The Following Premier Review

Normally, reviewing a weekly show is counterproductive, but seeing as The Following had so much advertising, the least we could do would be to cover the premier.  So in case you’re really not paying attention, this will probably be the last time you read anything on P&P about this show.  There are spoilers beyond—read at your own risk! You have been warned. 

The Following had so much media coverage and advertising behind it, you would have thought it was running for a Senate seat.  There was no way to escape the onslaught of Kevin Bacon’s haggard face: buses, billboards, commercials, You-tube, park benches, bathroom stalls, outhouses, henhouses, etc.  If you fell into the advertising trap that’s okay, you’re not alone.  I was sucked right in too.  An article in my local paper said the premier will scare the crap out of you.  I wouldn’t go that far, but my stomach did rumble here and there—probably just the Chinese food, but how can one be so sure?

STORY:

A nutty, yet romantic, psychotic serial killer, James Purefoy playing Joe Carroll—who loves Poe—decides he wants to finish his masterpiece, and to do so, goes on blogs and twitter (just speculation) to talk to people about their inner serial killers, and without any trouble, secures his way out of a maximum prison.  But there is a hero to this tale—enter, dum dum dummmmm—Kevin Bacon and his slouching shoulders.  Bacon plays Ryan Hardy, a burn-out agent with a habit of filling trashcans with empty alcohol bottles.  He used to work for the FBI, but now just stays at home watching Oprah and rubbing one out. (I’m assuming people, just assuming)  Ryan Hardy is forced back into the game by his nemesis Carroll and the show takes off from there.

No Ma, I didn't pass out on the front lawn naked, again. 

THOUGHTS:

It was a solid opening for a show, one we’ve all seen before, but solid.  The only problem is: hopefully the show’s episodes are better.  If the opening hour is the best we get, then I don’t see the Following holding on to its viewers much longer. 

We’ve all seen the show where each episode the protagonist chases the bad guy, jumping through hoops and getting thrown in the wrong direction, and then finally turns to his orangutan partner for help and after first flinging crap and scratching his ass, tells our protagonist that the pubic hair floating in his coffee is the clue they need to catch the killer.  At least, I think I saw that—could have been a dream though.  Anyway, just rinse and repeat and voila: instant cop show.  The Following must differ from that layout or it’s just the same recycled garbage that’s all over TV.

What is this?  A framed portrait of me, made out of bacon...lovely.

I really wish they would have stretched the quick 45min. arc of the first episode out to at least two episodes.  It would have helped raise the tension that a thriller show needs.  SPOILER ALERT: Joe Carroll kills numerous guards in a maximum security prison with a hair dryer (again speculating), changes clothes, even talks to a few other guards, and then casually drives off into the sunset.  That’s just the first few minutes.  Then he talks to all his tweeps, causing a tattooed chick to stab out her eye, a gay couple to capture a girl, and some babysitter to snatch a kid from a house full of FBI agents.  Joe Carroll being the romantic that he is, then meets up with the one-that-got-away and stabs out her eyes—because she was having trouble seeing beauty—meets up with Ryan, gets captured, tells Ryan almost his entire plan for the rest of the season and then goes back into his cell to happily spend more time reading Kurt Vonnegut.  That episode is the prime example of how you put five pounds of crap, in a one pound bag.

Let us talk about the “extremely violent” scenes.  Did the show have those?  Yep.  Were they cool?  Not as cool as a premium channel would have shown: at least one bloody naked chick would have been present.  Were these scenes needed?  Here’s where I think the show will differ in coming episodes.  All the blood and violence was probably there for shock value to gain audience, much in the same way a new show on a paid channel will grace the screen with boobies in the first five minutes, to then barely show anything again for the duration of the season.  (I do have to point out the fact that Justified stooped this low for the Premier of their 4^th season: a shot of a fully naked and glorious ass in the first minute.  It was awesome to see, but totally unnecessary for plot)

I could be wrong…and I really hope I am, because I want this show to work.  Serial killers and their tracking counterparts are always fun to watch. 

How could they not allow dancing in this penitentiary?

Kevin Bacon plays the drunken Ryan Hardy perfectly.  No trouble acting here.  With his skin and bones body, adorned with disheveled clothes, the character comes off as the dude that just doesn’t give a crap.  But then does give a crap, because he naturally wants to sleep with both co-stars on the Premier.  No, I’m not talking about Purefoy, you sick bastard.  I’m talking about Maggie Grace, who sadly doesn’t last too long and Justified’s Natalie Zea.

Yes, we put this picture here, just so we could look at her.

Justified’s loss is The Following’s gain.  Natalie has that sophisticated, sexy look.  And with the southern accent…it was pure heaven watching her on Justified.    She doesn’t have the southern accent, which is a shame, but the rest of her is still there.

So, I almost had sex with Rogue...what of it?

Bobby Drake, err I mean Iceman, oops—what I meant to say is Shawn Ashmore makes an appearance as Mike Weston, Bacon’s helpy-helper.  They should have let him keep his mutant powers.  It would have been awesome to watch Iceman attempt to freeze Bacon’s water, or should I say Vodka…hmmm.  Definitely would have added spice, instead he runs around carrying a hard-on for the Ex-FBI agent/novelist Hardy. 

I'm telling you--just one orangutan and you'll add like 2 million viewers, easy. 

Then there’s Purefoy, who plays a nut-ball perfectly.  (The show doesn’t lack in the good-acting department it just needs a refreshing plot)  I personally haven’t seen this man since he bed the smoking hot Cleopatra in HBO’s Rome.  He was in John Carter, but that’s not helping his resume—moving on.  The ending sequence, where he actually explains the entire show to Kevin Bacon was over-the-top and made us viewers look like morons.  But like I said, it was a solid opening, just not one for the record books.

If you need something new to watch and don’t mind the occasional blood, The Following might just hold your interest.  You’ve seen it before, but never with Kevin Bacon playing an undertaker…so, there’s that.

3 out of 5 stars (minus 1 star for holding our hands throughout the show and another star for not portraying some type of boobies in the first 5 mins.)