DVD Movie Review - Don Jon

What better way to start off the New Year than with a bang, or in this movie's case: several bangs, peppered with stops to the good old-fashioned porn machine.

STORY:

Jon (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) just so happens to be your typical Italian guy with only a few loves in his life: his body, pad, ride, family, church, boys, girls, and of course…his porn.  Spending most of his time in clubs searching for the perfect "dime" or ten—scaling women from one to ten—he's never found misses right, until Barbara (Scarlett Johansson) walks into his life.  Jon instantly falls in love, but there's just one smidgen of a problem.  Jon loves his porn too—no, like really loves his porn.  He can't go a few hours without it and Barbara hates guys that look at porn.  So Jon promises her, he'll never surf the web for porn again.  But will his addiction get the better of him, or will Barbara change Jon for good?  Nightclubs, women as sex symbols, money shots, heavy makeup, cursing, church, and porn ensue.

Work out intensity can be doubled.  As shown here, facial muscles can also be fully 

strained during weight training.

THOUGHTS ON DON JON'S PORN:

If the story above didn't clue you in, this is not a children's movie.  Even though Jon describes exactly what he likes to see and not see in porn, this doesn't mean you (the viewer) won't be watching a few choice scenes yourself.  But don't worry, beyond what can already be seen on some cable networks, there isn't enough to make the film rating "adult."  Most of the actual porn scenes are cut in certain ways to keep you guessing.  So if you're the type, watching this only for the porn aspect, you're better off just heading to the Internet for the real thing.

Gentlemen, unless you and your better half have already had conversations on favorite positions and what you do during your "alone time"—or why you keep so many tissues around the house—it's probably best not renting this for date night.  The upside is all the porn and awkward situations are viewed and talked about in humorous ways.  So if the subject of porn is laughable to you, then this movie will make you crack up…at least for the first hour or so.

"This is my house.  Just because you're wearing a wife-beater with a gold chain, doesn't 

mean you can fit into these pants.  Capisce?!"

BUT IS THERE A STORY?

For any piece of literature or film to be considered a story there has to characters, a plot, and conflict.  And even though this movie might be viewed as a comedy—just making fun of Italians and porn—it actually has a story.  But unfortunately, the fun is all had before the actually story kicks in.

When the movie begins, Jon will tell you how he sees his life and then transitions into why porn is so much better than actual sex.  No, it isn't because he can't get laid—please, he's Italian, so he's already good looking and a great lover—it's for several other reasons.  For instance, as Jon puts it, you can't die from watching porn.  That’s technically accurate, considering STD's only come from real sex.  But what if a pilot's flying at thirty thousand feet and decides he wants to watch some porn on his iPad, instead of paying attention to his direction or gauges?

Then Jon meets Barbara and all hell breaks loose in his life.  On top of not being able to watch porn, she also won't give him any bedroom time unless he does things for her.  So it's either, he ruins more of his pants (hilarious scene) or goes back to school, and lets her meet his family and friends.  And if you’re Jon with Scarlett Johansson rubbing against your crotch, you tend to forget your name and say okay to anything.

"And I'm gonna meet your family, friends, and we're gonna get married in six months."  *rub, rub, rub, kiss*

 "Now give me twenty bucks, so I can slap more makeup on my face."

SO HE'S ITALIAN?

Only the Italian populace will understand some of the subtle nods toward the culture.  Repeat: only the Italian populace.  But that doesn't make the first hour of the movie any less funny.  The Italian stereotype: necklace and cross appearing in almost every scene; multiple wife-beaters; slicked-back hair; an over-the-top accent; and ridiculous cursing while driving to church.  Now, church—mainly confession—plays a huge role as Jon takes multiple trips to absolve his sins.  And each time he visits the priest, it's like a weekly update on everything he's done wrong.

"You hear this horn?  You better start driving or I'll come over there 

and slap you so hard, your Mother will feel it."

ACTING:

The reason acting hasn't been mentioned yet is because Joseph Gordon-Levitt is at the top of his game—even if his accent sounds a little funny at first, you get used to it.  Johansson mimics Jersey girls with the perfect crappy attitude, while Julianne Moore, essentially, plays herself as a hippie.  The return of Tony Danza is great as Jon's father and Glenne Headly falls easily into the role of the loving, yet clingy Italian mother.  Brie Larson doesn't have much to do, until the end, when she says the most important thing in the film—filling the role of Silent Bob.

FLOW TROUBLE:

What essentially starts as a comedy, morphs into a drama/romance story, after a specific turn of events.  This is when the movie feels a little uneven.  After about the first hour, Jon's dialogue changes, and his problems lose their humorous flavor and become addictions.  Some say a character must grow or evolve for a story to be complete, but there's way too much change, completely over-hauling the main character and instantly making the movie feel different.  Does it hurt the story?  A little.  Should you not watch because of this?  No, the humor in the beginning alone is enough to have Don Jon grace your TV set.

"You know, for all the advancement in technology...I can't see one frigging star 

through this telescope."

CONCLUSION:

Don Jon is a man's movie, but also a flick that women with a sense of humor will love.  The ladies are utilized as sex symbols throughout, porn is shoved in your face for a laugh, and Italians have the stereotypical light shone upon them.  It's everything a teenager to thirty-something guy will appreciate.  And being Italian will only increase the hilarity.  If you find yourself watching porn regularly, going to the gym, and then ending the night at a club in hopes of bedding the other sex, then Don Jon will be right up your alley.  You may even have to own it.  Just remember the last thirty minutes morphs into a romance film.

3 1/2 out of 5 stars (minus a star and a half for an uneven ending)

SIDE NOTE:

Banshee Season 2 starts this Friday, January 10th on Cinemax.  So prepare for more arbitrary sex, outrageous fights, hilarious action, unbelievable twists, and crazy Sheriff Hood antics.  P&P's first season review.