Book Review - This Book is Full of Spiders

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With LSD in hand, along with several different colored uppers and downers, I opened "This Book is Full of Spiders" expecting a ridiculous trip into Wongland, but what I received was just a web full of educated words.  This novel is the sequel to John Dies at the End; you can read our awesome review of that right here.

STORY:

The world of David Wong and his buddy, burn-out John, once again comes to life and this time they're dealing with a new breed of Zombie—The Spider Zombie.  Their town has been overrun by monsters that will eat your ass and your face, depending on their appetite.  It's up to Dave and John to save the town of Undisclosed and the world from utter demise.  Along the way, Dave gets incarcerated, while John gets intoxicated, and Amy—Dave’s girlfriend—spends her time trying to pick up the pieces.

 Huh? Spider-Zombies? Crap, I don't think we have any of those, but I can check.

THOUGHTS:

JDatE was a book full of zany mini stories, ridiculous horror sequences, and seemingly endless creativity.  It may not have made much sense as a whole, but it definitely brought life to the comedy horror genre.  With meat monsters, phone-sandwiches, and hysterical gamer scenes, there was a lot to love in the first book, even with its faults.

You want a side of ribs or...? 

This Book is Full of Spiders is written by the same author, who miraculously grew up and decided he wanted to be a writer.  Bummer.  The fans, who loved the first book with so many wacky, craptastic things happening in every other paragraph, will be scratching their heads and their balls, wondering if they bought the right book.  You might even spend some time turning it over in your hands with a confused and perplexing expression painted on your face.

Where the first book seemed geared toward the young twenty something’s looking for gross horror, farting demons, and gaming frenzies.  The second book is looking to make friends with the horror mainstream.  It’s sad, because the crazy over-the-top writing from the first is what made Mr. Wong stand out among the crowd, but now it seems, he’s just looking to fit in.  Fail.

Someone must have come in the room while Wong was writing it—say around the 100 page mark—and decided to beat him with a four foot, purple dildo, until he learned the English language and could construct a descend paragraph.  And just when you thought the book’s ending would mimic any other typical horror/thriller, Wong's slave-driver left for more lube, and the real Wong finished the book.

Check out my new field-hockey stick! 

Seriously, the beginning and the very end seem to be written by the young, creative, drugged-up Wong, while the middle was tapped out by an intellectual.  What the hell happened?  Did he run out of Soy Sauce in the middle?

You want to stick this where?

Instead of chapters, the book is broken into a count down to one event or another.  I'm guessing this is to add suspense and momentum.  Except I never really looked at the time limit as I read, and when the book begins to jump back in time and then forward again, and then back in time, and then switch perspective, and then go forward, and then back in time...I hardly knew where the hell I was at, and what was happening.

Like I said, the first book was all over the place too, but mainly it felt like separate silly stories, and not Back to the Future on crack, like this one.  The story would begin to take off, and then suddenly, you're thrown back in time in another perspective and the momentum is fired straight into a brick wall and left to die.  Kind of like a horny teenager just about to climax, and then the Internet goes down and you’re left holding your wang or Wong, with nothing to do.

 

I'm sorry if I fooled you, it's not my fault--did you see the 4ft. purple dildo? 

The silliness geared toward the gamer, I-just-want-to-have-fun attitude, was replaced in this novel with the, you-better-get-off-your-ass attitude and become something.  Is this a lesson trying to snake its way into a Wong novel?  But why?  I’m just here for laughs, Sir, no need to force lessons down my throat.  On top of that, you get the save-the-environment vibe here and there (which I’m really frigging tired of hearing—so, if I drive an electric car, somewhere in the world a butterfly gets its wings?  F--- off!  I have more important things to be worried about, like my job and paying the bills).  I don’t know about you, but I bought this book to forget the world’s woes and just enjoy myself while reading.  If I want to read crap, finger-painted to resemble words, I’ll go read a newspaper. 

Now look at what you’ve done, Wong, you’ve sent me on a tangent.  Getting back on track:

If you enjoyed the first book and are looking for more stories in that same universe, then check out "This Book is Full of Spiders."  It may not be the delinquent Wong we all fell in love with, but part of him is still alive in the story.  The sad thing is: he probably isn't coming back, so I'd get used to the more mainstream stories from now on.

2.5 out of 5 stars (minus 1.5 stars for the back-tracking and 1 star for the preachy crap)