If you haven’t
read Part 1 it’ll be right below this one.
Oh, you linked to this and are too lazy to find it yourself…fine, click
here: PART ONE
This is the last
part to the bonanza, so take it in slowly, savoring every syllable on your
tongue, because you won’t see it again for another twelve months. Have fun.
That Nick Cage
Movie:
SEEKING
JUSTICE
There’s
always one, right? Well, this year we
were graced with two Cage movies. The
runner-up you probably recognize, but Seeking Justice snuck under the radar and
it’s a shame too, because it’s actually not a bad Cage film. Someone does something unspeakable to his
family and he wants justice. In steps a
cult that’ll do just that for him, but he’ll owe them a favor.
Apart
from his hair, the rest of the film actually resembles a story with a plot and
everything. It seems so rare nowadays
that I can’t even begin to judge this film with other films. It has to live in its own category and
receive its own awards, but really, Nick Cage deserves his own category by now,
which is why he’s got his own award.
Runner Up:
GHOST
RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE
Man,
you were just hoping that this installment of the franchise that he himself
worked hard to get done, would have been good.
But alas, it’s just another Cage film with really bad story
telling. Someone has to pry this
franchise out of his greedy little fingers because he’s killing it. On a side note, there’s video up on youtube
of him doing a few scenes without the Ghost Rider special effects and they’re
scarier than the actual movie scenes.
What happened to the Con Air Nick Cage that once was?
Best
Non-Historical Historical Movie:
ABRAHAM
LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER
Aside
from being pretty darn close to actual historic events (as stated in the very
beginning of the film)—I think Lincoln did more Werewolf killing in his time,
but I guess the history depends on who is telling it—it’s not a bad film at
all. It has a very tall man with an even
taller hat, crazy vampires that kill anything, but can’t kill each other, and you’ll
learn: swinging an axe enough times leads to being able to chop a 2 foot
diameter tree down with one blow.
There’s a cool scene with horses and a train segment that’s fun to
watch. If you’re looking to waste a few
hours and don’t care how you do it, why not learn a little about one of our
Presidents, and watch this while dipping your hand in a bag of Cheetos.
Worst Casting:
KRISTEN
STEWART: SNOW WHITE & THE HUNTSMAN
I
don’t know about you, but when I look at Kristen Stewart the first thing I see
in her is a warrior. Especially those
behind the scene shots where she’s smoking a cigarette, like she’s trying to
suck her whole face up into her mouth.
Sexy—if I’ve ever seen it.
Everyone
else in their respected roles fit perfectly.
Charlize Theron rocking the bad witch—sexy, the ugly dude who played her
pedophile-looking brother and Hemsworth as the hero…everyone a perfect
fit. Then some a-hole had to go and find
the one girl, who not always looks like a girl (see Panic Room), and cast her
as the main heroine. You had one
job! What the hell happened?
Best Casting:
MARK
RUFFALO as Bruce Banner: THE AVENGERS
Think
about this: could you see anyone else playing Bruce Banner in the
Avengers? Anyone? No, because he completely killed the
role. He played the scientist perfectly,
and there’s really no way else to put it.
There’s a scene where Black Widow finds Banner hiding out and she tells
him they need his help with a Tesseract cube and he says “What’s he (Nick Fury)
want me to do, swallow it?” A small
subtle line like that had me falling out of my chair. He delivered it precisely as he should
have. The reviews said the Hulk stole the
show, but Ruffalo stole every scene he was in too. Even from the likes of Downey Jr.
Runner Up:
TOM
HARDY: LAWLESS
If
you haven’t seen Lawless, you should.
Tom Hardy plays the rough and tough brother of three. And he’s not over-the-top. The character is laid back and Hardy does a
fantastic job with his mannerisms. There
are scenes where he doesn’t even have a line and you know what he’s
thinking. This is just great
casting. After you watch the movie,
again just like above, you can’t see anyone else playing the role. I’m excited to see what he does with Sam Fisher
in the Splinter Cell movie based on the video game. With him cast as the headliner, at least
that’s one thing you don’t have to worry about.
Worst Movie
Advertising:
THE
GREY
So
you saw that trailer where Liam Neeson looks like a badass about to fight some
wolves, right? And you were like me—“Damn
this looks like ‘Taken’ out in the wilderness.”
I couldn’t wait. I read some
reviews where they said the movie could get a little slow or it’s really
different from the trailer and damn—that’s putting it nicely. This movie is not about Liam Neeson using his
martial art skills to take down a pack of wolfs, and no, he doesn’t use his
lightsaber either. It’s just a bunch of
guys who get stuck out in the woods and have the make the best of what they
got, and oh—there are some wolves.
Biggest Surprise
Movie:
MOONRISE
KINGDOM
Corky,
funny, silly, innocent, witty, youthful, playful, outrageous, and amusing is
how I would describe this movie. I
didn’t have high hopes at all when I plopped it in my Blu-Ray player, and thank
God, because it made it that much better.
The young girl plays her part perfectly, but the little boy is whole
show. Without him you have nothing. The plot and story was so unexpected and
ridiculous it really caught me by surprise (hence the award, duh?). If you haven’t seen this, there really isn’t
anything not to love here. It’s a
budding relationship between two youths that has innocence written all over
it. All they want to do is love each
other and get married, and at one point they kind of do. That’s all I’m saying, now go watch it. It’s really good as a date movie too, so guys
don’t pound your head against the wall if your better half picked this one up,
you’ll like it.
Runner Up:
DARK
SHADOWS
I
really thought the retelling of Barnabas Collins’ story was going to be so bad
I’d turn it off half way through. Tim
Burton’s movies have become clichés, always looking and feeling the same
without much difference between them. If
you take all the Burton movies and splice them together, you might just get one
huge opus that just rambles on. Don’t
let me mislead you; this movie has Burton written all over it. Even the love interest at the end, remarkably
looks like Sally from the Nightmare Before Christmas. And Helena Carter once again makes an
appearance.
Dark
Shadows had a story that kept me interested and at times made me laugh out
loud. The vampire parts (killings and
bloodsucking) are extraordinarily bloody and gruesome. The plot itself wasn’t as campy as first
thought and by the end I actually felt for the character Barnabas. Something I haven’t done in a Tim Burton
movie in a very long time. If you like
horror/comedies, Dark Shadows might just be your cup of tea.
THE
AMAZING SPIDERMAN
You
can see the review of this one here. With
all the hype of it being more recycled garbage, Marc Webb managed to squeeze a
pretty good character-driven love-story in the movie. Garfield and Stone were perfect on screen
together and Sheen, Field & Leary made the secondary characters worth
watching. Just like in our review, Rhys
Ifans and the Lizard were paper thin, so here’s to hoping the next addition is
worth watching. With Jamie Foxx set to
play Electro, my hopes of these rebooted movies have dropped significantly. I was hoping for a better villain, even if
they would have been already trekked.
MAN
ON A LEDGE
One
man, one ledge, and two hours of story, sounds pretty frigging boring if you
ask me. A movie set in one spot with the
public watching, made me think of Phone Booth.
But surprisingly, I actually found a story wedged somewhere in
there. Worthington doesn’t bring to mind
the best films you’ve seen, so with his block-acting and a camera fixed on a
ledge, I thought this would be another movie I’d turn off.
Watch
it. That’s all I have to say. Jamie Bell and the gorgeous Mandy Gonzalez
add extra spice to a film that could have been bland. And the plot and backstory make this one
worth a viewing, if not two. Oh, and
there’s this scene where Gonzalez squeezes into this outfit…you won’t forget
it, I haven’t, and it’s been months.
Best Animated
Movie:
PARANORMAN
Our
review of this one can be read here.
What can be said about a stop-motion film like ParaNorman. The Artists on board put their lives and loves
into this one, and it shows. They went
so far as animating specs of dirt and drops of saliva. With the amount of work poured into this
movie, there’s no way you can’t respect it, even if you hate the theme. It has a great moral throughout and a story
that sucks you in. I recommend the
DVD/Blu-Ray for the behind the scenes featurettes/bonuses, they’re excellent
and show the work that went into this one.
With all that, there’s no way this wasn’t the best animated film of
2012.
Best
Choreographed Action Movie:
SAFE
You
can read our review of this one here.
Best Statham movie I’ve seen recently: great story, excellent character
developments, and kick-ass action. I’ve
heard interviews where Statham has stated that “work is work” and if they’re
willing to hire him, he’ll do the movie, regardless of the story. So, he’s a working man looking for a
paycheck—so what? Isn’t everyone? Thank goodness they threw this film his
way. The action is brutal and in your
face. No fancy schmancy bull-crap here,
every move is meant to break a bone and crush the opponent. The fight on the train is a perfect example. If you haven’t seen it and like action, then
stop reading this and go rent this sucker right now.
The Movie that
just shouldn’t have been made:
JOURNEY
2: THE MYSTERIOUS ISLAND
With
the shrimp Josh Hutcherson, who’s known for acting like a perfectly crafted two
by four, and Hudgens, whose claim to fame is sending under-age naked photos to
her boyfriend and having them end up all over the web, where could this one go
wrong? Oh, and the Rock sings…good God
make it stop. Luis Guzman shows up for a
paycheck and acts as though he hasn’t read the script or knows exactly what the
movie is about and Alfred himself (Michael Caine) pops in to show you how far
to the bottom of the barrel one can fall after the Dark Knight. This movie might be worth watching if your
better half promised you oral after it ended or maybe with a stomach full of
enough beer to make the room spin…might be.
Runner Up:
WRATH
OF THE TITANS
Worthington,
Worthington…Worthington. Oh, and the
story sucks too.
Best Sci-Fi
Movie:
LOOPER
Joseph
Gordon Levitt is one of the best actors of his generation. There are only a few solid, young guys that
you can always count on to give their best, and JGL is one of them. With excellent writing & directing from
Rian Johnson, I expected this to be good and it delivered. If you’ve only seen the trailers, then you
have no idea what this film is truly about. You’re saying Time-Travel
right? Wrong. There’s even a scene where the two main
characters express to the audience how silly thinking about time-travel really
is, and instead tell you to focus on the story at hand. With a somewhat grounded plot and Willis, and
Emily Blunt (the girl I will someday marry) as secondary characters you have
nothing to fear. If sci-fi is your
addiction then renting this come the end of December should be on your to-do
list. If you don’t know what to expect
from either Rian Johnson or JGL then look into “Brick”, a corky, dialogue
heavy, drama/mystery that will make your head spin.
Most Self-Aware
Horror Movie:
THE
CABIN IN THE WOODS
Our
review can be read here. The master Joss
Whedon treats you to his version of horror.
Why is this film self-aware?
Because it attempts to show you exactly what every horror film tries to
pass off nowadays as horror, and makes it fun and refreshing while he does
it. If you’re expecting the same old
over-worked dialogue and plot, then you’re in for a treat. Sure it seems that way at first, but things
drastically make a turn for the unexpected and you’ll be in the edge of your
seat either laughing or hiding by the end.
This film also gets the Best Horror award; we just didn’t feel like
making another category. So there!
Most Self-Aware
Comedy/Drama:
SEVEN
PSYCOPATHS
Again,
a movie that knows it’s making fun of itself, and does so in style. Is there comedy? Yep. Is there drama? Yep.
Is most of the movie ridiculous?
Yep. Should I go and see it? Only if you’re into over-the-top goofiness,
with a side of gruesome. This film
starts one place and ends somewhere totally different. The actor that made me see this movie is Sam
Rockwell, I really can’t get enough of his eccentric, nutty persona—it makes me
laugh every time. Christopher Walken is
Christopher Walken, which is never a bad thing, and Colin Farrell attempts to
be the drunken word of wisdom throughout.
Was there a little too much hype on this one’s greatness? I think so.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a solid film but I expected a little more. What puts it above and beyond and graced it with
an award is the way it knows how ridiculous it really is. If you liked “In Bruges” then this one is
right up your alley.
Best Acting that
was Overlooked:
RYAN
REYNOLDS: SAFE HOUSE
Nobody
ever talks about this one, why? It has
frigging Denzel in it…Denzel, hello! I
thought this movie was great and as always, Denzel is at the top of his
game. There’s a scene at the end where he’s
really not feeling too well and his mannerisms get me every time. But we’re not here for what’s expected, we’re
here for what’s not. Ryan Reynolds
coming off of the disaster “Green Lantern” and comedic brilliance in “The
Change-Up” delivers a heart-wrenching performance as a young naïve CIA agent,
making blunder, after blunder. People
usually don’t associate Reynolds with drama, but he delivered. His performance was top notch throughout the
film and made you care for him instantly.
You wanted him to succeed and actually become friends with a dangerous
man. Oh, and he’s not too bad with
action either, but that was expected.
Safe House is a solid action/drama that had a great story and first-rate
acting throughout. If you haven’t seen
it, it won’t disappoint.
Best Independent
Film that No One Watched:
LOOSIES
You’re
probably thinking: “Where the hell did this one come from?” And that’s perfectly normal. Sometimes you see a movie for what it is:
just a really solid story. There are no
special effects or crazy action or anything that really makes it standout. So why the heck am I watching it? For the story, silly. It’s written really well. It starts off with a scene that confuses and
makes you interested in what’s going on, and then it does what most films have
difficulty doing: it explains everything by the end. It’s written by the star, Peter Facinelli,
who I haven’t seen since he explained someone called him a “fag” in “Can’t
Hardly Wait.” If you so much as mention
the films you’re thinking I will stop this article right now! Good, let us move on.
Jaimie
Alexander (Sif from Thor) co-stars as the sweet and innocent, yet troubled
girlfriend. This film has feelings,
hijinks, hysterical dialogue, heart-felt performances and even a couple of
minutes of Michael Madsen, running around as a cop, whose current state in law
enforcement is the laughing-stock of the department. No need to rent this one if you have pay
channels because it’s currently floating around in one of them. If you sometimes like the low-budget indie
film that has more to offer in its characters than set designs, check this one
out.
Most Visceral
& Violent:
DREDD
If
you’re looking for extreme violence, mixed with blood and guts getting torn
out, and you want that all wrapped up in slow motion, then Dredd is your
movie. Does it have a great plot? Are you really watching it for the
plot?! Well, how’s the acting then? The acting exists for about 8 minutes in the
hour and half running time and when it’s there I guess it’s pretty solid. So why the hell am I watching it? For the crazy slow motion bullet time that
completely rips people’s faces apart and only asks that you smile in return.
I
can’t deny I enjoyed this film. It’s
just a man and his psychic partner, climbing a tower, blowing up people along
the way on each floor to get to the top and take out the leader. That’s it.
If you don’t mind something so simple and enjoy skin getting ripped to
shreds, then don’t hesitate, pop this in the player and get ready to be
sickened. I admire Urban for not once
taking off his helmet. Either he was
really into the role or he felt that if he did people wouldn’t watch it. Whatever the reason, it works. Well done.
Best Movie:
THE
AVENGERS
We
finally have come to this award. What
can I possibly say that hasn’t already been said? Recent videos have popped up on youtube
claiming the wrongs of this film, but really—who gives a crap? I thought the past summer and year would go
to the “The Dark Knight Rises”, because let’s be real, writing a movie with
that many characters and that many named actors can only lead to dribble
right? Wrong.
Taking
the helm was fanboy, Whedon, who drove this sucker all the way home. It had thrills, action, laughs, and some of
the greatest fights (among themselves) that I always hoped would happen and
they actually did. What happens when Thor
brings the hammer down on Cap?
Shown. What happens when Iron Man
gets electrocuted by Thor’s lightning?
Shown. What would happen if the
Hulk went up against Loki? Oh, that one
brought the most laughing I’ve ever heard in one theater…ever. Would Captain America and Iron Man get along
if they were in a room together?
Shown. Shown, shown, shown.
Whedon
took what couldn’t be done, and f*cking knocked it out of the park. This movie is hands-down the best movie of
the year. Even some elderly folk I know
went to see it in theaters several times, and they can barely get up off the
sofa or out of bed. If you haven’t seen
it—which I really don’t think is possible by now, but you never know with some
of the crazy people in the world—do yourself and everyone else a favor, see it,
damn it!
Runner
Up:
SKYFALL
Skyfall
was an excellent movie and you can read our review here. Sadly, it went up against “The Avengers” and
they were too mighty for even 007. If
the Avengers didn’t happen this year, this movie is the clear win. We have said all that’s needs to be said in
the review so go and check it out. This
Bond is one of the best, bringing the core of the character down to the rawness
that was needed. He also took some cues
from the Dark Knight, I hear.
_________________________________________________________________________________
So that’s it,
that’s all we have. If you were
expecting more, then you’re frigging crazy—haven’t we done enough? I hope you enjoyed our little trek through
memory lane. And maybe there was one or
two on the list you didn’t see and now are looking forward too.
Have
a Happy New Year from the P&P staff and here’s to 2013, hoping it’ll top
this year and not flop-out on us.
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