Escape
Plan's aging actors, questionable dialogue, and very odd casting are all mended
together using a decent premise, much like a six year old would attempt to make the perfect sphere out of Lego and Silly Putty.
Day 37: "I still remain without friends. They won't let me play in any games during recess, and a giant
man stole my milk money. I'm determined to make it, but I'm worried about this fork running out of ink..."
STORY:
Ray
Breslin (Sylvester Stallone) has an amazing ability to break out of high
security prisons. When the dream job
comes along—breaking out of a privately funded, off-the-grid CIA institution—he
can't seem to turn it down, even if all the rules he uses to run his business
are being flushed down the toilet. With
half-chewed bread, wet toilet paper, and broken glasses at his disposable, Ray
sets off like MacGyver to foil his incarceration. But when the typical job turns sour, he'll
have to befriend some of society's undesirables to claim freedom. Random stabbings, uneven eyebrows, educated
guesses, garden-hose water-boarding, and slurred speech ensue.
"I'm telling you, Mickey Mouse was the President in the eighties. Sometimes it comes in a blur--from all the
drugs back then, ya know--but I'm pretty sure."
"That's a relief. I always thought it was the Road Runner."
THOUGHTS:
The
first obstacle to overcome is the movie's premise. If you read the above and said, "Eh", or began to fantasize about
new bathroom color swatches, then maybe this isn't the movie for you. If you think a dude who breaks out of prisons
for a living is cool, or you perhaps once dreamt of making papier-mâché dummies
like Clint Eastwood in Escape from Alcatraz, then grab the popcorn, turn down
the lights, and strap in for a middle-of-the-road action movie with a side of
aged-Schwarzenegger.
The
second and final obstacle, you may have to hurdle are the actors. Stallone is the movie's bread and butter,
appearing in almost every scene. His
archaic muscled veins and out-of-proportion head will make you—at times—have to
look away, but at age 125, he still seems to be getting the job done. There are instances where the film could have
applied a tad more emotion or backstory, because getting to know the character
of Ray Breslin before he's tagged and bagged, can prove difficult. A slight problem may also occur when you
realize the writers are trying to pass Stallone off as super intelligent in the
film, because remnants of him bouncing a racket ball and saying, "Ya know," may still linger. Even if he doesn't make you want to sing
"Eye of Tiger" this time around, he's still at the top of the casting
ladder here.
"At one point, ya know, I actually like had a family and money, ya know."
"Sure, Rock, I know. I know. Can you do me a favor? Can you can stop following me now?"
Arnold
Schwarzenegger spends most of the film asking annoying questions. You know that kid in high school who would
not leave you alone after you accidentally helped him in some way? He's like that, buzzing around Stallone
asking one question after another. And
the banter between the two ancient actioneers will hark back to old men
sitting on a park bench. All that's
missing are a few pigeons and some bread crumbs. He's also tasked with having some the most
absurd lines in the film like, "Sometimes
favors hurt," or "You hit
like a vegetarian." In the end
though, both Stallone and Schwarzenegger almost look like they still have it.
"Not sure if I don't understand words...or I don't speak American."
A
smidgen of other actors show up too, if only to progress the plot. Vincent D'Onofrio plays Lester Clark, Ray's
rambling overweight partner, who may or may not have a few tricks up his
sleeve. Amy Ryan appears in the film a
little here and a little there. Sam
Neill takes a break from Dino hunting and plays a doctor who stands by his
oath. And the exquisite 50 Cent, blends
perfectly into the role of nerdy super-computer whiz, showering you with more
nods and wide smiles than dialogue. But
the only person the casting department seems to have lucked out on is Jim
Caviezel.
Caviezel
plays Hobbes, the cold-hearted warden of the secret institution. Every time he's on screen he steals the
show. Not even the mighty Stallone can
overcome Caviezel's acting, even if it's just a cookie-cutter bad guy being
portrayed. With hardened facial
expressions, slimy pronunciations, and devilish eye twitches, you feel nothing
but uncaring evil from his character. If
you enjoy his role in Person of Interest, then you're going to hate him
here. And that's when you know the
acting is superb: when the same person can make you love them in one role and
hate them in another.
The
prison facility has a slight Sci-Fi angle to the design, which adds eye candy
to the film, but helps the geriatric actors pop out like they've been cut and
pasted atop a student's collage.
Fortunately, even with the cast and simple dialogue, everything seems
perfectly mended together by the premise and decent plot. You'll get a few twists thrown your way, a
couple of scenes reminiscent of Commando and Predator, and at the very least, a
taste of suspense. It's a typical
mediocre action thriller that slows in the middle and picks up by the end. There's even the predictable one on one who's-the-bigger-actor fight, but by the
time that rolls around, you'll be too far in and too far comfortable to even
think about shifting in your seat and hitting the stop button.
"It was just a chicken, ya know! Nobody said we couldn't eat a chicken! I caught it myself!"
"Waaaa..."
"Jesus, Arnold, if you don't stop crying, you'll end up pissing yourself again."
CONCLUSION:
Viewing
Escape Plan may make you yearn for a 1980's action flick, but there's still a
salvageable story hiding somewhere within the mediocrity. The characters aren't really flushed out—some
could have been dropped completely—but watching Stallone rally the troops and
fight evil will never become stale. (Is it time for another Rambo yet?) The aging actors have lost some of their
shine and the cameras could have pulled back a couple of feet, but as they say,
"Everyone gets old." Escape Plan might not hold a permanent spot
in your movie collection, but it'll definitely garner a rented one…if Stallone
and Schwarzenegger are your cup of perfectly blended steroid-tea.
3.5
out of 5 stars (minus one and a half
stars for paper thin characters and slightly bad casting)
