Man
of Steel is one of this year’s best Sci-Fi movies. As for the character of Superman, it squeaks
by like a pot-head trying to pass Math.
First
off: do not trust the critics. This is
the type of film that has to be seen on a person to person basis. Last I looked it was scooting by just under
60% on Rotten Tomatoes. The reviews
seemed to flip-flop more than a goldfish that jumped tank, bringing me to only
one logical conclusion: there must be different versions of Man of Steel being shown in theaters (not really). Some people called it a tragedy, while others
proclaimed it the best film they’ve ever seen.
So which is it? All I can tell
you about is the version I watched, squeezed in a semi-filled theater, hidden
under several boxes of snacks, a barrel of butter-soaked popcorn, and a gallon
of soda.
CAUTION: This review
has been tapped out without so much as one edit. We here felt as though it was more important
to bring you our review now, rather than have you wait. Fortunately, being amazing professionals
allows us to make such grandiose decisions and delivering this review raw and
unedited, is just a risk we’re willing to take.
If you do spot any mistakes, please feel free to call our support-number
to let us know, and we’ll get right on that.
Now, without further idiocy, here’s our Man of Steel review in all its
unedited glory.
News Flash: Superman lets one go.
In unrelated news, California is blown out to sea by an unforeseen wind.
STORY:
Really? Are there people out there that don’t know
the Superman mythology? My fault, I just
assumed as soon as a child could read, their parents buried them in Superman
literature and art. No? Fine, but feel free to skip this if you know
the deal.
On
the dying world of Krypton a mother and father decide to save their only son (Clark Kent/Kal-El) by shooting him through
space in a phallus-shaped ship, right into a corn-field in Kansas. Here on earth (Smallville) he learns of humanity, truth, justice, and the American
Way. When some surviving knuckleheads (Zod and his gang of marauders) from Krypton
come looking for Clark, he has to make a decision: side with his people of
Krypton or his family on Earth. Torn
between two worlds and two sets of parents, Clark sets off to fulfill his
destiny.
"He shall one day rise up and bring peace to Rome!
Sorry, sorry...I keep getting the films mixed up, keep rolling...keep rolling."
THOUGHTS:
Seven
years ago people cried out after viewing Superman Returns: “There wasn’t any action!” and “Superman doesn’t punch anything!” and “Why am I drunk and crawling around in my
underwear?” Now, I can’t be sure
about the latter, but Zack Snyder and company definitely answered those first
two cries, not once, not twice…not even three times. They answered those cries, over and over and
over again, until some viewers heads spun around and then exploded. (I can’t say that happened in my theater, as
I’m only reporting on speculations)
Man of Steel comes out of the corner swinging, and if you’re not ready
it will punch your teeth out, and maybe randomly, hit you with a truck.
I
have a slight advantage to most though, as I’m not old enough to accept Superman: The Movie as gospel, and I’m
not young enough to want everything to be a jumble of nonsense/smash-your-face-in
brawler. I lay in the middle of the
road, soaking up the greatest of both movie worlds. With that said, Man of Steel is definitely
carving its own path in Superman Mythology.
Just
like Nolan’s Batman movies, Snyder and Goyer pick and choose what to keep, what
to breeze over, and what to completely leave out of their updated telling of
the first superhero. What does this mean
to the audience? Well, it depends on how
deep of a hole you dug into the Superman fan-club. If you’re a diehard fan and can look around
your house and find Superman graphic novels and comic books, than a few things
about the movie are going to seem out of whack, or just completely out of
character. If you’re comic book
movie-goer looking to catch this summer’s blockbuster, than you should come out
of the theater satisfied.
Someone quick, get over here and film these pectorals. They're spectacular!
CHARACTER:
If
there’s one thing Superman has truckload of, its character. With all his powers, bordering on God-like
status, he still chooses to care for everyone, but himself. He can be whomever he wants. He could rule this world and decide who lives
and who dies, but he doesn’t. He chooses
virtue, and stands by humanity, and that’s what makes him the great character
that he is.
So
does the film show his greatness? Well, it
comes damn close. And if you know the
character well, then you’ll have a few of the same gripes I have. The destruction in the city without even a
tickle of worry for the people in the buildings is definitely out of makeup. It seems Snyder chose action and glorious
special effects over core-character.
Then closer to the end, there’s something that completely throws the decades
of Superman mythos right out the window.
I won’t go into details here, but if you know Supes, than you’ll know
exactly what I’m talking about.
Aside
from those two things, everything else seems to be in place. Henry Cavill’s appearance (hauntingly, in a few scenes he looked just
like Christopher Reeve) fits the image of Superman perfectly. Dialogue is used sparingly, leaving Cavill to
exploit facial expressions to portray his feelings. This Superman is dead serious, which hurt a
tad when you look back on the film. I
can literally remember the only two scenes he smiles, both of which are while
doing the same thing. I would have also preferred
a little more interaction with his parents, but we Superman fans can’t seem to
get it all. In the end, Cavill’s performance
is exactly what the movie called for, no more and no less.
"Do you really expect me to believe you would rather talk, than smash everybody's face in?"
ACTION:
There’s
a crap load! Some reviews rambled on and
on about how the film ramps up in the middle and then doesn’t stop until the
end. Well, boo frigging hoo. It didn’t seem that way to me, as there were
specific beats thrown in between the action to allow the viewer to catch his/her
breath. But make no mistake: these
action sequences could have been ripped right out of the pages of recent
comics. Superman in this movie is a
no-nonsense extraterrestrial. If he’s
pissed off, look out, because you’re probably about to get rammed through a few
tankers, several buildings, and maybe a mountain…and that’s if you’re
lucky. Oh, and don’t you dare threaten
his earth mother—because you definitely would not like the backlash.
Sadly,
even though this is a reboot of the same story we know, I really wanted more
scenes showing his childhood and the Kents.
The backstory is told through flashbacks as we race through the
present. The gentle beats of childhood
spread throughout, helped bring freshness to the film, without just repeating
what we’ve already seen in previous iterations.
"Grrr...raowwwrrrr!"
Cut, cut! Mr. Shannon, your line is 'Raowwwrrr...Grrr.' You've got it backwards, sir.
ACTING:
Lois
Lane (played by Amy Adams) has spunk,
fire, and intelligence this time around, adding depth and surpassing the
previous damsel-in-distress types. I
liked the idea of her chasing down the mystery man who keeps saving people’s
lives. Zod (Michael Shannon)—aside from being mad most of the time with
dialogue that just helped move the story forward—worked within the framework of
the plot. Jor-El (Russell Crowe) spends a whole lot of time in the movie, more than
Pa Kent, which I felt was unbalanced.
Most of the time he pops in the scene as a hologram delivering
knowledge, and I couldn’t help but imagine a Roman army standing behind him,
but that’s just me. John (Kevin Costner) and Martha (Diane Lane) Kent were very well written,
and I relished each scene they had with Clark.
Their intimate moments in Clark’s childhood really showed what great
casting they were, while also reflecting some of the best acting in the film.
But
you know who stole every scene they were in?
No, not pumpkin-head Fishburne—come to think about it, the Daily Planet
and its inhabitants don’t really have any significance in the film—it was Antje
Traue playing Faora. As little as she
is, she brought a fierceness that you believed in every word and action she
had. A truly perfect cast.
"I'm telling you, a little rubbing behind the ears and you'll forget all about the alien you're in love with."
SPECIAL EFFECTS:
Snyder
brings it. All those battles you see
broken up in tiny panels within your comic books are here in full HD
glory. Nothing is withheld…nothing I
say. If you wanted to see Supes battle
machines mid-air, while smashing through building after building, or watch the
big man pound alien face into cement, then wait no longer my friend. These action scenes are tremendous: just
enough shakiness for effect, without losing all the splendid details.
"Doesn't the new Assassin's Creed game look awesome on this handheld?"
"Umm...shouldn't we get back to the movie, Zack?"
"In a minute..."
THE MUSICAL
SCORE:
Zimmer
did a great job, but I’m sorry to say, I missed John Williams’ score. Were the producers that afraid to be compared
to the old movies if they included it? (the
word Superman is barely spoken) Well,
too bad, because the first thing everybody is doing is comparing it with the
original movie. I’m not saying have it
throughout the entire film, but I yearned for one scene of Superman about to
take off and the Williams score thundering in the background. The one thing Lucas did right is include the
same Williams score in everything Star Wars.
The music becomes part of the brand, and the Superman score is not
something that should cast aside. My
wife can’t tell you who sings any songs that come on the radio—nor does she
care for or know anything about Superman—but ask her to hum the Superman theme,
and she’ll do so in the drop of a hat. The
Williams score is that memorable—that powerful.
THE WHOLE “JESUS
CHRIST” THING:
There
are Christian themes running throughout this movie: Clark stating his 33 years
of age, Clark going into a church, and oh my goodness…Clark getting advice from
a Priest. If you read some of the other
reviews, they spewed paragraphs about these scenes being unnecessary. And how having Clark framed in the same scene
as a stained-glass picture of Jesus, just bothered them to no end. And do you know what I think? So what?
It’s
amazing how these so-called star reviewers can let a full minute of
Christianity get in the way of their professionalism, so much so, that they
give the movie a terrible grade. Sad to
think this is where we stand, that a movie’s plot, pacing, or acting will take
a back-seat to some religious scenes. Oh
well, we can’t all be elitists, now can we?
"I'm telling you...they're totally laughing at us from behind there. Hey, hey--I can see you jack-asses!"
RANDOM
SILLINESS:
Injections
of product placement make their way into the film, making me chuckle because
Superman smashing his way through an IHOP is funny. Other products pop-up here and there, and
seem misplaced, but don’t let it ruin your experience.
Now,
Jor-El riding a frigging four-winged dragon…well, that’s just plain silliness isn’t it? Where the hell did this come
from? Did I miss an issue of Superman’s
backstory where Jor-El went back in time to fight dinosaurs or something? Either way, it’s there…so feel free to crack-up
hysterically or scratch your head in confusion.
For
extra laughs, head to a review that slammed the movie. Not because of the review, but for the
diehard Superman fans, ripping into the reviewer. If you’re lucky, you’ll find one where the
reviewer tries to defend himself in the comments, only to allow more blows to
the groin from the readers. Priceless.
"What? You never saw a Kryptonian riding a giant dragonfly before?"
*flicks cigarette at viewer's face*
"Pfft. Don't make me laugh."
RECOMMENDED
READING: (for
those you have never experienced written Kal-El)
All-Star
Superman
Superman:
Birthright
Superman:
Secret Identity
Death
of Superman
Superman:
Brainiac
Yeah...it's still standing the test of time.
CONCLUSION:
Man
of Steel is loud, action-packed, and misses the character mark in some cases,
but not enough to hurt the film in any way.
It’s exactly what you’d expect from a big-budget comic book
license. So don’t let any of the bad
reviews stop you from seeing it.
If you enjoy comic books or Superman, this film is a no-brainer. On the flip side, don’t let the perfect 10
out of 10 reviews get your hopes up too much either. If we
let little grievances ruin our Superman stories, we’ll never be happy. I’m just thankful the Big Blue Boy Scout
graced the screen again, in all updated special-effect glory. Man of Steel is a good Superman movie, just
maybe not the one we deserve—yet.
3.75
out of 5 stars (minus 1 star for the
character misinterpretation and a ¼ star for the missing Williams score)
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