Book Review - Apathy and Other Small Victories

To harness a reader’s curiosity and attention, all it takes is one eccentric sentence.

If you’re like most readers today, you'll scour book stores in search of the perfect literary entertainment.  You’ll glance through four and five star reviews, and probably even read book summaries.  But the most important part in your quest to acquire an entertaining story is to read the first couple of pages, sometimes just the first paragraph.  And then once in a while you'll come across a book that contains a beginning sentence so unconventionally goofy, that it makes you wonder what possibly could come next. 

Apathy and Other Small Victories by Paul Neilan contains such a sentence.  When you open up the book to the first page and read, "I was stealing saltshakers again," how could anyone with even the slightest sense of humor, not go on?  In those five measly words, the author right away tells you that this is not your typical story.  This is a story that comes direct from left field, and if you're looking for a literary masterpiece…you might want to put this book down immediately.

Self explanatory.

STORY:
Shane is apathetic (hence the title).  He would like nothing more than to stay in bed, roll around in salt, and get drunk in the grimiest of bars. When he's woken up by two detectives looking to question him about a murder, his life is turned upside down.  He spends the rest of the novel looking back on where he might have gone wrong.  But when everything you do is a mess, how can you pinpoint just one thing?  Off-the-wall drinking, sleeping, working, and sex ensue.

THOUGHTS:

If you see humor in what other people call the normalcy of life, then this book will be right up your alley.  Between Shane having limp tuna sex with someone's wife, an upstairs neighbor named Mobo (that may or may not be intimate with his guinea pig), a dentist that gets his head stuck in bus doors, a deaf girl that sings very bad karaoke, terrible sleep habits in the work bathroom, and an independent woman who beats Shane half to death during sex—where can you possible go wrong?  The only other story in the humor medium that comes close to this book is Office Space.  Both share the same revulsion toward work and both see the world through a dark sarcastic microscope.

The perfect companion to this novel.

The murder that shows up in the beginning of the novel will seem like the glue that's needed to carry this book, but in fact, after about ten pages of Shane's back-story, and just his wacky take on life, the murder and its investigation will become unnecessary.  Sure, every few chapters the story comes back to the present to explain just what’s happening with the investigation, but the real meat of the book is Shane's ridiculous life. Crap just seems to fall in his lap, even when he tries his hardest to sleep through it.

"Where the hell is Thompson? He's been absent from his desk almost six hours now."

By the time you devour about half of this novel, you'll come to realize that there are other people out there that think exactly the same frigged-up way you do.  And it'll put a smile on your face. Every page and almost every paragraph has comedic value that either makes you crack up or want to share with others.  You’ll experience rough sex, illegal sales of secret suitcase products, a deaf birthday party, the first ride on a broken-down bike, and how to walk after hours of sleeping in the work bathroom.  If none of that sounds appealing, then my friend, you’ve been doing life all wrong.

By the time the story ends, you'll have laughed, probably not cried, laughed again, and even re-read some parts out loud to make others laugh.  But don’t worry.  You’ll be completely satisfied as the entire book wraps up nicely by the last page.

"So that's one fish fillet sandwich with extra mayo, do you want fries with that?"

WHO THIS BOOK ISN'T FOR:
If you wake up in a forest every morning and spend the rest of the day consoling trees, then this probably shouldn't be on your to-read list.  If you decided to save the environment by wiping with just your fingers to eliminate paper waste, then most of the words in this book will definitely offend you.  If staring at a monitor in a cube-farm until your eyes bleed, sounds like fun, then put this book down immediately.  If you've watched Office Space and kept repeating after it ending, "I don't get it," then spend your time doing something else, like reorganizing your protest posters.

THEN WHO IS THIS BOOK ACTUALLY FOR:
People who find humor in any and all things.  If you wake up every day and look forward to breaking your wife's or husband's balls, then this is the perfect book for you.  If you walk into work and picture the front door shaped like Dante's gates to Hell—definitely your kind of read.  If you're the type of person that just wants to be left alone to masturbate to the new issue of Kitchen Wares, this might be your book…and you might want to seek professional help.

"I’d say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work."

CONCLUSION:
Apathy and Other Small Victories is the perfect addition to your humor library, and should not be missed.  The shame comes in the fact that the author, for whatever reason, has not produced any novels since, and this may be the only chance we get to frolic inside the mind of Neilan.  So if the above silliness sounds like your cup of tea, head out and pick this up.  If you’re looking for a light, fun read for the extended holiday weekend, this could be the perfect book.  Just remember to share some paragraphs with friends, it may be the only way to laugh at life's absurdities.

4 out of 5 stars (minus 1 star for the author not writing a second novel)

Out on video this week: Now You See Me (Click for our review)

Movie Review - Kick Ass 2

Kick Ass 2 is as childish and wrong, as a forty year old man dressed in a diaper, rolling around in the ball-pit at McDonald's.  But…it's also bloody, campy, ridiculous, somewhat funny, and absolutely nowhere near as good as the original.  One would think with added villains like a female Russian bodybuilder who resembles a tree trunk in motion, the movie would top its predecessor, but sadly it stumbles too far out of the gate to gain back any momentum in the end.

The original idea of Kick Ass was enough to make the new franchise money, but then it incorporated something many films, books, and stories, frown upon: a foul mouth tween bludgeoning people to death.  Yes, the Kick Ass franchise can thank Chloe Moretz (Hit Girl) for all the money it has made to date.

"I said, my dog ate the homework. You calling me a liar?"

STORY:

Kick Ass (Aaron Johnson) is back with his pubescent whiny voice, silly glasses, and terrible hair.  But this time around he actually wants to learn how to fight, so he enlists the help from the only person he knows: Hit Girl (Chloe Moretz).  She agrees to train Kick Ass, but secretly, all she really wants, is to be a high school princess.  Also adding to the fun, the Red Mist (Chris Plasse) decides his life is way too boring—apparently living in a gigantic mansion and having so much money he can wipe his ass with hundreds isn't good enough—and decides to put together a villainous team to hunt down Kick Ass and exact revenge.  Random boring conversations, crappy Jim Carrey make-up, and an uninspiring plot ensue.

"What is it?"

"Probably a rushed script, with no idea how to evolve the characters from the first movie."

THOUGHTS:

You probably saw all the bad reviews and thought: "Those people just hate these types of movies and I'll still go and see it, because it's probably not as bad as they say."  Well, save your cash.  The beginning subplots are so slow and unoriginal, that when the action finally does pick up, the film is too far gone to gain any credibility.  In fact, the whole first half of the movie is just a rehashing of old ideas from better teen movies.  It isn't until a somewhat major character is removed from the story that the film actually becomes ruthless and entertaining like the original.

Johnson's whole "I want to save people" attitude from the first film is replaced by a whiny tulip, who seems to be scared of his own shadow.  He ends up spending most of his time wandering around trying to make friends, while also attempting to convince Hit Girl not to be a princess and stay in the superhero occupation.  Johnson could have really played up the drama and emotion from unfolding events, but instead, he ends up just collecting a paycheck.

"Fine. You win. I'll cut my hair...but that doesn't mean I have to like it."

Chloe Moretz, yet again, remains the draw of the film, as her acting and dialogue is some of the best the movie has to offer.  She was so fantastic in the first film, that they should have called it Hit Girl instead of Kick Ass.  But there's a little problem with her in this film: the writer took away everything that makes her awesome for the first hour or so.  She just spends her time trying to survive paper-thin stereotypical bitch-girls in high school.  You've already seen this subplot written better, dozens of times before and nothing quite fresh happens until its climax.  Once the plot allows her to cut loose the I-don't-want-to-hurt-anybody attitude, Hit Girl finally becomes Hit Girl.  But sitting through the opening slop scenes is enough to make you punch babies.  And everyone knows you don't punch babies unless provoked.

"Argh! Not for nothing, but I've seen better acting from this suit."

The assembling Avengers this film is not.  The team uniting in the beginning is so clownish you'll feel embarrassed for the actors.  The costumes are terrible.  The general acting is bad and when they're just sitting around talking about their problems, you'll be wondering what's on TV later.  Night Bitch saves some of the cringes due to better acting and a better backstory than most, but still doesn't bring the whole team idea out of the gutter.  What was shown in the first hour could have been a montage lasting only a few minutes.  Then the action and the deaths could have had more weight and seriousness to carry the floundering plot.  A major character even loses a family member and you won't care, because two seconds later you're swept away in a gun fight, leaving the impact that should have been there, in the rear view mirror.

Quick! Someone just shoot it.

Then there's the MF'er.  The Red Mist trades in his crime fighting costume to become the world's first super villain.  But here’s the problem: the character doesn't know whether he's supposed to be funny, scary, or grotesque.  And it shows throughout every scene.  The costume is terrible, the name is there just for shock value (even the other characters in the film laugh every time they hear it) and Chris Plasse's acting is below par.  Too bad, because he's McLovin' and that sounds like a sexy hamburger.

"You call me McLovin' one more time..."

WHO'LL LIKE IT & WHO'LL HATE IT:

If you’re looking for over-the-top campiness, bad acting, and a terrible Jim Carrey, then this is perfect for you.  The violent silliness might even help you score it as "Eh, I guess I liked it."    If you find bondage costumes or skin tight spandex hilarious, or watching a telephone-pole sized Russian kill everyone, then get yourself a ticket.  If originality is your thing, and you're looking for a little more actual story, then you might want to avoid this like the vibrating row in an adult theater.

Nothing heals a crappy plot, like a dance number.

CONCLUSION:

You'd never think it was possible, but this film needed more Nic Cage.  And that's saying something.  What was once energetic, fresh, action-packed, and brutal, has been pulverized into a childish mess.  It's a shame really, because the world of Kick Ass has so much potential to deviate from movie and comic book clichés.  But whatever the first film brought to the genre, the second film killed instantly.

2 out of 5 stars (minus a star for bad acting, slow beginning, and no Nic Cage)

Octodad: How a small developer made a big splash at E3

When gazing upon the racks at a video game store, most titles adorning the walls are made by giant studios that throw money at game production like a billionaire trying to fix a dead girl in his bed.  Some of those studios are responsible for recycling the same garbage year in and year out, justifying the marketing by adding a little extra something the next time around: not only will you be able to gun people down, but running alongside your avatar is your very own unicorn that spears enemies and craps rainbows.  This marketing works so well, that some companies in the business have even declared that they’ll not be creating any more new IP’s.

But there is hope.

Beyond the mountains of cash and thousands of workers lay a magical realm filled with more creativity than currency.  It’s a place where developers eat week-old pizza and sell their bodies just to add one more puzzle to a level.  An enchanted locale where ideas are scribbled onto soiled napkins by candlelight, because every last cent went into making a new sprite, instead of paying the electric bill.  The place I’m talking about my friends is the universe known only as Indie Games.

Young Horses, Inc. is one such Indie Team.

They created a game with such originality it landed them on stage at a worldwide event.  Among seven other game developers, Octodad: Dadliest Catch made a huge first impression in front of many gamers by showcasing fresh, wacky ideas.  But how did they do it?  How in the world does a small—not to mention, wet-behind-the-ears—developer climb the ranks of obscurity and end up in Sony’s Exclusive Indie Game Showcase at E3 2013.  The only way to truly find out about their adventure was to capture one of the team members and interrogate—er, interview them.  So I set my sights on Philip Tibitoski, Young Horses’ CEO and Community manager.  Using stale cheese balls, warm starburst, and pizza combos as incentives, he spilled every detail about the team's E3 experience.

"I don't know what the hell this thing is, but if it starts wriggling...screw the family--I'm gone."

As Phil took in his new iron-barred surrounding, he revealed that the Sony Press Conference or any console port in general was not always part of Young Horses' original plan.  “I think most of us," Phil stated, "have always wanted to make a game that would end up on a console just from being gamers most of our young lives," but then added, "the PS4 was a very happy surprise.”  An unbelievably fast, happy surprise.  When Young Horses received the Sony devkit, they cranked out a PS4 version in only four weeks.  Four.  Most of the world would probably stop all other facets of a game and have a whole team working on a PS4 port, but in fact, it was just one lone man.  “The port was easier than we expected it to be.  I can't say much in the way of technical details, but Kevin Geisler (producer/programmer) ported the game to PS4 on a part-time basis while working his other full-time job in a single month.”  Phil ended with, “I think it went well.”  You think?  That sounds like the understatement of the year.

When asked how Sony told Young Horses they’d be part of the E3 conference, Phil popped a pizza combo and mumbled, “Sony really likes to go all out with their offers.  We were shipped a live octopus with a note taped to its wiggly head that said ‘E3 <3. Yes or No?’ with checkboxes.”  Now you might call bull-crap on that one, but would a starving developer offered junk food, lie?

Like any independent team, Young Horses instantly crapped their pants when they found out they’d be part of Sony's conference.  Phil stated, “We were super anxious up until and through the day of the press conference.”  But with eight people, how does a team decide who gets the glory of marching out on stage like a rock-star?  Do they draw straws or have a battle royale and the last developer standing gets the glory?  Nah, the team decided “…to have Kevin up there since he did a majority, if not all of the porting work,” Phil said, while the remaining seven continued their “plans for global octopi based domination.”

"I said periwinkle colored napkins! Not purple. Damn you, Poseidon."

During the worldwide event, Young Horses and seven other developers stood at the exclusive forefront of Indie games for the PS4.  Among those other developers were huge names of the industry like Lorne Lanning of the Oddworld saga.  Any normal developer would have a fear of irrelevance swirling around in their stomach like a dozen bean burritos fighting a pound of ice cream.  Phil stopped gnawing at the bars of his cage and revealed, “I can't speak for everyone else, but for me this feeling is ever present.  I'm always kind of in awe that our little octopus game is standing amongst giants like Lanning's Oddworld or something like Cerny's Knack.  It’s starting to slowly dawn on us though, that this is a big deal and something not many developers get to experience this early in their career.”

Showcasing a game in front of thousands is daunting enough, but let’s not forget the millions of thoughts that would be pounding inside a person's head.  Like will the game work when I turn it on?  Did I take out the porno that was in the devkit moments before?  Should I have brought two pairs of underwear to the conference?  And Phil happened to be no different.  “I was in a constant state of fear of it crashing or something while it was being streamed to hundreds of thousands of people.  Even though we tested the hell out of it beforehand and knew it was stable.”  So playing a game on stage might be stress inducing, but hanging backstage must be heaven, right?  A magical realm filled with lollipops, rainbows and power-ups?  “It's really just a lot of wires, grumpy stage-folk and green rooms that aren't all that green.”  Way to be a downer, Phil.  “I did however spot Jack Tretton (President/CEO of SCEA) in the wild.”  Pfft.  I’m still holding on to a vision of beautiful ladies dressed in cosplay, swinging around poles and throwing bacon covered hot dogs at passersby.

The casting for ET didn't go so well, as Octodad spent the majority of the time trying

to hold the beer cans, instead of drink them.

So pants were crapped, audiences cheered, Octodad was unleashed, and absolutely no fun was had backstage.  It became a moment of crowning achievement for Young Horses, and the small development team stayed in high spirits as they packed up and headed back to their studio.  But the real work now lay ahead.  The game gained new fans, a new platform, and that meant new obligations.  So was there a change in the work atmosphere?  “It definitely caused a bit more stress," Phil responded, "but at the same time it's given us a lot of motivation to finish this sucker.  We've been working on the game for about 2.5 years now and we need to get it out the door.  E3 was a nice kick in the ass."  But Phil also expressed optimism.  "We were excited to get the game done before, but now we've got a whole lot of people waiting on us.  It's exciting!”

Whoa, whoa, whoa pal.  Calm down.  You still haven’t told the world of your team’s secret.  Just how exactly does a small studio reach the height of Sony’s E3 conference?  Is it hard work, talent, determination…luck?  “Well I don't believe in luck," Phil said.  "Everything is a matter of hard work and grabbing hold of the right opportunities at the right times.  We're incredibly aware of what our fans think of the game and while we may not react to everything, you can be sure we're out there creepily observing.  This helps us from missing any chance to help others, or to get help that we might need ourselves.  Being flexible is important and our small team lets us do that.”

"Blah. Blah. Blah. The wedding needs to be perfect, and blah, blah, blah. I'll show you perfect..." 

The biggest problem for Young Horses or any Indie developer always revolves around money.  Not having the right amount of dough can make or break a dream.  Having showcased at E3 under your belt, an indie developer might be able to open doors to more opportunity or possibly gain a big publisher, but Young Horses decided early on they would self-fund Octodad: Dadliest Catch no matter what.  “From time to time," Phil said, "we think about what it might be like to get funding from the outside, but as it is we're already a team of eight plus people.  If we split the revenue of the game much further, it could lower our chances of being able to dedicate ourselves full-time to our next project.  Right now it would have to be a truly amazing deal for us to even consider being published by another company.”  Phil does believe though, that debuting at E3 did become success altering for Octodad and for Young Horses.  He continued, “I think we would've done alright without it, but E3 opened up the game to a world of players that may have never known about it otherwise.”

Young Horses will release Octodad: Dadliest Catch in January on PC with the exclusive PS4 version arriving shortly thereafter.  The studio is sprinting to the finish line with five of the team working full-time now, leaving only three members to work day jobs and pound away at the game on their off-hours.  (Talk about brutal work habits.)  Currently, the workload consists of “…finishing up some of the last levels, recording VO, creating cut-scenes, and testing," Phil said.  "Most if not all of the major features are in and working.”  But in Young Horses' eyes, what would be the perfect outcome after release?  “It would be great if the game blew up and became super popular," Phil shared, "but at the same time all we really want is enough money to create the next great thing.  We have a ton of ideas that no one even knows about.”  Having tons of ideas could scream 'big publisher' next time around, but the team doesn’t see themselves working on any AAA titles.  In fact, they’d rather be “...cranking out more of our own stuff," said Phil, "and continuing to try and make the independent community a better/happier place for everyone.”

"First I will conquer this female. Then I will rule the...maybe I should learn how to drive. Right.

I will conquer this beast of a woman, then learn how to drive, then conquer the world."

Out of junk food and questions, Phil’s cage was opened and he was sent back into the Indie wild.  Before reaching the door to freedom, he turned around and stated that if any indie developers should want to make a splash at the next E3, all you have to do is work hard.  He continued, “Within reason, you should be taking hold of every opportunity that comes your way no matter how small.  You never know where it might take you.”

P&P would like to thank Young Horses and especially Phil Tibitoski for taking the time to answer preposterous questions.  

For more information about Young Horses or Octodad: Dadliest Catch, please see the links provided below:

Octodad: Dadliest Catch

Young Horses, Inc.

DVD Movie Review - Olympus has Fallen

Not even patriotic marching drums, Two-face, or a Spartan can save a film that's been grind through years of action clichés and unoriginal ideas.  The story feels as though, the writers used the action-film Mad-Libs, and just filled in the blank spaces with nouns, names, and verbs.

When watching an action film—even if it's just popcorn fun—there's always one movie any true action-junkie will use to compare.  The godfather of action filth, if you will.  What movie am I talking about?  Only the 1988 classic Die Hard.  This king of action films has yet to be trumped in its respectable genre.  And after viewing Olympus has Fallen it's safe to say the film steals most of its ideas, themes, and scenes straight from Die Hard.  Well then, are they fresh?  Nope.  Aside from the locale and different character names, Olympus has Fallen is just Die Hard put through the garbage disposal.  All you’re left with are bits and pieces of something that was great.

"Come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs..."

STORY:

During a blinding snow storm, Mike Banning (Gerard Butler), part of the secret service detail, makes a crappy, yet necessary decision that ends up costing his job.  Eighteen months later we catch up with Mikey working at the Treasury, alienating himself from his wife, sulking over his job, and squeezing a stress ball.  Soon after, those silly North Koreans somehow gather around fifty of their closest friends and set out to conquer the White House.  With backpacks, ski-masks, trash trucks, and one computer hacker, they set up a defense base in the President's lap.  Only one man can stop such forceful opposition, and that man is Mike Banning (the same man who once told the Speaker of the House to go "F" himself).  Silly gun fights, a ridiculous premise, and Die Hard 2.0 ensue.

"Does anyone else smell that?"

"If you're talking about the horrendous acting--then yep, we smell it."

THOUGHTS:

Aside from the action, which is on par with today’s standards, you better love Mr. Butler, because he’s the entire show.  Gerard's career soared to amazing heights when 300 released worldwide in 2006.  The only problem is it ended when that same movie left the theaters, and Hollywood just forgot to tell him.  Casting Butler in this role would be like casting him as the Phantom, in Phantom of the Opera.  Oops.  That already happened, didn't it?  His most notable role since 300 was in How to Train your Dragon.  And that's because he wasn't in it, just his voice graced the screen.  Not that having a different lead in Olympus has Fallen would have made it any better, but it sure might have made it more entertaining.

The song was going fine, until Gerard turned to the female lead and kicked her down a well. 

Gerard's entire performance seemed unemotional throughout the movie, and adding wincing dialogue, just escalated the slop.  On top of that you have Two Face as the president.  Don't get me wrong—Aaron Eckhart is a decent actor, but the president, he is not.  He does his best with what's thrown his way, but barely comes off as the leader of the free world.  Actually, there were only a few actors that fit their roles: Morgan Freeman plays the Speaker of the House as only Mr. Freeman can.  Ashley Judd works perfectly as the First Lady, and Dylan McDermott charms his way into any role.  Other than that, most of the acting and scenes were as stale as a loaf of bread that's been left out on the counter for a few dozen years.

"Listen: I know Die Hard was better, but we have to get through this. 

You want a paycheck, don't you?" 

But the highlight—the real ace in the hole, the crème de la crème of acting in this movie goes to Melissa Leo who plays Secretary of Defense Ruth McMillan.  You could say her flailing like a rotten tuna during the beating she receives was extravagant, but that wasn't the best she had to offer.  No, she did one better.  While being dragged through the halls of the White House by her hair, she kicks and screams and then recites the Pledge of Allegiance.  This, my humorous friends has got to be the most embarrassing scene ever heard or witnessed.  You'll hope she's shot soon thereafter, just to stop the insanity.  Congratulations, Melissa, you've done it.  You've acted out a scene that will forever taint the dignified Pledge of Allegiance.

"Boy, that sure does look like a giant plane gunning down civilians." 

THE DIE HARD CONNECTION:

Remember how John McClane is the only man on the inside, giving the police constant updates on the terrorists, but the police don't know whether to trust him?  Butler's Banning does the same, except it’s just not as good as the dialogue between Willis and VelJohnson.  How about the first meeting of McClane and Gruber, where Gruber pretends to be a hostage?  Here too.  A cigarette even shows up just like in Die Hard.  But what about an unstable marriage?  Yep, cut and pasted.  There's also that scene where McClane happens to pull a piece of glass out of his foot while chatting to Sergeant Powell.  Now, you're probably thinking: "Man, they didn't recreate that scene too, did they?"  Yes they did.  There's a scene where Butler pulls shrapnel out of his side while answering the “are you alright” question.  All these events might have really been emotional, if you haven't already seen them, 25 years ago.  The only mistake Olympus has Fallen makes is not having Butler curse out loud while he's beating the bad guy.  That scene where McClane is kicking the crap out of Karl, and happens to tell him he's going to kill him, cook him, and then eat him is frigging priceless.  You'll slowly realize Olympus has Fallen needed more McClane and less Banning.

Butler found it hard to act, while his fellow thespians kept break-dancing.

CONCLUSION:

If you're looking for anything with action this week, then I guess Olympus has Fallen can be your go-to movie.  If perhaps, you're tired of regurgitated clichés and rehashed ideas, then maybe you should spend your time more wisely, like re-alphabetizing your stamp collection.  One thing is for sure: Olympus has Fallen definitely makes you realize you should have been watching Die Hard all along, because a classic like that never gets old.

2 out of 5 stars (there’s not enough room here to list all the problems)

NEXT WEEK ON P&P:

Our very own Hank sits down with Philip Tibitoski, the CEO/Community Manager of Young Horses to discuss how Octodad: Dadliest Catch made a huge impact at this year's E3.  They'll converse about hard work, the secrets that lay backstage, and what made the development team crap their pants.

DVD Movie Review - Mud

Most people will see Matthew McConaughey in this film and wonder where the hell this new actor came from.  Clearly this can't be the same McConaughey from all those terrible chick-flicks?  This must be a clone that was bred in a lab using Matthew's looks, but mixing DNA from super-actors grown and harvested in fields by giant machines with anal-probing tentacles...right?  Right?  Wrong.  Since the Lincoln Lawyer a new McConaughey has emerged, burying the old McConaughey under a mountain of un-bought, paperweight, slop DVD's starring himself, and some ditsy broad.  One can only hope this new McConaughey will remain.

STORY:

Ellis (Tye Sheridan) just wants to live on a river, sell fish out the back of a pickup, punch seniors out cold, help murderers, and chase cute girls.  His friend Neckbone (Jacob Lofland) just about wants the same thing, except add a little rebuilding of engines and talking about boobies.  Their lives seem pretty straight-forward and regular, until they discover a boat stuck up in a tree.  Now, anybody who's anybody knows that tree-boats are the new fad, and the higher and more ivy-infested the better.  So when the boys happen upon this livable unicorn, they know instantly they need to make it their own.  Only one problem: the elite habitat already has a resident, and he goes by the name Mud (Matthew McConaughey).  You might wonder how one takes ownership of such a beautiful tree vessel.  Well…by adorning it with a quarter loaf of bread and some porn magazines, of course.  This puts Ellis and Neckbone in quite a pickle.  And after some debating, they decide to help Mud in exchange for his glorious tree-boat.  Southern love, confused hearts and a beautiful story ensue.

"How do you suppose it got up there?"

"Isn't it obvious? Someone put it there."

THOUGHTS:

You might look at all the reviews out there or the very high score on RT and wonder if this movie is any good.  Well, we're here to tell you to shake the crap out of your head and stop frigging debating.  It's true, Soylent Green is people—er...I mean Mud is hands down, one of the best dramas this year.  The film has it all: a perfect cast, great dialogue, beautiful cinematography, wonderful music...and you have to dig pretty darn deep to find reasons to dislike the story.  But when you're going down that far, are those reasons even worth mentioning?

"One day, Ellis, you'll grow up to be just like me."

"Broke and running from the law?"

So who is this Mud?  Matthew McConaughey could not have played this character any better.  He embodies everything required to pull off a dingy, but charming individual.  He keeps the character's friendship close to the boys, but far enough away that you'd still keep an eye on him if you were alone.  McConaughey reminds you of the type of friend who always wants to hang out, but never has the money to do anything.  The same person who never stops calling, so eventually they wear you down and you'll pick up the phone.  But…but, he'll forever be your friend, because when the real serious crap actual does hit the fan, he'll be the first one there to help you out.  Mud: slightly neurotic, always reliable.

Even though the movie may hold the title character's name, Ellis and Neckbone happen to be the real stars of the film.  Without them perfectly cast, you'd have nothing more than McConaughey, dank and dirty, with his shirt off trying to impress Reese Witherspoon.  (Though that may sound like fun to some people—thank you ladies—that would really just be another nail in the coffin to the movie industry and McConaughey's career)  The boys and their antics throughout the film give off a slight Stand By Me feel, but generally bring their own southern appeal to both roles.

 

Mr. McConaughey, sir, we know Tye showed up today with the exact same lunch box, 

but we still have a movie to finish. What do you say? Are you going to be a big-boy and help?

Jeff Nichols, both writer and director, said in past interviews that he wrote some of these characters with certain actors already in mind, and when he asked those actors—McConaughey included—they all said yes to the role.  Being able to pull that off not only helped casting, but also took everyone's acting ability up several notches.  Every actor/actress in this film—and I do mean every—perfectly steps into their character's shoes.  Even General Zod (Michael Shannon) makes an appearance in the film as Neckbone's guardian/uncle.  And after seeing him in this, you'll wonder what made him accept the role in Man of Steel.

 

"I can handle the drinking and the swearing, but running naked through a scene is down right wrong."

"But funny right?"

Now, even though Mud can be seen as a full throttle drama, tugging at all sorts of heart strings, it doesn't mean it's devoid of humor.  Most of the characters in the film happen to be festering in the garbage-point of their lives, just hoping to get through another day, so their point of view and dialogue can be somber at times.  But Neckbone (it's all in the name) is pulling the funny train all by himself, and is comfortable doing so.  Whether he's trying to appeal to Ellis's moral compass or just talking about breasts and hard-ons, his line delivery and timing is perfect, making you chuckle almost every moment he's talking.  He's the funny practical yin, to Ellis' contemplative yang.

"Listen to me. The leprechaun from the cereal box is real...and he wants to eat my brain."

WHY YOU MIGHT DISLIKE IT (SLIGHT SPOILERS):

Do you like your women nice, sophisticated and caring?  Do you like them to not spend most their time kicking men in the balls?  Well then you might have a slight problem with the women in this film.  Throughout the story several women come into the picture and can be seen as a mere device or tool, just there to maintain the theme: sometimes love sucks and sometimes women suck, but most of the time love sucks because women suck.  Is this a huge turn-off or mistake?  Nope.  The writer chose to write the female characters this way because writing them any other way wouldn't have worked for a complete Ellis story arc.  There's also the business of people viewing the movie as a little slow.  But this is resolved by having the narrative told through the boy's eyes, making the story refreshing, relatable and at times, fun.

"No, no, no...these are called words. Put a few together and you get a sentence."

CONCLUSION:

Mud tackles a wide range of issues perfectly: friendship, family, morality, divorce, death, and love.  With fantastic casting, well-rounded characters, perfect dialogue, an intriguing plot, and a kid named Neckbone, how the heck could you possibly go wrong?  Well, you can't.  Mud is definitely not a movie that should be passed up.

5 out of 5 stars (told you it was good)