DVD Movie Review - Automata

Automata asks a humongous theoretical question: Do androids dream of electric sheep?

STORY:

The entire Earth is a crap-hole desert, diminishing the population to 21 million survivors living in disgusting cities.  To lessen the burden of no future, a corporation named ROC builds a line of machines called the Automata Pilgrims: basic robots designed to build walls and help humans.  These clunky machines come with two protocols: they can't harm any form of life, and they can't alter themselves or other robots.  With these two simple protocols, what could possibly go wrong?  But then a Pilgrim is shot in the head by a cop claiming the robot was self-repairing, and an insurance agent for ROC named Jacq Vaucan (Antonio Banderas) is called in to investigate.  Can poor Jacq get to the bottom of this crazy robotic mystery?  Only a retread through cliché ideas will tell.  Suicide robots, crippled robots, dancing robots, cute robots, creepy robots, sex robots, and child hitmen ensue.

"I'm not sure you're grasping the scientific significance here.  Let me repeat myself: an Oreo is 

the greatest achievement known to man. Bar none."

THOUGHTS:

With Blade Runner as aesthetic inspiration and grand overtures flowing in the background, Automata asks very ambitious questions.  What does it mean to be alive?  Is there a creator to all life?  Is humanity's future doomed?  Do robots have souls?  Will machines one day rule the earth, because humans are way too stupid?  These are all thought-provoking questions, but the problem is they have all been brought up in funnier and in most cases, better movies already.  If the story above sounds familiar, it's probably because you've seen I, Robot.  Or maybe Short Circuit or Blade Runner or any of the robotic films that have come in the past.  So, the real question is does Automata add anything new to the formula?  Grim future?  Seen it.  Robots claiming to be alive?  Already done.  One guy contemplating the universe?  Been there.  Robot dancing?  Pfft…Short Circuit had that covered.  There is one slight twist to Automata's plot that hasn't really been implemented in past movies, but once you get about half way through the film, you'll have already guessed it.

 

"Nothing would make me happier than slipping under the sheets and checking your battery."

THE ACTING:

Antonio Banderas is exceptional.  His performance delivers the seriousness needed to create a good Sci-Fi movie (just wait until you see him eat chocolate).  His dialogue is superb and his emotional ride of rediscovering life through mechanical eyes gives the film a tad bit of heart.  But sadly, that's where the acting and character building ends.  The rest of cast is forgettable and the Automata Pilgrims—as clunky and generic as they are—end up being much more interesting then there human owners. 

Birgitte Hjort Sorensen plays Rachel, Jacq's upset pregnant wife, who's used only as a metaphor for new life.  Her relationship with Jacq attempts to add drama and concern to the storyline, but in the end falls short when compared to the grand robotic theme.  Melanie Griffith pops in as Dr. Dupre, the super smart robotic engineer that works in the ghetto.  Now if you're thinking, "Huh, when I think genius level robotic engineer, Melanie Griffith isn't the first name that comes to mind," you aren't alone.  But just wait until you see her action, only then will you truly realize how far off base her casting really is.  Luckily, if you sneeze you might miss her on screen, but her voice does screech out of Cleo the sex-bot for the rest of the movie.

This brings us to the talented Dylan McDermott.  He plays Wallace, a drugged out cop looking to kill some bots and stab people in the neck for no reason.  Whether the guidance from the director was off or Mr. McDermott just wanted a paycheck, one thing is for sure: his acting stinks.  How his lines are delivered, the way he moves, even his slick hair yells, "I don't want to be here."  As for everyone else, their acting is below par and the cookie-cutter bad guys could have been replaced by the California Raisins and it wouldn't have made a difference.

"They call this scent, Le Automata.  It's French for motor oil."

"She'll love it.  Wrap it up."

CREEPY ROBOTS:

Have you ever seen a homeless, crippled robot?  Well you will now.  It's not the cumbersome way they walk, or the rigid movements of their arms or necks.  It's their expressionless faces that make the automata extremely creepy.  None of the robots have lips or eyes that move and only a select few can carry a conversation, most of the time they just repeat a programmed line over and over again.  So if you're looking for heavy conversations like in I, Robot or Blade Runner, you've come to the wrong place.  The one bot in the flick that does make an impression doesn't do so because of his thought-provoking dialogue, no…he's memorable because of his Spanish accent.  Can you think of the last time you heard a robot with a Spanish accent?  He probably picked it up vacationing all those years in Barcelona, so it does make sense.

"So what do you think, HK-47?"

"I think after I get the motor running, Meatbag, I'll dip my unit in its socket."

CONCLUSION:

Automata is a low budget Sci-Fi film that treads over cliché questions.  If you haven't seen any previous movies that feature robots that believe they are alive, then this will be a fresh, creative experience for you.  If you have, then wait until Automata hits TV.  With creepy bots and only the main character giving a worthy performance, this movie slides into the generic Sci-Fi category easily.  But Automata isn't that bad a film, it's just one you've seen many times before.

3 out of 5 Stars (minus two stars for cliché ideas and subpar acting)

DVD Movie Review - Cold In July

Dexter takes a break from logging to get a fantastic mullet cut and chase down perverts with mud on his face.

STORY:

Richard Dane (Michael C. Hall) has a wife and son that need protecting.  When a sound is heard in the middle of the night by his wife, Ann (Vinessa Shaw), Richard loads his father's revolver and attempts to thwart the thief.  Moments later, a man is dead in Richard's living room.  But that's alright…it's Texas in 1989 and killing someone in your home is considered self-defense.  So Richard cleans the mess and goes back to his simple life of framing pictures and raising his boy.  But the dead thief has a father…a criminal father that was just paroled.  So soon after, the thief's father, Ben Russel (Sam Shepard) comes knocking on Richard's door wanting revenge.  Crashing Ford Pintos, VHS tapes, counting to ten, exploding popcorn, and bloody genitals ensue.

"I don't know, Honey, the painting just doesn't seem to go with the rest of the bloody decor.  Maybe

we just need to kill us another thief?  Ya know...to even it all out."

THOUGHTS:

Have you ever played an RPG and after chasing the main quest for about 15 minutes, you happen to come across a side quest and figure, "well, let me knock this out real quick and then I'll jump back into the main quest."  And after a few minutes, that side quest turns into another side quest, which turns into another side quest, and you finally look back and you're on a path completely non-related to the original quest and you have no idea how you got there.  Well, this film is exactly like that.  Even if you read the "story" outline above, you'll never in a million years guess where the plot leads and that's because the ending storyline has almost no relation to the beginning storyline.  The movie feels like the writer began one story and then decided it wasn't going anywhere, so he pulled a second story out of the closet and just attached it to the first. 

Even the main character feels like two different people.  The Richard in the beginning of the movie is a scared husband that's just trying to keep his family safe.  And his actions are made purely on stupidity and curiosity.  But the simple questions that motivate Richard at the start are quickly tossed out the window, and what you're left with is a protagonist that makes decisions for no other reason than to fill two hours of your time.

"You sure this is where you buried the jar of pennies?"

"Listen, I reckon there's about fourteen bucks somewhere around here, and two days of 

digging is worth that kind of dough."

DEXTER:

Cold in July delivers really bad hair, ugly cars, terrible clothes, bland dialogue, and a main character that doesn't seem to know which way is up. If you're like most, you saw the actors in the movie and thought, "Sam Shepard is pretty good and—holy shmoly is that Dexter?"  But don't be fooled.  The protagonist, Richard Dane, is in no way even remotely as interesting as Dexter.  Hall's Richard looks like he's caught in a never ending fog throughout the movie.  Never does he look like he understands a word that anyone says and he's almost never certain of his actions, which establishes a man that's void of any personality.  On top of all this, his dialogue is short and only seems to move the plot along without any real reactions to the story unfolding.

"But...but you promised I could grow me one, Honey.  What's it gonna look like if I'm the only one on

the bowling team without a ponytail?  I'll be the league fool."

THE TWIST:

(SLIGHT SPOILERS AHEAD.  If you want to be somewhat surprised, then skip this paragraph.)

When the film starts and after about thirty minutes, you'll think you have a pretty good idea of just where the story is leading.  Then a twist occurs and it'll keep you interested, but after a second revelation—having something to do with Sam Shepard's character—the movie takes a hard left turn into pornographic woods and never, ever, comes out.  Without giving too much a way, if you were expecting a revenge story, then you'll be greatly surprised and disappointed with how the film actually concludes.  >>END OF SLIGHT SPOILERS<<

"Says right here, he's the Mayor.  Got himself a business card and everything."

THE ACTING:

The best of the bunch here is Sam Shepard as his storyline is stronger and has much more range than anyone else.  He's creepy when he's looking for revenge, but will also gain your sympathy as the story progresses.  And then there's Don Johnson, who plays Jim Bob.  If there was ever a name that instills intelligence, it's Jim Bob.  Johnson steps into the film with swagger and just enough cartoon goofiness to stick out like a sore thumb among the rest of the mundane characters.  If there's a reason to laugh, it'll be his lines and reactions that'll get a giggle.  But it's not enough to pull the movie out of the depressing hole it falls into.  As stated above, Hall's character is unremarkable and unmemorable, and that's just sad, considering who the man played in the past.  And finally, Vinessa Shaw climbs aboard the meandering movie ship as Richard's wife, Ann.  Her character is hilariously oblivious to everything her husband is doing and comes off more as a set piece than anything else.

"Well there's your problem right there...it's C-a-t, not K-a-t.  But don't feel bad, took me about 

thirteen years before I could remember that."

CONCLUSION:

You'll want to like Cold in July for its throwback to 1980's gritty crime dramas, but sadly, it feels more like a made-for-TV movie that a network plays around four in the morning when people are tuning in to see what infomercials are running.  If the plot didn't stray so much from the initial story, or maybe if it even tied up a few loose ends in the finale, then this would be a movie worthy of a free watch on a premium channel.  But boring dialogue and a slow crawl through uneven terrain will lead most viewers to forget all about Cold in July.  If you're thinking of renting this, wait until it makes cable.  It's not a movie you have to rush out to see, and if you do end up enjoying the plot, then you can be thankful for getting all its greatness for free.

2.5 out of 5 Stars (minus two stars for meandering plot & dull dialogue and a half star for mullet)

DVD Movie Review - X-Men: Days of Future Past

X-Men: Days of Future Past bridges the gap between X-Men: First Class and the three original X-Men movies, while at the same time completely disregarding Professor X's death in The Last Stand.

"What the...Argh!  Every time I get into a gun fight, someone shoots me in the balls."

STORY:

Get out your pencil and paper because this could get a little muddy.  The future is grim for all walks of life.  And shape-shifting sentinels have been sent out to kill every last mutant on earth.  The last of the X-Men (good and bad) are huddled together in a secret mountain getaway.  As sentinels make their way to the remaining X-Men, Professor X (Patrick Stewart) develops a plan.  He wants Kitty Pryde (Ellen Page) to send his mind back to 1973 to stop past events from happening and possibly change the future for the better.  (If you're wondering about Kitty's mind travel trick, it's a gift she learned at birthday parties and then fully developed during her drunken sorority days at X-Men College.)

The only problem is Professor X's mind won't be able to take it, because he's a wuss.  And that leaves only one mutant who has a brain that could repair itself faster than mind time travel can wreck it…and that's Wolverine (Hugh Jackman).  So Wolverine's future mind attempts to go back in time to 1973 to warn the younger X-Men of the crappy future to come.  And if he succeeds, his future mind will be wiped and everything from 1973 to the present will be lost.  Does that make any sense?  No?  Well don't worry.  There's enough meat in the middle of the story to even out the silly time-traveling subplot anyway.  Ugly sentinels, gigantic hats, long blue legs, drug addicted mutants, and some of the funniest slow-mo scenes ever, ensue.

"I don't know man, Mind-Travel sounds pretty hard.  Wait...aren't you dead?"

THOUGHTS:

If you haven't seen any of the past X-Men movies, shame on you.  They're not really needed to understand this film—as long as you know the comic book mutants and their powers—but it's highly recommended, because Days of Future Past goes above and beyond to connect all the past X-Men storylines.  Just don't mention the miraculous resurrection of a dead Professor X.

The premise of being able to send your mind back in time can be a little delicate for viewer comprehension, but it’s best not to dwell on the ridiculousness of it all.  You have to remember this is a comic book movie and anything goes.  Anyone that can accept a man named Wolverine that's lived for hundreds of years and has claws materializing from his hands, should be able to get past the film's premise with ease.  And once Wolverine is back in the past, you'll forget all about what's going on in the present—even if the movie continually shoves it in your face.  Why?  Because the present mutant's (Storm, Magneto, Kitty Pryde, Iceman, and others) storyline is basically a bookend to the great story unfolding in the middle.

It's easy…if you enjoyed First Class, then you'll enjoy Days of Future Past.  Not only do you have the acting chops of Michael Fassbender (who doesn't let his accent slip this time), Jennifer Lawrence, and James McAvoy, but you also get to see Jackman interact with each of these characters and that brings charm, sarcasm, and hilarity to the film.  But one of the best new inclusions is Quicksilver (Evan Peters).  He has the ability to move really…quickly.  Hence the name.  But he's not just thrown in the cast as another body to fill some mutant space.  His subplot is actually an integral part of the story and it's also the funniest and coolest part of the film.  Only he has the right gifts to help Wolverine and his cohorts accomplish an impossible task, and it’s one of the best slow motion captures you'll ever see.

"Yeah, I'll take three double whoppers, a bacon double cheeseburger, two onion rings, three large fries,

and a diet coke.  Something funny, bub?"

Themes such as love, racism, hope, trust, and a better future, are all front and center in DoFP.  And like First Class, the whole movie rests atop humans and the newly discovered mutants struggling to coexist.  But—just like the other films—there's always that one guy who hates mutants so much, he's willing to put humanity in jeopardy to destroy them.  Who gets the honor this time around?  The famous Destiny Ghost: Peter Dinklage.  He plays Dr. Bolivar Trask, the man that creates the sentinels and tortures mutants to discover their weaknesses.  His acting is straight forward and the dialogue/plot leaves him with little emotional range, but he does get the job done. 

The two most important mutants—besides Wolverine—are Erik Lehnsherr (Magneto) played by Fassbender and Mystique, played by Jennifer Lawrence.  Without the effort these two put into their acting, the movie would fall apart at the seams.  Both mutants want the future to be bright and both have similar ideas on how to accomplish this goal.  While Lawrence spends her time nakedly kicking ass and literally taking names and appearances, Fassbender offers up memorable speeches and some of the most jaw-dropping mutant strength you've seen yet.

James McAvoy portrays the young Professor X and the only mutant with a grudge against Magneto.  McAvoy falls into the drug addicted and highly depressed mutant role easily, but the real acting happens when he and Fassbender share scenes together.  Their shaky friendship storyline blends perfectly into the chemistry these two have on screen and watching them debate their issues—even though they almost want the same thing—is just shy of amazing. 

Cut!  Dammit, Jennifer, I know you like being naked and free, but you have to 

stop brake dancing.  We have a movie to shoot. 

THE REST OF THE CAST AND SUBPLOTS:

This is the type of film where you could write an entire review just by listing who's in it.  (It might even be easier to acknowledge who doesn't make a cameo.)  Almost every single mutant from previous X-men films is present at least to say hello.  But the real question is do all the pieces work?  Does it hurt the movie having so many characters running around and so many subplots to work out?  Nope.  Actually having all these mutants included makes the film better.  Never once are you bored with the story.  Every time the plot seems to linger too long on one character, you're quickly swept up into a different storyline happening simultaneously.  The only weak point of the film happens ten minutes in, when the present day Professor X has to explain the entire plot so you won't be completely confused as it unfolds.

"I've loved you ever since I saw your blue breas--"

"Shh...you had me at hello.  You had me...at hello."

CONCLUSION:

X-Men: Days of Future Past may seem like a cash grab with all the actors included, but it’s one of the franchises' strongest stories yet.  The time travel plot is slightly convoluted, but what the film lacks in premise, it makes up for with a meaty story in between.  If you’ve been a fan of past X-Men movies, feel free to rent this without a worry.  The action sequences have sped up, the fights have become a tad more brutal, and the special effects are increased tenfold, thanks to the amazing abilities of Magneto and Quicksilver.  X-Men: Days of Future Past easily becomes one of the best entries of the franchise.

4 out of 5 Stars (minus a star for convoluted mind travel, and for forgetting Prof. X died)

DVD Movie Review - Edge of Tomorrow (or Live, Die, Repeat?)

Note: Edge of Tomorrow is based on the novel All You Need Is Kill and P&P's review can be found right here.

STORY:

Bill Cage (Tom Cruise) is about to have a terrible day.  He's being forced onto the front lines of a battle against an alien army and he's never set foot on a battlefield.  Hilariously, Bill Cage is going to brutally die.  But it's okay, because when he finally does bite the bullet or get hit by a truck or shot in the head, his life simply resets and he starts the entire day all over again.  But Cage wants nothing more than to win the battle and the loop to end.  So his only hope may be learning how to fight from a ferocious soldier named Rita (Emily Blunt).  Leveling up, morbid jokes, Home Depot Mech suits, and continuous deaths ensue.

"Listen, are you positive Home Depot plumbing supplies and a bike helmet will be enough to keep me safe out there?"

AND NOW A BRIEF WORD ON BACKWARDS MARKETING:

Let's face it: stupidity is everywhere, including the movie business.  And since P&P has Hollywood connections (not really), we're delighted to bring you the exact moment of marketing greatness below.

"Hey, since the film didn't do too good in theaters, I've got a great idea to sell more home copies." 

What's that, Bob? 

"Well, how about we change the name again when it's shipped to stores?" 

Great idea, Bob!  But what will we call it? 

"Live. Die. Repeat." 

Holy Shmoly, Bob, I think you've got something there.

And that concludes our brief but necessary word on backwards marketing.  The review will now resume.

"There's no reason to be scared, Xenomorphs hardly ever make it aboard spaceships."

THOUGHTS:

Before you discount the Edge of Tomorrow as a Sci-Fi knock-off of Groundhog Day, you should understand that at no time did you ever see the legend that is Bill Murray running and gunning with aliens on his tail.  Sure, the Edge of Tomorrow doesn't have an angry groundhog driving a truck off a cliff, but very few movies do.

Just like in Groundhog Day, the Edge of Tomorrow repeats and repeats and repeats.  But never in any given moment are you bored.  Each repeat has a slight twist or added addition to make each scene feel fresh, allowing the protagonist to grow as every minute passes.  And even though the movie seems like a serious Sci-Fi action thriller, there's also a ton of humor spread throughout.  Whether you're laughing at Tom Cruise continuously dying, Bill Paxton's rambling as Sergeant Farell, or people having planes dropped on their heads, the film constantly surprises you.  On top of all that, the Edge of Tomorrow is aware of its convoluted story about loops, Alphas, and Omegas.  Even Cruise states in dialogue that his plight is as ridiculous as it sounds.  So it's better to just sit back and enjoy the fun action, than actually attempting to dissect each and every loop.

"Let me tell you something, I've seen you dance in your underwear and...Eh, I'm not impressed."

THE BOOK vs. THE FILM:

You may be thinking, "There's no reason for me to see the movie, because I've read the book."  And you'd be dead wrong.  Where the book was a quick Sci-Fi romp that could be considered an appetizer, the film on the other hand is actually the main course.  The premise of a continuous looping day during a battle with aliens largely remains the same between the two works, but this is the only thing that carries over to the film.  The book was set in Japan and had a Japanese protagonist.  Here you get London and the legendary—and occasionally neurotic—Tom Cruise.  Who, in fact is not Japanese.  The mimics in the book were shaped more like giant bloated frogs, and in the movie they're more like the Matrix's sentinels.  The book focused on ending the battle loop and getting the protagonist to the next day.  The movie actually has many more set pieces, keeping the large battle scenes to a minimum, while also focusing on character building and the relationship between Cage and Rita.  The coffee subplot from the novel does make an appearance in the movie, but it's not as prominent.  So it's safe to say the movie feels more like an extension of the novel, instead of a direct interpretation.  As a result, you can read the book first and then enjoy a totally different experience watching the movie.  Or vice versa.

"Allow me to put this in terms you'll understand.  You're ugly and I'm Tom Cruise.  Period."

THE ACTING:

If you didn't know…this is a Tom Cruise film.  So did you really think he wouldn't be putting his all into the production?  The man, no matter what kind of movie he's in, always gives one hundred percent.  And enjoying this film comes down to one thing: whether or not you like him as an actor.  If you don't like Cruise then there's really no reason to watch this movie (unless you want to see him die repeatedly).  But you can't deny his ability to portray a wet-behind-the-ears recruit in the beginning, only to end up as a battle-hardened soldier with unmatched killing skills by the end.  And his progression from scared to frustrated to desperate to angry to awesome-sauce is nothing short of fantastic acting.

Emily Blunt shows up in all her beauty as Rita Vrataski.  At first you might have thought there was no way in which she could possibly portray a military killing machine, but after the first few minutes as the Full Metal Bitch, you'll quickly understand she's perfect.  And her relationship and chemistry with Cruise feels completely natural at first, moves towards respect in the middle, and then turns to affectionate by the end.  Weird Science's angry turd, Bill Paxton, shows up throughout the film for comic relief and random silly dialogue, while just about everybody else is cannon fodder for deaths and surprise laughs.

THE MECH SUITS:

What happened?  With all the money that was poured into the production, you'd think—besides the aliens—the Mech suits would be the next most important concept design.  Cruise looks like he was caught in the middle of a Home Depot explosion and plumbing pieces just happened to stick to whatever shirt he was wearing.  The only redeeming factor is the special effects that are used with the Mech suits.  The operator's ability to crush, punch, and move at lightning speeds is what pushes the design to mediocre levels.  Even Rita's team of Special Ops soldiers look like they just lost a paintball tournament that also included motor cross.

"Why are you gawking at me?  You act like you've never seen a woman play paintball before."

CONCLUSION:

If you love action Sci-Fi with big headliners as the cast, then don't discount the Edge of Tomorrow.  If you have a disdain for Cruise (even though he spends most of the time dying) then you might want to sit this one out.  But if action, humor, aliens, explosions, somewhat nonsensical plots, and Emily Blunt are your cup of tea, then be sure not to miss this film.  If you're a gamer that understands the challenge of doing something over and over until you've mastered every piece of the level, then you might just be able to relate to the story.  The only problem the film could have is it might change its name one more time before the disc actually lands on shelves.

4 out of 5 Stars (minus a star for slightly convoluted story and Mech designs)