Tony
Stark is back and this time he's bigger (not
really), badder (debatable), and
comes jam packed with more fireworks (this
unfortunately is true).
Coming
off the tragedy that was Iron Man 2, this film will allow you to breathe a
little better, not having the stench of such a terrible story-line groping your
nostrils. But is it better than the
first Iron Man? No way. There are hints and throw-backs to the very
first film, but this one is in no way able to compare. It does however wrap up the trilogy nicely—that's
of course if you never ask yourself the question: "Why."
"Umm...Mr. Downey, we're gonna need you to come down now. Look, Iron Man 2
really wasn't that bad."
STORY:
Tony
being the egotistical maniac that he is decides to play a prank back in 1999
and that small, itsy bitsy little prank causes a huge problem years later for
the Starkster. A terrorist starts
blowing up all kinds of crap, and it’s up to only Iron Man and his lap dog, War
Machine—oops, I mean Iron Patriot—to save the day. Metal hilarity ensues.
THOUGHTS:
You
might have a little problem. You might
be one of those people that always ask the question why, while you're viewing a
movie. If you are, Iron Man 3 might make
you pull your hair out, shave your eyebrows, or worse…throw away all your
coveted Jersey Shore DVD's. Luckily, my
frustration didn't reach that far, and I'm happy to say my entire Snooki collection of junk is safe and sound, buried in my backyard.
There
are more holes in Iron Man 3's plot than a block of finely aged Swiss
cheese. But before you get pissed off,
know that if you just "go with it"
and let everything slide, you can still enjoy the movie.
"I'm not gonna lie to ya--I can't seem to get the hell out of this armor. Help."
It
has explosions. It has suits of
armor. And it has sarcastic dialogue
that only Robert Downey Jr. can pull off.
So why isn't it awesome? Because
there's a ton of crap the writers just decided either wasn't necessary or hoped
the audience would just forget. Now,
granted, this is a fictional universe where a man in a shiny suit can fly
around and damage more of his own property than anything else, but even in
fantasy your frigging plot has to add up, and this one doesn't.
The
beginning starts off post NY events with the Avengers. At least there's a continuum here. Most of the comedy bits and dialogue seemed
aimed at the younger audience (the whole
metal to the groin thing) and made it feel like they're repeating some
things we've already seen. How many
times can you possibly show the suit walking around Tony's house doing mundane
things and it not become old? On the
plus side, Happy Hogan (Jon Favreau) has more screen time and it’s much
appreciated. His character was really
the only character that felt fresh, with humorous dialogue and great
mannerisms. Seeing things in Happy's
eyes gave a new perspective on the Stark world, and it was a welcome departure.
"Hey Tony, you didn't let anyone else pack your suitcase for you...did you?"
Then
you meet the Mandarin (Ben Kingsley).
Dum dum dummmmm. He’s painted as
the perfect knock-off of Osama Bin Laden.
Yes, he does somewhat look like the comic book character, but still,
with the videos and scenes the movie shows, I couldn't help but see OBL inside
there. The character is almost a
throwaway, but given the great scenes Kingsley has about half-way through, the
Mandarin is worth the inclusion. The
real die-hard comic fanatics will have a field day with this, but I don't want
to spoil anything here. Kingsley played
a great role, and after you've seen the movie, he will be the one character
you'll be talking about the most.
Kingsley shows off his ferocity by stroking his beard for three hours.
Guy
Pearce really enjoyed his time on screen and held his own with the great
RDJ. He plays Aldrich Killian, a slightly
jaded man with revenge running through his veins, among other things. Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow) had some more
bad-ass scenes this time around, but not as many as I expected.
After much deliberations, Marvel decided to remove the sex scene to obtain a PG-13 rating.
War
Machine (Don Cheadle) or Iron Patriot now—since the new American red, white,
and blue paint job—was always a sore spot with me...even in the comics. But in the movies he just seems like a waste
of time and robot. Tony Stark after
finding out all the bad crap his weapons manufacturing did, decides to go
"green" and save the
earth. He also decides that no one
should have the power of his suits because they could be used as a weapon—especially
governments. But Rhodes gets to run
around in an Iron Man suit and do all the government's bidding? Imagine having another guy run around dressed
exactly like Batman with all his gadgets—what the hell would you need Batman
for then? There should be only one Iron
Man—Tony Stark. Did the character play
an important role in the movie? They
wrote it in that way, but in reality, Rhodes and the suit caused more harm than
good and with all of Tony's new toys (the
spectacle at the end), Iron Patriot could have been dropped completely.
"Man, I just let one go...and now that smell will be trapped in here for at least a week."
The
middle road of the movie tries to get back to the roots of the Iron Man
character, but the whole stripping-Tony-down-to-his-bare-bones
only works if the ending didn't happen the way it did. Having Tony lay-low and talk to actual
middle-class people was a nice touch, but the whole reason behind all that is
just a major plot hole.
In
the usual fashion the ending is one major movie sequence after another and
everything seems to go out with a bang.
Like I said—if you check logic at the door, than this movie will be
quite fun and enjoyable. If you expect
reasoning behind things, or even explanations—like how exactly the Extremis
really works—than you'll be one sour puss leaving the theater.
After years of denial, Mr. Downey finally faced facts. Him and the Iron Man suit now go
to counseling twice a week.
>>>SPOILERS
& SOME PLOT HOLES: (Don't act
like you don't know what that means!)
Alright,
so Tony seems to be the real villain here for leaving Killian on a roof for an
hour. If that didn't happen, none of the
events in this movie would have taken place, right? They should have literally cut that whole
flash-back out and just had Killian as competition, instead of another personal
vendetta. I've had friends leave me
hanging for longer than that, and I have a simple reaction: you snatch them up
by the throat and tell them not to do it again at least for another month, and
all is well. Now, if you come to find
out your friend got laid, and that was the reason he didn't show up (the same thing Tony was doing) you
congratulate him, suck it up, and move on.
Another
thing that made no frigging sense: Tony spends time in some kid's garage
waiting for the M42 to charge (which also
is ridiculous because the ARC Reactor in his chest powers the damn thing)
when he had, what—20 free flying suits hiding in the basement of his house that
only show up for the ending?
Also,
you know how they showed he had built-up stress from the NY events? Well, who gives a crap? His anxiety never showed up in battle. It was only when people asked for autographs
or said the words New and York in the same sentence.
And
one more thing: what the hell was Tony…Oh, screw it. There were many more plot holes and to tell
you the truth, I don't have the time or energy to list them all here. I'm sure there's whole websites out there
dedicated to this nonsense, so I'll stop now, and let you move on with your
life.
>>>END
OF SPOILERS<<<
After spending days in the same position, unable to flip himself over, Iron Man discovers
his one weakest: falling on his back.
CONCLUSION:
Iron
Man 3 is a romping ride, filled with adrenaline, explosions, silly
crotch-smacking jokes and amazing sets.
If you're looking for pure popcorn fun, this is your movie. If you're looking for a little more plot
twist and logic, you might have a tough time getting this one to go down. All in all, Iron Man 3 is exactly what you'd
expect: a loud thoughtless ride with more fun than story structure.
3
out of 5 stars (minus a star for the plot
holes & another for the same reason)
No comments:
Post a Comment