Saturday, May 25, 2013

Movie Review - Iron Man 3


Tony Stark is back and this time he's bigger (not really), badder (debatable), and comes jam packed with more fireworks (this unfortunately is true).

Coming off the tragedy that was Iron Man 2, this film will allow you to breathe a little better, not having the stench of such a terrible story-line groping your nostrils.  But is it better than the first Iron Man?  No way.  There are hints and throw-backs to the very first film, but this one is in no way able to compare.  It does however wrap up the trilogy nicely—that's of course if you never ask yourself the question: "Why."

"Umm...Mr. Downey, we're gonna need you to come down now.  Look, Iron Man 2 
really wasn't that bad."

STORY:
Tony being the egotistical maniac that he is decides to play a prank back in 1999 and that small, itsy bitsy little prank causes a huge problem years later for the Starkster.  A terrorist starts blowing up all kinds of crap, and it’s up to only Iron Man and his lap dog, War Machine—oops, I mean Iron Patriot—to save the day.  Metal hilarity ensues.

THOUGHTS:
You might have a little problem.  You might be one of those people that always ask the question why, while you're viewing a movie.  If you are, Iron Man 3 might make you pull your hair out, shave your eyebrows, or worse…throw away all your coveted Jersey Shore DVD's.  Luckily, my frustration didn't reach that far, and I'm happy to say my entire Snooki collection of junk is safe and sound, buried in my backyard. 

There are more holes in Iron Man 3's plot than a block of finely aged Swiss cheese.  But before you get pissed off, know that if you just "go with it" and let everything slide, you can still enjoy the movie.

"I'm not gonna lie to ya--I can't seem to get the hell out of this armor.  Help."

It has explosions.  It has suits of armor.  And it has sarcastic dialogue that only Robert Downey Jr. can pull off.  So why isn't it awesome?  Because there's a ton of crap the writers just decided either wasn't necessary or hoped the audience would just forget.  Now, granted, this is a fictional universe where a man in a shiny suit can fly around and damage more of his own property than anything else, but even in fantasy your frigging plot has to add up, and this one doesn't.

The beginning starts off post NY events with the Avengers.  At least there's a continuum here.  Most of the comedy bits and dialogue seemed aimed at the younger audience (the whole metal to the groin thing) and made it feel like they're repeating some things we've already seen.  How many times can you possibly show the suit walking around Tony's house doing mundane things and it not become old?  On the plus side, Happy Hogan (Jon Favreau) has more screen time and it’s much appreciated.  His character was really the only character that felt fresh, with humorous dialogue and great mannerisms.  Seeing things in Happy's eyes gave a new perspective on the Stark world, and it was a welcome departure.

"Hey Tony, you didn't let anyone else pack your suitcase for you...did you?"

Then you meet the Mandarin (Ben Kingsley).  Dum dum dummmmm.  He’s painted as the perfect knock-off of Osama Bin Laden.  Yes, he does somewhat look like the comic book character, but still, with the videos and scenes the movie shows, I couldn't help but see OBL inside there.  The character is almost a throwaway, but given the great scenes Kingsley has about half-way through, the Mandarin is worth the inclusion.  The real die-hard comic fanatics will have a field day with this, but I don't want to spoil anything here.  Kingsley played a great role, and after you've seen the movie, he will be the one character you'll be talking about the most.

Kingsley shows off his ferocity by stroking his beard for three hours.

Guy Pearce really enjoyed his time on screen and held his own with the great RDJ.  He plays Aldrich Killian, a slightly jaded man with revenge running through his veins, among other things.  Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow) had some more bad-ass scenes this time around, but not as many as I expected.

After much deliberations, Marvel decided to remove the sex scene to obtain a PG-13 rating.

War Machine (Don Cheadle) or Iron Patriot now—since the new American red, white, and blue paint job—was always a sore spot with me...even in the comics.  But in the movies he just seems like a waste of time and robot.  Tony Stark after finding out all the bad crap his weapons manufacturing did, decides to go "green" and save the earth.  He also decides that no one should have the power of his suits because they could be used as a weapon—especially governments.  But Rhodes gets to run around in an Iron Man suit and do all the government's bidding?  Imagine having another guy run around dressed exactly like Batman with all his gadgets—what the hell would you need Batman for then?  There should be only one Iron Man—Tony Stark.  Did the character play an important role in the movie?  They wrote it in that way, but in reality, Rhodes and the suit caused more harm than good and with all of Tony's new toys (the spectacle at the end), Iron Patriot could have been dropped completely.

"Man, I just let one go...and now that smell will be trapped in here for at least a week."

The middle road of the movie tries to get back to the roots of the Iron Man character, but the whole stripping-Tony-down-to-his-bare-bones only works if the ending didn't happen the way it did.  Having Tony lay-low and talk to actual middle-class people was a nice touch, but the whole reason behind all that is just a major plot hole. 

In the usual fashion the ending is one major movie sequence after another and everything seems to go out with a bang.  Like I said—if you check logic at the door, than this movie will be quite fun and enjoyable.  If you expect reasoning behind things, or even explanations—like how exactly the Extremis really works—than you'll be one sour puss leaving the theater.

After years of denial, Mr. Downey finally faced facts.  Him and the Iron Man suit now go 
to counseling twice a week.

>>>SPOILERS & SOME PLOT HOLES: (Don't act like you don't know what that means!)
Alright, so Tony seems to be the real villain here for leaving Killian on a roof for an hour.  If that didn't happen, none of the events in this movie would have taken place, right?  They should have literally cut that whole flash-back out and just had Killian as competition, instead of another personal vendetta.  I've had friends leave me hanging for longer than that, and I have a simple reaction: you snatch them up by the throat and tell them not to do it again at least for another month, and all is well.  Now, if you come to find out your friend got laid, and that was the reason he didn't show up (the same thing Tony was doing) you congratulate him, suck it up, and move on.

Another thing that made no frigging sense: Tony spends time in some kid's garage waiting for the M42 to charge (which also is ridiculous because the ARC Reactor in his chest powers the damn thing) when he had, what—20 free flying suits hiding in the basement of his house that only show up for the ending?

Also, you know how they showed he had built-up stress from the NY events?  Well, who gives a crap?  His anxiety never showed up in battle.  It was only when people asked for autographs or said the words New and York in the same sentence.

And one more thing: what the hell was Tony…Oh, screw it.  There were many more plot holes and to tell you the truth, I don't have the time or energy to list them all here.  I'm sure there's whole websites out there dedicated to this nonsense, so I'll stop now, and let you move on with your life.
>>>END OF SPOILERS<<<

After spending days in the same position, unable to flip himself over, Iron Man discovers 
his one weakest: falling on his back.

CONCLUSION:
Iron Man 3 is a romping ride, filled with adrenaline, explosions, silly crotch-smacking jokes and amazing sets.  If you're looking for pure popcorn fun, this is your movie.  If you're looking for a little more plot twist and logic, you might have a tough time getting this one to go down.  All in all, Iron Man 3 is exactly what you'd expect: a loud thoughtless ride with more fun than story structure.

3 out of 5 stars (minus a star for the plot holes & another for the same reason)

Saturday, May 18, 2013

DVD Movie Review - Parker


Parker started out with a firm grasp into the action genre, but then the inclusion of “Jenny from the block” crushed any hopes of this film rising above mediocrity—or crap, depending on which word you prefer.

"Lalalala, I can't hear you...lalalalalala."  
I said J-Lo wants to be in your movie!  Will someone please take those jumper-cables away from him.

CAUTION! WARNING!
Spoilers will be spilt from here on out, because without mentioning story plots and ideas, this review would not be funny or informative or even slightly entertaining—just a jumble of words with no reasoning behind them.  And since we're always looking to educate and back-up our thorough opinions here on P&P, we will move forth with a spoiler ridden review.  Also, since Statham movies are not known for extreme depth or puzzling plots, we feel as though you may still be able to enjoy (using that word loosely) the film even after reading this in-depth review.  Please enjoy your stay, and try not to view this blog after any porn.  Someone keeps getting the posts all sticky, and even though it’s understandable, it’s still very nauseating. 

"Olay!"  
Moments later, Mr. Statham finally realized he wasn't fighting a bull at all.

STORY:
Parker (Jason Statham) spends his time pulling heists with his girlfriend and girlfriend's father.  His latest job has Parker working with 4 other idiots who nobody seems to know.  When Parker's heist rules are broken and the job goes south, action revenge scenes and silly interludes with J-Lo ensue.

Miss J-Lo, Ma'am, we've had this shot for days--how many times does Jason have to rub 
his fingers along your back before we can move on?

THOUGHTS:
As soon as Statham came on screen disguised as a Priest, the first thing that popped into my head was: "This guy needs to play Hitman in a new updated movie version of the beloved game.”  And you don't even need to shave his head—it's already done.  Not only did his mannerisms, dialogue, or physique scream Hitman, but the way he disappeared into a crowd more than once in the movie, shows the potential is already there.  They just need a really great writer to slam dunk the script…call me, a little time has opened up in my schedule—just saying.  Anyway:

Agent 47, your prime objective is a 40-something washed-up Ms. Lopez and a secondary 
objective named Nolte, a.k.a. Mumbles.

The opening sequence of events really had potential, mixing slight comedy with mystery and thriller tones.  The film doesn't waste any time getting into the plot, which I prefer, and the set-up for the heist looked well written and thought-out.  Then the whole twist thing happens, and even though it feels like they're kicking a dead horse here, and then pretty much raping it too, the twist still came off as typical Statham action.  At this point, I was thinking this could turn out to be a really decent action movie—you know "Statham Standard.”

And then the camera cuts to a hung-over, 40 something, Jennifer Lopez.  And if there is any hint out there that this may be her come-back role, let me squash that rumor right now.  She stinks.  Worst then the kid everyone called pig-pen in high school, who didn't shower, cut his hair, or change his clothes for a month.  The kind of stink that lingers in the air 24 hours after the source has left the building—the type of foul odor that actually clings to another person and eats away at their clothing.  Now, imagine all that…and then beat that smelly kid with a sack full of crap, and you'll get pretty close to her awfulness on screen.

Excuse me, Mr. Statham, Sir...we're going to need a bigger car to fit all that hat.

Seriously though, you could cut every one of her scenes and still have the same movie in the end, just less annoying, and not as long.  The only help her character provided Parker was the estate’s name, selling the jewels.  Now, are you going to tell me an estate is auctioning off 75 million buckaroos worth of jewels and the local paper isn't carrying that story?  Pfft.  Whatever.  So, cut all her scenes and now all we need to shoot is a 5 second scene of Statham looking in a paper finding this out.  Oh, wait a minute…there's already a scene with him looking in the paper, don't even need to do that.  How much money did I just save production?  Again, call me for script re-writes, I'm available.  What I'm trying to say is her character felt forced and really unnecessary, not to mention her horrific acting that was taking place.

"Oh Jason, tell me you'll rub that massive hat all over my greased-up naked body."

Someone call Nick Nolte's agent or neighbor or something, because I think he swallowed a gerbil right before filming, and nobody told him.  With more froth and bubbles than consonants, you’re going to need subtitles and then a special decoder-ring to understand what the hell he's saying.  There should at least be some kind of requirement when hiring an actor for a vocal role, like…I don't know, being able to speak, sounds important.  I swear, when he was talking, every once in a while you'd see a marble fall out.  It was as if the producers thought no one would actually watch the movie anyway.  So they'd just have him mumble nonsense and then yell cut and go have a cheesesteak with onions.  But, was he a necessity to the film?  Other than moving the plot along with a little dialogue (I'm using that word loosely) he wasn't a major cog in the story machine.

"One more unintelligible word out of your mouth, and I'll rip your head off 
and crap down your throat.  Understand?  And don't give me that look either!"  

Now if you put aside Jenny from the block, and disregard Mumbles, there actually might have been a decent action movie here.  Michael Chiklis is the only serious actor that showed up on set, among the other four heist partners, but that's okay, because they're just there for Statham to kick their teeth in.  Parker's girlfriend (Emma Booth) held her own in the scenes with Statham, and provided the "real" aspect of the "Parker" character.  You don't want the entire film to be about kicking people's teeth in, do you?  No, we need a little depth here and there…maybe…sometimes…oh, screw it, who are we kidding?
 
"If you idiots don't stop your yapping back there, I will turn this car around.  Do you hear me?"

The action sequences aren't martial art based—there are one or two spots where Statham pulls a smooth move—but the majority of action filth comes from gunning people down or breaking their noses.  I'm not saying that we don't want to watch a dude get four bullets in his chest or a gun clip jammed in his neck, but a little more Statham finesse would have been nice.

"Thought the movie would be decent, didn't ya?  Gotcha!"

CONCLUSION:
Parker had the potential to be at least a "B" list action film, including everything we junkies like in action filth.  Instead it feels more like a mess once the initial scene is passed.  Fortunately, I'm pretty sure Statham will be in another 100 or so movies from now until his career careens off a cliff, so I'm certain we'll get at least one more good movie in there somewhere...if we're lucky, maybe even two.

2 out of 5 stars (minus 2 stars for Lopez and a star for Mumbles)

Saturday, May 11, 2013

DVD Movie Review - Silver Linings Playbook


Silver Linings Playbook can be summed up by two words: tragically charming.  The film portrays the realness of mental illness, but tends to stay on the upbeat side of the coin, using humor and a love story to keep the plot moving.

I learned three things while watching this film:
1) Jennifer Lawrence isn't as bad an actress as once perceived.
2) Bradley Cooper had an Oscar ripped out of his hands.
3) I've missed Chris Tucker.

"Wait...are you telling me you hired the chick from the Hunger Games?  That movie was ridiculous,
and her acting...atrocious."

STORY:
Pat (Bradley Cooper) who suffers from bipolar disease, has been recently released from a health institution due to a legality his mother found.  Still in high hopes of gaining back his wife's love, Pat decides to find the silver lining in life by staying healthy and getting everything he lost—a wife, house, family, friends—back.  When he meets town nympho, Tiffany, crazy dialogue, hilarious dancing, and heartwarming moments ensue.

"Hahaha...this isn't what it seems.  I'm just out for a drive with two mental patients, is all."

THOUGHTS ON WHY PEOPLE DISLIKED IT:
There are a ton of people who disliked the way mental illness was portrayed in this film, thus disliking the film itself.  And though mental illness is a serious matter, most felt as though it wasn't handled with respect, as the movie has too many funny scenes, and ends on a positive note, instead of being more realistic. 
I understand your pain and how you felt as though the film was making fun of people with mental illness, but you have to understand one thing: if the film was a realistic documentary covering bipolar disease, and stayed true to life showing that there may not be a winning combination to its defeat, not nearly as many people would have watched it—me included.  And not because I don't care, but because when I watch a movie, I do so to take myself out of the reality of true life.  True life stinks.  It's depressing, mean, uncaring, and never gives a crap about whether you're having a bad day or not.  So why the hell do I want to watch a movie that'll make me more depressed than normal?  I'd rather watch a movie that Hollywood ended on a good note, so I don't have to throw myself off the closest bridge after it’s over.

Crap. I shouldn't of ate that fourth bean burrito, after downing a 24 pack of Miller.

MOVIE THOUGHTS:
I watched the Hunger Games and thought Jennifer Lawrence was the worst actor/actress I've ever seen, coming second only to Hutcherson.  An “A-Class” doorknob, if you will.  But it seems somewhere deep inside, living dormant was an acting skill worthy of an award, and it took a great director to find it.  Was her performance Oscar worthy?  Considering the competition at the Oscars, I'd lean toward yes.  Was it the best I've ever seen?  No, but it was leaps and bounds better than the block of wood she portrayed in the Hunger Games.

Bradley Cooper must have been lumped over the head, because his Oscar was ripped from of his hands, and there was no fighting involved.  I saw Lincoln, and aside from standing, sitting, standing, and then sitting again, Daniel Day-Lewis did absolutely nothing Oscar worthy, except portray a President everyone likes these days.  Cooper on the other hand, portrayed an unknown man that should be medicated, so you do the math. 

"Are you saying he stole your Oscar?  You want me to break his frigging kneecaps?"

Cooper's Pat was downright hilarious, tragic and lovable, all at the same time.  Being able to deliver lines that fast and react that well to other dialogue, was something of genius.  If you find humor in many things, than Pat’s mannerisms and dialogue will have you laughing out loud one minute and feeling terrible the next, displaying a perfect balance between funny and sad.  Some people could say that his acting was over the top, but that's what made it great.  Pat being totally unfiltered and uncaring led to unexpected scenes that made me almost choke on my popcorn.

Damn I miss Chris Tucker.  He was well cast in the film as Pat's friend from the institution.  Having choice scenes where he would pop in and out, broke up the humor, by having you laugh at someone other than Cooper for a change.  I'm glad to see him back, hopefully next time it'll be for a bigger role, where we can get the full effect of his high voice and great facial expressions.

"Man, don't bring up the time we stole those drugs, and then passed out naked on 
the lawn at the institution. My girl's right here. Damn"

SCENES: (minor spoilers—read at your own risk)
When the movie starts it had a serious tone and I wondered if that vibe would be carried throughout, that is...until Ernest Hemingway's book went flying out the window.  I knew right there I was in for an unforeseen treat.  It showed the film had the ability to balance humor and drama.  And then the scene that follows the broken window, with Pat waking his parents up at 4am to tell them how much he hated the novel, and then proceeding to apologize, not for himself, but for Hemingway—priceless.

"I've beaten and buried men in the desert for less..."

THE MUSIC:
Have you ever watched a movie and heard that one song that'll stand out forever because of one specific scene?  That's what "Girl from North Country" will now be for me.  I thought it was perfectly placed and just a stellar selection for the dance montage.  Not to mention the rest of the music is fantastic in the movie, including the song that humorously sets Pat off.  Well done.

"And the next American Idols are..."

MORE THOUGHTS:
Even though it has great dialogue and unexpected character actions, the film is adorned with the typical Hollywood style plot.  At about 1/3 into the movie, you can and will be able to predict the ending, and maybe even call the slight twist.  But if the movie didn't end the way you expected, you might have felt cheated and probably would've hated it.  So, for those who thought the plot was over the top—did you really want it to end on a sour note?  Why?  Can't a story (and by story, I mean a full-fledged fabricated accounting of events) be fun and uplifting, instead of real and frigging tragically depressing?

"It's okay, only about half the world saw the Hunger Games.  I'm sure most people 
already forgot about your terrible performance."

CONCLUSION:
Silver Linings Playbook blends humor, drama, love story, and mental health issues seamlessly.  The plot may feel over dramatized or outlandish at times, but the film will never cease to entertain.  This is the type of movie that when it comes on TV no matter which point you tune in, you'll watch it again and again.  If you're looking for a movie for date night, this is an excellent choice.  The romance/love story will keep the women involved, and the humor/football will keep the men entertained.  It's hands-down, one of the best movies I've seen so far this year and I'm sorry I missed it in theaters.

4 1/2 out of 5 stars (minus ½ a star for the slight predictable ending)

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Movie Review - Oblivion


Oblivion treads familiar themes, but the special effects and art direction are enough to give any avid sci-fi enthusiast a reason to enjoy.

Cruise is back in action and as always, is his best when saving the world is his prime objective.  All his patents are here: running, sliding, shooting, driving, and fake-flying—he even has time for some see-through sky-pool space-sex. (Not really space sex, but it flowed, so work with me here.)

"Yep." *spits* "Sky-pool space-sex...it's what I do.  Also, did I leave the stove on?" 

STORY:
Jack (Tom Cruise) spends his days with a lovely British helper (Andrea Riseborough) way up above the clouds in a sky house.  When he's not having sex, picking rejected flowers or reminiscing about the good old days, he's fixing spherical flying protector drones.  It's a living.  Jack though, has two problems: a nagging dream of a beautiful women and a strong love for the good-old-days.  When both problems collide, crazy space antics and rehashed sci-fi themes from every story, ever told, ensue.

THOUGHTS:
There's been some (actually overwhelming) bitching about this movie having plots and ideas from other works, mashed up and thrown in at the end.  Well, I can't lie—a bunch a writers came together, stuffed old plot lines in a hat, and since they couldn't choose just one, decided to put them all in here.  Is that a bad thing?  Not if you're looking for a fun, popcorn movie that's a breathtaking spectacle to watch.

Mr. Cruise offers up his own house in the clouds for this shot.  
Not too far from where his mind currently resides.

The special effects: the bubble ship, drones, landscapes and architecture are so well done, that at certain points I was just digesting their magnificence, and completely forgot there was a story happening.  Oops.  The machines are so well thought-out that a simple turn in mid-flight direction is something of genius.  These are the real stars of the film.  If you’re into technology, space, electronics, and killer machines, then you'll feel right at home. 

This proves my theory: mosquitoes will dominate the earth by 2077. 

The problem comes in the middle, when Morgan Freeman's character withholds knowledge, telling Jack to discover it on his own.  Basically the writers are simply prolonging the inevitable, which by this point, you can pretty much speculate and be balls-accurate.  The film's ending scene though (which is actually a prequel scene, explaining everything) is almost perfection in film making.  It ties the whole movie together and makes the entire story worth it.  I do wonder if that scene was shown first, would the movie have made a little more sense?  Allow me to ponder, while I inhale a bag of hot-fries.

ACTING:
Cruise is superb.  These types of roles—where his ego is almost satisfied by having his face featured 90% of the time—he can perform without even waking up.  Action, drama, suspense, and naked swimming pool whoopee—he nails it.  Nothing more and nothing less.

"Weeeeee...I do my own stunts! Weeeeeee!"  Mr. Cruise, we've had this shot for days, it's time you 
let Mr. Freeman get some screen time.

Andrea Riseborough (Welcome to the punch) as Victoria is a perfect balance of sexy and by-the-book.  She helps balance out Jack's fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants and screw the system attitude.  For being the lowest name on the acting ladder, she sure did hold her own next to Cruise, which can't be said for another female actress.  Who am I taking about?

"Please...tell me you didn't hire Olga for the part of your wife."

Olga Kurylenko.  Olga, Olga, Olga…I've loved you ever since your full frontal and rear nudity in Hitman.  Why can't you just go back to portraying a work of art?  Other reviews complained about her attempting to mimic a finely carved block of wood, and I just want to clarify that she is an excellent—oh forget it…they're right.  But listen, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that she wasn't hired for her acting ability.  I know it's crazy and all, but someone had to say it.  So there it is: she's just an ornament.  A beautifully crafted ornament, but an ornament nonetheless.  It's okay though, because she doesn't have too many lines or world saving action sequences.  So just focus somewhere else while she's attempting to cry, like on the shiny flying plane, or on the gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe.

Kurylenko displays confusion, because the director has asked her to keep all her clothes...on.

Morgan Freeman on the other hand, got the shaft.  Not much more to say than that.  He was underused, under-appreciated, and probably only had about a solid 15 minutes of screen time…maybe.  Well, it is a Cruise film, so what the hell did you expect?

"But I want to push a little boy out of a window!" *Stomps feet and pouts*

ACTION...OR NOT:
If you're thinking there's a bunch of shoot-out scenes, where Cruise is shielded behind a wood crate from flying bullets, and wild monkeys are running a mock—you'd be dead wrong.  The trailer makes you think there might be a lot of that going on, but there's just one scene.  And you've seen it.  Most of the action comes in form of running, flying, and sliding.
 
"Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap...SPIDER!  There's a huge spider on me!"

THE MUSICAL SCORE:
For the first time I noticed the music.  Is it because the film really wasn't doing much in some spots?  *Shrugs* Good question.  But what I do know is the music did make mundane scenes cross the threshold into masterpieces.  The movie also squeezes in songs by both Led Zeppelin and Procol Harum by having Jack play them on an ancient record-player (that's a device that goes round and round, magically producing music, for you youngsters out there).  To me, almost all songs thrown in movies today are either something you’d hear on a Pop or Rap station, so well done.

Most people are looking at this and saying: "Who?"

>>>SPOILERS & PLOT BLUNDERS: (read at your own risk, you've been warned)
Throughout the film, there were times when I turned to my better half and asked stupid questions regarding the current scene.  For instance: the first hole Jack climbs in, leading to the library; his rope is cut right before the action, but when it's all over, they just show him climbing out—you want to tell me how?  His frigging bike is gone, and I didn't remember seeing any other rope or special Batman weapons stashed in a fanny pack on his person.  Guess it's just easier to assume the audience is not paying attention.

Then the whole clone thing happened.  If there's one giant plot-hole in the movie, it is this: If the machine in the sky has (what looks to be thousands?) of Jacks ready to go, why even make drones and repair Jacks.  Wouldn't it be easier to just send thousands more battle-ready Jacks to take out the rest of the human race?  Why even put up the fake front?  The machine is just trying to suck our resources, and doesn't need any more humans running around.  So why even have repair Jacks?  It seems as though the most powerful pyramid in space is a little stupid when it comes to common sense.  But it's better to not let that one linger inside your noggin.  Just go home and remember all the pretty space ships and drones instead.
>>>END OF SPOILERS

"Easy boy.  I'll throw the ball again, just try not to aim your lasers at my genitals this time."

CONCLUSION:
Trampling old ideas tends to suck, but no matter how many stories have the same idea it's the unique writer voice that allows every story to be fresh and inviting.  This of course was not the case with Oblivion, since the writing seemed used, but we did get a pretty cool bubble ship and Olga's (Tom Cruise's for the female version of the review) lovely face, right?  Oblivion won't sit on the shelves with masterpieces, but it will hold a permanent spot in great sci-fi.  If you're a fan of the genre and love futuristic machines, homes, and products, then definitely put this on your "to-watch" list.

3 out of 5 stars (minus a star for Olga’s performance and another for the rehashed ideas)

Off-Topic: for those of us that love just as much art with their words, today is Free Comic Book Day (USA)…so get ’em while their hot!