to the movie's grace was Andrew Stanton who proclaimed the source material stayed perfectly intact.  The movie was so far from the book they should have named it Stars Wars VII and just be done with it.  Thankfully Stanton at least was able to copy and paste some of the book's names and places into the script without too much error.  I've never been so ashamed of the Princess of Mars in my life.  The good thing is they didn't call the movie that, so in 5 years we could be looking at a possible reboot.

 

Movie Franchise that has to pack it up:

THE EXPENDABLES 2

 

Not only did we get to see washed up action stars in one movie, but this year we received another just like it.  And from what I hear, a third is on the way.  Most of the actors in the film needed a walker to keep them from falling over, and the story was so bad it almost brought back Van Damme's career, which was resting happily under Bloodsport.  It was funny at first, but now they're just beating a dead horse or dead actors, depending on how you look at it.

 

The unwatched Movie with a hot actress:

UNDERWORLD AWAKENING

 

Beckinsale is one of the hottest actresses in Hollywood, but not even her perfectly shaped hips wedged inside tight leather could save this one.  It might have been the fact that it really didn't have an ending or maybe it was the terrible plot, or lack thereof.  Kate really should be running in the opposite direction of this franchise, but how they left it, it seems she might be already involved in another.  I didn't even pay to see this movie and I want my money back.

 

Worst movie promo:

HAYWIRE

 

Hey, I have an idea, let's get an actual female boxer, who can't act worth-a-sh*t and make her the star of an action film.  I don't know if it’s the director's fault or what?  Because when I think about it, all the actors in the film looked like they showed up for the paycheck and forgot they were shooting a movie.  Even Fassbender’s scene—which was heavily shown in the trailers because it was really the highlight of the film—felt cold, as if they shot it one time and just decided whatever they had was good enough.  Yes, Gina Carano can kick your ass in real life, but that doesn't mean she can act.  Keep her in Hollywood as a stunt-woman, but don't ever give her a line again.

 

Worst Robot Movie:

BATTLESHIP

 

Brooklyn Decker is smoking and giant robot aliens that change into super charged wrecking-balls are cool, but two words can some up this tanker: Taylor Kitsch.  Enough said.

 

The movie that we’re ashamed to say we saw:

ROADIE

 

There’s nothing like wasting a few hours of your life watching a guy acting like he's wasting several years of his.  This was one of those movies that you had to finish once you started just to see how something that awful will end.  It’s a shame too, because Ron Eldard was excellent in Sleepers and Mystery Alaska, but the performance and the story was as good as old Chinese food: looks and seems like a good idea and might even taste decent going down, but you know in the end you’re going to be paying for it.

 

Best Sci-Fi concepts/environments:

TOTAL RECALL

 

You can read my review of this one.  Total Recall surprised the crap out of me.  The backdrops and futuristic ideas, props, and environments are enough to keep me coming back.  With a lead actor who gave it his all, and two beautiful leading ladies (Beckinsale & Biel), this film almost had it all, if it weren't for that remake problem.  They need to gather up all the artists that worked on this one and throw an original script at them…please.

 

Biggest Movie Disappointment:

PROMETHEUS

 

The problem with this one and the rest of the movies on this list is the hype that was built up beforehand.  It completely and utterly destroyed the expectations I had going into these movies.  Seriously, Ridley Scott taking the helm—all people could do was compare it with Alien, and don’t get me wrong, the film had its moments.  I almost made a “best use of a C-Section” category for it, but decided to just mention it here.  Noomi Rapace and the rest of the crew of Prometheus really gave it their all.  The acting was top notch throughout, but the story fell flat on its face, because instead of giving you a prequel to Alien like millions expected, you received Ridley Scott’s thesis on why we’re here and who made us.  If millions of people expected one thing, why do something totally different after you stated that it is a prequel to Alien.  Why?  Just to aggravate everyone or bring in ticket sales?  It makes me sad because it could have been so much more than a mixed bag of ideas.  Here’s hoping the next one he makes explains all the crap from the first one.  Oh, and he better not ruined Blade Runner.

 

Runners Up:

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES

I know some of you expected this in the “Best Movie” category, but it’s time we all faced facts, and put aside our love for Batman for just one moment. 

We were getting reports of who was in the film and what it was about before they even ended shooting.  The internet had more takes of it being shot than Nolan did.  I wanted to love this film, to hold close to my chest and twirl like a little girl…maybe even sleep with it tucked under my pillow every now and then just to calm myself, but it’s hard to admit—it could have been so much more. 

Here’s the case of too much story with not enough time.  By the time they were done editing, it seemed more like left-over scenes Nolan had lounging on a shelf and decided to put together.  The film had its moments, and Hardy’s acting is always perfect, but it wasn’t enough to pull the ending into what could have been the greatest comic book story ever told. 

The best part was Hathaway as Catwoman.  I still feel as though Bale is just a guy in a suit.  Anyone could have played his part just as good, because what made the other films such classics wasn’t his acting, but the fantastic story that was told.  The bar was set very high with the Dark Knight and the 3^rd piece to this puzzle, dove head first into it, instead of over it.  Can’t wait to see what the studio does with the Justice League.

 

THE HUNGER GAMES

This one, good God…what can be said.  The review here, said most of it, but let me give you the short version.  Terrible, terrible premise.  There, done.  That’s all there is.  The whole idea of the games with the children is ridiculous and it astounds me women went flocking to the theaters like it was a 2 for 1 sale.  The lines and money this movie brought in, and the two more on the way makes me really think about our culture today.  Is this the slop we really want to feed down our throats?  The funny thing is several authors jumped on the Hunger Games bandwagon and wrote books with the same ideas in mind.  The sad thing is the movie studios are now looking into to them also…where does it end?

 

CHRONICLE

You have to see this movie man, it’s like totally awesome—the best superhero movie ever!  You know you read the reviews on the internet and heard people singing this one from the mountain tops.  The trailer had me stoked, the reviews had me creaming in my pants, and the movie itself left a feeling of “Eh” in my mouth.  Chronicle is one of those movies that after you see it you never have to see it again.  There’s absolutely no reason.  First, I hate the “shaky” cam bullsh*t—damn you Cloverfield—and second, it was just a movie about a few friends goofing around when you get down to it.  The hype and magic I heard about this one had me dancing around when it started, and when it was over I wanted to throw my soda at the screen.  At a running time of 84 minutes (which is almost equivalent to a children’s film) it had about 70 minutes of “Hey look at this” and 8 minutes of conflict, leaving 6 minutes of random shots of trees, the sky, and the credits.  This would have made a great short film, but the greatest superhero movie ever?  Nope.

 

WRECK-IT RALPH

I ran to the theater to catch this one like I was seven years old again.  I couldn’t wait to see my former game icons mucking it up and goofing off.  The reviews were again, over the top, saying that this was the greatest video game movie ever…EVER.  So I couldn’t wait.  I snuggled into my theater seat with a smile on my face that nothing could have turned into a frown, except maybe a mediocre animated film in Candy-land.  The beginning had promise, with Ralph running into to all kinds of characters and there was a great idea behind it, but once you met Vanellope, the movie turned into a C-grade kid’s film about a bitchy little girl who just had to race.  Not only that, but the damn plot was so predictable after that, even my popcorn started to taste regurgitated.  I expected so much more, and was left with a film I’m ashamed to say I saw.

 

Worst Try at a Reboot:

THE BOURNE LEGACY

 

They said this one was bad in the reviews, but I just couldn’t believe Renner would make a crappy movie, not after the Town, it’s just not possible.  And then I rented it, and my feelings changed dramatically.  The studio executives thought throwing the Bourne name on the title would help this one, but actually it really hurt it.  All you did throughout the film was compare, compare, compare.  The other three weren’t perfect, but the first and last Damon films were pretty frigging awesome…some of my favorite action sequences.  This film seemed like it was recycled garbage, and to try and give it some plot thickness they even squashed Matt Damon’s face in there whenever they could—let me be the first to tell you, it didn’t work.  Wait, what am I talking about, the reviews already did that.  Oh, well how about this: don’t make another.  There, I’m probably the first to say that.  No?  Screw it, let’s move on.

 

Best Sports Movie:

GOON

 

This was going to make it into the “Biggest surprise Movie” category, but we thought it should have its own.  IMBD says it was released in 2011 at a film festival, but I don’t remember seeing this in the theaters until 2012.  And since we can do pretty much what we want here, we’re including it…if you don’t like that, tough crap, its already done.

This film surprised the sh*t out of me, and not only that, Sean William Scott’s usually comedic demeanor was nowhere to be found.  He played a solid role, filling the skates of a simple-minded hockey bruiser, who you couldn’t help but root for.  The whole movie was outstanding on a small scale.  Liev Schreiber has one of the best scenes of his career in this film.  It involves both goons meeting by chance in a diner, and the exchange of dialogue is perfect.  The only thing or person I found annoying was Jay Baruchel’s character.  At first he was funny, but then after a while you wanted to gag him with a dirty sock to end the annoying language.  But I guess, since he helped write it, I’ll let it pass.  If you haven’t seen this movie and you like sports or hockey, give it whirl, you won’t be disappointed.

 

Worst Comedy?

THE WATCH

 

The reason why there’s a question mark up there is because I don’t really know what this movie was, and neither do the actors or writers.  Vince Vaughan was Vince Vaughan, but that didn’t help a movie that wanted to be a comedy, mixed with Sci-Fi, mixed with action, mixed with—whatever else you want to throw at it.  And that was the real problem.  They should have gone completely over the top with comedy and thrown out all the other junk.  Ben Stiller was terrible in this as the controlling neighbor and Jonah Hill was there.  The Sci-Fi aspect killed this film.  If it would have been three idiot friends getting into trouble without aliens trying to take over the world (starting with a Costco, of course) it might have had promise, but they completely threw the comedy viewers out the window when the aliens were introduced.  Oh, well…we still have Wedding Crashers when our Vaughan meter needs to be recharged.

 

Runner up:

WANDERLUST

Paul Rudd is excellent when paired with an outrageous comedic actor.  His “feel sorry for me” role always works out perfectly that way.  (See Role Models for example)  But what happens when you pair him with Jennifer Aniston, who also plays the normal everyday gal?  Let me tell you: Nothing. 

I didn’t know if this movie was trying to make a statement about world peace or was trying to make me laugh, because it did neither.  The plot—aside from naked hippies and group sex—was the same old love story: boy falls for girl, something happens so they hate each other, girl realizes she loves boy…the end.  Now go and write a better movie with Rudd in it, and maybe include a side of Vince Vaughan.

 

Best Comedy

21 JUMP STREET

 

This movie is balls funny.  And if you know how funny balls can be, then you know what I’m talking about.  Channing Tatum is at his best when he’s in comedic roles, his action and romance characters are terrible—he needs more funny roles.  Usually Jonah Hill comes off as the annoying douche of movies, but in this one he was perfect.  The two of them together and just the stuff they get into is priceless.  Even Ice Cube had me falling out of my seat with his loud mouth Captain Dickson.  This movie is comedic gold and the writers of The Watch should watch this and take notes, because you didn’t see any frigging aliens running around the high school just to make it funny, did you?  No.

 

Runner up:

THIS MEANS WAR

 

Tom Hardy can literally play any role, and each character he does looks totally different from all the others.  Then you have Chris Pine, who I think hasn’t received enough work—also a great actor, just watch Star Trek for the umpteenth time and you’ll know what I’m talking about.  The reason this ended up as a runner-up is because it fell into the trap of being some-what of a chick-flick.  To sappy at times, but when the comedy is turned up to 11, like the paintball scene with Hardy or the fine art scene with Pine, its pure magic.  This is the film where women will love it and men will be comfortable watching it, without it causing the finer sex to run for the tissues like The Notebook.  If you guys are looking for a good date movie, here it is.  The one problem I had was overcoming the fact that both of the guys in the movie wanted Reese Witherspoon.

 

______________________________________________________________________________

All these categories are just the beginning.  Come back next week for Part 2, which includes these categories and more:

“That Nick Cage Movie”

“Worst Casting”

“Biggest Surprise Movie”

“Movie that should never have been Made”

“Most Visceral”

“Best Movie 2012”