FAQ

We're here in the luscious headquarters of Prose and Postulations to interview the man behind the words, and I have to say: the headquarters somewhat resembles an eighteen year old’s basement—furnished complete with grandma's throw-pillows.

“It almost scares me that you know what a throw-pillow actually is.”

Your name is Hank, correct?

“You got it.  Go ahead and take a seat.”

Should I just...?

“Grab one of those milk crates?  Sure, anyone but the red one, I'm kinda partial to that one.”

Nice place.  Is that an original TMNT movie poster?

“Don't judge me.”

Okay, let's get started.  The name: Prose and Postulations, where did it come from?

“Well, I initially wanted to make a name so obscure, so long, and so ridiculous that no one would ever remember it.  I think I succeeded.” 

The website hasn't had much overhauling since it started, huh?

“It gets the job done.  Next question.”

So the people want to know: why do you only post once a week?

“Because there's this little thing called life that always gets in the way.  Work—I'm talking about real work, the kind you get paid for—family, errands, sleeping, eating, getting dressed, crapping, video game playing, streaking, and obviously, references for the blog itself.  If I had nothing to do all day long, I guess I'd post a lot more, but since I have other priorities, this blog falls to the back burner.  And I want to be able to keep a set schedule.  One post per week keeps the expectations real.”

Wait—I thought there were more people involved in this blog?

“There were, but as you know, people either get bored or were full of crap to begin with.  In my case, everyone is both.  But since I was the one that wrote all the reviews and articles, anyway, I just kept going.”

So in what way do other people help?

“There are guest posts here and there.  But most of the time, I just come up with all the ridiculous crap on my own and people have to read it.”

Well, they don't really have to read it?

“What the hell are you talking about?  It's on the Internet, isn't it?  Of course people are reading it.  Have you read some the crap people tweet, and then others re-tweet?  There's an audience for anything, even slop.”

Alright.  Well, why do you write, then?

“For the notoriety and fame of course.  Do you know how much money this blog pulls down each week?”

How much?

“Nothing.  And that's saying something.”

Can other people write for P&P?

“Sure, if they want absolutely no notoriety and almost no pay.”

Almost no pay?

“Okay. No pay.”

Right.  Who picks the topics?

“Who picks the topics?  Haven’t you been listening?”

What would you say your main goal at P&P is?

“Besides letting people discover their inner sexual fantasies?”

Um...yes.  Besides that.

“To entertain.  If people aren't laughing or having a good time, what's the sense in doing anything?  ‘There's no such thing as too much fun.’  Read that under a Snapple lid once.  I'd say those people have their act together.”

Sounds like it.  If people want to contact you to send their praises or hate-mail, where can they do so?

“They can send me (Hank) an email at proseandpostulations@gmail.com.”

Will you actually read and answer their questions?

“That depends…”

On?

“…on whether or not I have the time.  I try to get to everyone when I can, but answering emails is the last thing on my list.  Next question.”

I'm out of questions.

“This interview sucked.  Not one camera, microphone, or dancing girl.  How do you expect to make it big one day?  Look around you, all this is from hard work.” 

Okay...?

“When can I see this interview in print?”

Print?  You're interviewing yourself.  It's going in the new FAQ area on the blog.

“Shh…you're ruining the magic.  You know, you'd probably be quite handsome if you wore something other than a Superman t-shirt from the 70's and those sweatpants.”

Thanks…I guess?  And thanks to all the readers of P&P, you keep us—me—whatever, going.

*drops imaginary microphone and heads upstairs to see what mom made for lunch*