Video Game Review - Batman: Arkham Knight

A Game Review by Hank:

Two kinds of gamers play Batman: one that just loves the character and wants to experience a Batman story first-hand…and another that wants to become the ultimate Dark Knight and 100% the game and challenges.  While the former gamer should be content with the Arkham Knight story, the latter gamer might find the video game lacking in several areas.  But one thing is for certain, as of this moment, this is Rocksteady Studios’ last hurrah in the Batman universe and they didn't hold back in terms of size or story.

"When I asked you to surprise Barbara on her birthday, leaving the Joker bound and gagged 

in her closet was not what I had in mind."

"Sorry, Jim, but that was the only thing I had on hand that could be wrapped in such short notice." 

STORY:

All is well in the city of Gotham until the Scarecrow decides he wants to unleash a humongous bomb filled with his latest batch of fear toxin on the entire city.  This brings about mass hysteria as every last citizen attempts to depart the city, leaving behind only the GCPD, every villain, and Bats.  What follows is the Batman trying to clean up every square inch of Gotham in one very long night.

If you're looking to play Batman: Arkham Knight for the story, then you're in good hands.  Rocksteady didn't pull any punches throughout.  You'll get twists, excitement, drama, tie-ins to comic book stories, action, and if you like the Joker…a truck load of humor.  Without all the side quests and mini games and riddles thrown about the gigantic Gotham, the main story will take around 12 hours to complete.  And it picks up after the events of Arkham City, so if you haven't finished that game, it's highly recommended you do so before diving into this one.  The main protagonist in Batman: Arkham Knight is the Scarecrow, but there's also another main villain thrown in for kicks, and that's the Arkham Knight.  The Knight is like Batman in a lot of ways, except he doesn't care about taking a life.  You may think the reveal of the character is the highlight of game, but the sad thing is it's a letdown when you finally do find out who it is.  And that's a shame.  But the build-up until that point is excellent, so just try to enjoy the ride before it ends. 

Now if you're wondering if that hurts the story, don't worry, there are still plenty of thrills and twists to be had while pounding baddies into the ground.  And the one thing Arkham Knight can be commended for is the balance of emotion.  You'll be sad one moment and the next be laughing like a hyena.  So be prepared to be tossed all over the place.  And the story is much darker than the previous titles because it dives into the mind of Batman.  His loves.  His fears.  And everything in between.  So even if you're not looking to 100% the game, you'll still get your money's worth in just the story alone. 

"When I say take it back, you take it back."

"Ow. Ow. Okay. Okay. I'm sorry for calling you Nightwing."

"I'm mean how hard is it to distinguish us? He doesn't have bat ears. I have the bat ears. Sheesh."

VOICE OVER AND DIALOGUE:

The Rocksteady Batman titles wouldn't be as great as they are without all the fantastic villains that show up to bother the Dark Knight.  But those villains wouldn't be half as much fun if it wasn't for the talent behind the voices.  Obviously, reclaiming the throne as the Batman is the unbelievable Kevin Conroy.  If you don't know who that is…shame on you.  (Take a week and watch Batman: The Animated Series and you'll understand.)  Is his dialogue perfect throughout?  No.  There are a lot of cheesy lines in the story.  But that doesn't mean his voice acting is terrible.  He's one of the best Batmen out there.  So sit back and enjoy the greatness.  On top of that, the most famous Jedi, Mark Hamill, returns to lend his voice to the Joker once more.  If there's anyone that steals the show, it's him.  He is the highlight throughout the story and when he doesn't show up you'll actually miss his ridiculousness.  And the Joker has one of the biggest moments of the game where his vocals come into play and it is glorious.  Besides the two big names, the rest of the voice acting is excellent also.  John Noble as the sinister Scarecrow and Tara Strong as the hilarious Harley Quinn both give standout performances in their respected roles.  While the rest of cast, Troy Baker included, help support the magnificence happening everywhere else.

GRAPHICS AND DESIGN:

There is no doubt about it, Arkham Knight, is one slick looking game.  From the city streets to the sewers to the interior of buildings, Rocksteady knows the Batman universe and has represented it stupendously.  And with the humongous size of Gotham, you'd think there'd be some loading screens as you traveled around the city from one island to the next.  Nope.  Driving couldn't be smoother, while gliding through the air and taking in the beautiful sights is more fun than it should be.  And character designs are unbelievable looking.  Batman's suit, once again, is one of the best looking designs for the character you'll ever see.  The sexy women of the DC universe are gorgeous and when it comes down to creepy, the design of the Scarecrow is frigging horrendously perfect.  No one has been able to capture DC like Rocksteady's design department and just the aesthetics alone are enough to make you want to play the game.

UPGRADES GALORE:

Upgrades to Wayne Technology have returned in a big way.  If you liked upgrading the Batman in the previous titles than you'll love Arkham Knight, because there's so much to upgrade in this game you might actually get lost in the menus.  You can upgrade the suit, combat, the way the car handles tank mode, the way the car handles driving, the grappling hook, or even the ability to use gadgets as you fly into your enemies.  Are all the upgrades necessary?  No.  The main story can be beaten without worrying too much about upgrades, but if you want 100% completion and the true ending, then upgrades should be selected cautiously.  At times it can feel overwhelming with every menu available, but an overdose of upgrades is better than no upgrades at all.  So if you’re looking to build your ultimate Dark Knight, then fear not, all the customizing is at your fingertips.

"Batman, hold my hand."

"Seriously, Dick?  I thought you outgrew that?" 

"I bet you still hold Robin's hand when he asks."

"Still playing favorites? This is why I broke up with you."

"What? I broke up with--"

"Enough! Give me your hand."

GAMEPLAY AND COMBAT:

Everything you remember from Arkham City, the tremendous group fights, brain-hurting Riddler puzzles, grappling hooks, gadgets, stealth takedowns, and even detective mode...is brought back in Arkham Knight, with some parts even grander than you remember.  The button configurations are balanced and the Dark Knight reacts to your movements smoothly 99% of the time.  Occasionally you will have Bats accidentally fall off a wall or get trapped behind a trash can, but it’s a huge game and silliness from time to time will happen.  But no Batman game would be complete without hordes of foes to slap around.  This time you’ll have the ogre types which require stomach pounding, medics that’ll revive fallen baddies, ninjas that’ll cut you up and even grunts with shock sticks.  Each new foe helps ramp up the combat and make it required that you actually pay attention to what you're doing when facing thirty men at the same time.  If not, it is lights out for Bats and you’ll be starting all over again.  Now, are there parts where Bats will occasionally punch the wrong guy, wiping your multiplier?  Yep.  Is it frustrating?  Yep.  Is it enough to make you quit the game?  No.  In fact, with a little patience and probably a couple of do-overs, you'll move through the main story without throwing the controller or pulling out all your hair.   

Adding to the fun of kicking everyone's ass are duel combat sequences.  Bats will team up with Robin, Nightwing, or Catwoman to bring down waves of enemies.  The sequences aren't a major part of the game, but they do help freshen up the combat and make it a tad gentler on your multiplier.  You can even switch effortlessly between the two characters during these battles which allows you to get a feel for different fighting styles.

The only thing that might be a downer for some is the disappearance of boss battles in the game.  Sure you’ll kind of face off against the Arkham Knight, but nothing compares to the one on one boss battles of Arkham City and Asylum.  Does this hurt the narrative?  No.  Because most of the face-offs are done in cut scenes and the story will just play out.  So if you're one of the gamers that loved boss battles from the previous titles, then you might be heavily disappointed.  But that’s alright, because filling that gap is Gotham's most wanted: a series of side missions for your Batjoyment.

"Ivy, I just want you to know that--"

"You've always loved me, Batman?"

"--I analyzed that rash you have on 70% of your body. 9/10 dermatologists recommend 

Calamine lotion and some type of steroid."

SIDE MISSIONS & CHALLENGE MAPS:

It’s true…Batman: Arkham Knight is riddled with side missions.  They are everywhere. You get to choose from taking down the Riddler by driving along his many Batmobile courses or solving his brain-crushing riddles, to stopping bank robberies, fighting the Man-Bat, blowing up the Penguin's money, saving firefighters, bomb disposal, to even finding a serial killer and more.  So there are numerous activities in Gotham that will keep any gamer busy.  And to get the true ending of game (the one after the main story is over) you have to 100% it.  This could take a very long time considering how much help you receive along the way.  On the plus side these missions are fun and go along with the narrative of the story being told.  The downside is they can't be played through in one whole arc.  Instead, you're teased with a side mission and then you’ll have to wait until you complete more of the main mission to finish it.  But the real question is…why?  Why, in 2015 are gamers still subject to parts of a map that aren't accessible?  Within Gotham, you basically can't go everywhere with the Batmobile until unlocking all the bridges.  And the only way to do that is by playing the main story.  So what happens is you get excited about a side mission, but then get literally road blocked from continuing it.  You might even go onto the main story and forget all about that side mission you obtained an hour ago.  This is the only part of the game that ruins pacing.  If a gamer decides he wants to play through a side mission before going on to anything else, why doesn’t he have that choice?  Why does he have to play the main story to unlock certain areas?  Aren’t we in a time of gaming where you should be able to tell your own Dark Knight story and weave your own path?  Oh well…at least there are plenty of side missions to be had, even if you have to wait till the end to do them.

If it feels like the game is weighted down by side missions, then it’ll feel lightened in the challenge map department.  There are only a few different maps among the challenges and after a while they become slightly repetitive.  It seems the meat of the content was sunk into side missions.  Does this hurt Arkham Knight?  Only if challenge maps were a big part of the Batman games for you.  If you respond more toward the story, then this shouldn’t bother you in the least.  If you’re looking for more content once the main story and side missions are over, then you’ll probably take to the internet for some raging with fellow challenge map lovers.

THE BATMOBILE:

In almost every mission of the game the Batmobile is needed.  Now, the inclusion of the vehicle is unbelievably awesome.  Spinning donuts or ramming into brick walls and watching them crumble is fantastic.  But having the need for the car in basically the entire story might be a sore spot for gamers that loved the previous Rocksteady titles.  If you're not familiar with the gameplay, the Batmobile can turn into a tank like vehicle and blow the crap out of air and ground drones throughout the game.  It's also used to access inaccessible areas of Gotham by using a wench and maneuvering the vehicle over obstacles.  In other words, the car becomes the other playable character in Arkham Knight.  And that wouldn't be so bad if you had a choice to use it or not.  But the problem lies in being forced to use it throughout the game.  It's needed almost everywhere.  So if you like the Batmobile, then you'll love this game.  If you see it somewhat as a nuisance…then you might have a humongous problem with Arkham Knight.  Either way, you're stuck with it throughout and have to make the best of it.  So in between chasing down foes and blowing up drones, take the time to enjoy the car by smashing into everything you can and spinning a few donuts in the GCPD’s parking lot for laughs.

"Fellow officers, there's only one man that could make this suicide run and bring back what we need."

"Oracle, send me the location of the closest Dunkin Donuts." 

CONCLUSION:

Batman: Arkham Knight is a fantastic end to a great Batman run by Rocksteady.  They brought graphics, increased the gameplay, upgraded the map, added a vehicle, and even kept the proper voice talent throughout.  With only a few minor gripes on side missions, challenge maps, and the continuous use of the Batmobile, Arkham Knight still brings the goods in terms of story and overall twists and turns.  This puts Batman: Arkham Knight easily in the running for P&P’s 2015 game of the year.  So if you enjoyed the previous Rocksteady outings of Batman, then don’t think twice about picking this up. 

4 out of 5 Stars (minus a star for stunted side missions, a forced Batmobile, and the Arkham Knight reveal)

Writer & Editor: Hank – Twitter / Twitch

P&P's 2014 Year in Review

Sometimes fondling a video game or zoning out to a great movie is the only way to quell the thoughts of how insipid life can be.  And with another year down the drain, it's easy to forget just what fantastic and/or terrible entertainment you suffered through.  But not to worry my friends, P&P is here to rummage through 2014's landfill.

In this shot, a little known actor, sums up the feeling towards 2014 perfectly.

(Idiot making face. Circa 2014)

MOVIES:

No year is complete if trash didn't make its way to the theater.  Whether movies flunked Plot Writing 101 or the acting just plain sucked, the turds of 2014 all fall in the same category: toxic waste.  The biggest failure this year was The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  Michael Bay and Company showed the world exactly what not to do with any beloved 80’s franchise.  Not only did the movie cast one of Hollywood’s greatest actresses (Megan Fox), it also took beloved character designs and flushed them down the toilet.  Way to go Bay, hopefully the next TMNT movie (yes they’re making another) is just as good as the first.  But Bay wasn’t satisfied with just one turd, he also brought Transformers: Age of Extinction to theaters, only to have Mark Walhberg ridiculed because he happened to find Optimus Prime lying in a trash dump.

Now, not all box-office blunders were led by Bay and his script-inept friends.  No, other movies committed plot suicide too.  Surprisingly, leading the way was The Amazing Spiderman 2.  How could a movie starring the famed Spiderman do so poorly?  By injecting the plot with a crap-ton of villains and not having an ending.  Usually one or the other is sufficient enough to create garbage, but The Amazing Spiderman 2 took full advantage of both.  Well done Sony.  And speaking of Sony, The Interview will go down in history as the smoking hot infamous turd.  After cancelling and then releasing to only VOD’s, people around the world expected this film to be insightful, intelligent, and a giant kick-in-the-balls to North Korea.  Instead, viewers were treated to another bland so-called comedy starring Seth Rogen as…Seth Rogen.

In this shot, we're are shown what happens when a beloved franchise goes awry. 

(Terrible idea. Circa 2014)

There were other movies that came and went just like a hot silent fart.  Sex Tape graced theaters for a moment before disappearing into obscurity.  A Million Ways to Die in the West saw Seth MacFarlane jumping from the Family Guy to big-budget blockbuster.  The only problem was Seth used too many jokes from the cartoon and the most humorous dialogue seemed to never, ever end.  Dumb and Dumber To, a comedy that returned 20 years too late, arrived in theaters and no one gave a sh*t.  A movie starring Aaron Eckhart called I, Frankenstein snuck its way into cinemas to play for about three people.  And those same three people are still wondering what Eskrima is and why the movie had Frankenstein in the title.  Sin City 2 happened and no one cared, while another Adam Sandler film (Blended) was created that people hated. And finally, a sucky animated film called The Nut Job occurred and another story of Dracula was retold in Dracula Untold.  There were plenty more piles of crap this year, but who’s got that kind of time?

The upside to all the trash is the jewels that found their way into movie-goer’s hearts.  This year has been monumental for Chris Pratt.  Not only did he defy movie physics once, but the man did it twice.  First up was his hour and a half toy commercial called The Lego Movie.  Pratt voiced an ordinary construction worker Lego man that brought tears to many eyes from laughter.  Shooting even farther into stardom, Pratt also starred as Peter Quill in Marvel’s The Guardians of the Galaxy.  This film shocked the box office, not only with numbers, but also with fantastic music, hilarious dialogue, and a great story based on little to unknown Marvel characters.  Well done, Mr. Pratt. 

In this shot, we see an actor whose ass has been set aflame from tremendous acting skills. 

(What awesomeness looks like. Circa 2014)

Again, Jake Gyllenhaal dove into a smaller production called Nightcrawler (a movie that still has people thinking it’s part of the X-men franchise) and knocked the role out of the park.  Captain America, Chris Evans, shocked audiences everywhere playing the title role in a Sci-Fi film called Snowpiercer, where his charismatic acting was only out-done by the movie’s fantastically designed speeding train.  The X-men franchise returned with a refreshing story in Days of Future Past, and Andy Serkis rocked the world with his acting in Dawn of the Planet of the Apes.  Animated films remained awesome with both How to Train Your Dragon 2 and Big Hero 6.  But the biggest news of 2014 is the comeback of the real Batman, Michael Keaton as Riggan Thomson in Birdman.

In this shot, we see what Batman does on Sundays when the Joker takes off.  

(Batman reading paper. Circa 2014)

VIDEO GAMES:

Shh…let’s not mention the mediocre year videogames had.  Wait…what?  This is P&P, of course we’re going to mention how messed up and ridiculous the videogame market was this past year.  2014 will be known as the year of re-masters, let-downs, and broke titles. 

Let’s jump right into the crap with Ubisoft’s crown jewel Assassin’s Creed Unity.  Only Ubisoft can release a broken game to the masses and then say, “We didn’t know it was so sh*tty until we released it.”  Luckily, for gamers, if you happened to buy this steaming pile of filth, you’ll be rewarded with free DLC.  For those that bought the season pass (which hopefully people will never do again from Ubisoft) you get a free game—as long as you agree not to sue Ubisoft.  Thanks Ubisoft.  You’re awesome.  Also damaged right out of the gate was—gasp—Halo: The Master Chief Collection.  Say it isn’t so!  Sorry Microsoft fanboys.  Your game was crap.  But just like Ubisoft, 343 will be offering a free game: ODST.  Not to be outdone, Sony released—wait, scratch that—Sony didn’t release the free PS version of DriveClub because it doesn’t work at all.  Not even slightly playable.  Hmm…and there’s people that bought the full sixty dollar version too.  The only difference is Sony offered up just a “sorry” instead of a free game.  Oops.

This shot shows the ramifications of missing a zero during development.

(Broken game / hilarious glitch. Circa 2014) 

2014 was supposed to be the year of next-gen gaming.  These games were going to blow our minds.  Knock our socks off.  And even make Gamers everywhere drop their pants and start to fap right there in the gaming aisle.  Instead Gamers were left frustrated, aggravated, and stunned because of all the giant let-downs that flooded the market.  The biggest piece of crap-hype was Destiny, Bungie and Activision's half a billion dollar cash grab.  Of course, there are millions of players from around the world that still defend the title, screaming about Destiny’s awesome story and fantastic luck driven level-up system.  But no matter how you shake it, the game did not live up to the hype built around it.  Sorry.  Deal with it.  Pretty good shooting mechanics though.  But before Destiny traumatized the gaming world with a story about nothing, another game released much earlier also with a confusing/boring story.  Watch Dogs: only game you could essentially catch an NPC spanking it to virtual porn.  Yes, Watch Dogs’ gameplay was tickled early on with unbelievable graphics and smoke effects.  But what released was less impressive than the last generation GTA 5.  Most Gamers still played Watch Dogs, but the title was soon forgotten when Destiny’s mess hit headlines.  Also upsetting after release, were the mediocre scores given to Alien: Isolation for its very long and winded retreading of the same areas, and Infamous: Second Son for not delivering a compelling main character or story.  On the bottom of the list was Murdered: Soul Suspect, a detective adventure that had a promising premise (a soul attempting to solve its own murder), but sadly, the game ended up being nothing more than a middle-of-the-road slopper.  Also disturbing was the amount of re-masters that hit the shelves this year.  Some of gaming’s highlights were GTA 5, TheLast of Us, both Metro games, and of course…The Halo collection.

In this shot, we see what happens to Gamers when they ask about missing effects in game releases.

(Developer beating Gamer. Circa 2014)

But relax fellow joystick fondler.  2014 was also a year of surprises.  Games that people didn’t know would be great, turned out fantastic and new franchises that no one played, happened to be awesome.  Leading the charge of sequel awesomeness and game of the year awards was Dragon Age: Inquisition.  The Bioware title promised a huge map, long dialogue trees, an expansive story, and so much to do that you’ll have to quit your job and live off your parents…at least for a few months.  Did people actually beat this game?  Silly gamer.  A Bioware game cannot be beaten.  It can only be played.  Another sequel, Far Cry 4, shocked gamers by one: actually working (it’s a Ubisoft title) and two: being extremely fun and addictive.  But the crown for most sequels ever goes to Nintendo for its eighth iteration of Mario Kart, which made fake girl-gamers everywhere, that much more sexy by playing it.  Nintendo also released Bayonetta 2, making 12 year old boys cream in their pants, and Super Smash Bros. (short for brothers, please stop saying Bros) for Wii U, which continues to be a fun multiplayer mess for beer parties.

In this shot, we see what happens when an actor has done all there is in Hollywood.

(Alarming Realism. Circa 2014) 

Surprises!  Surprises everywhere!  Skeptic people were flabbergasted by how much fun Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare’s campaign and multiplayer was.  Does it have something to do with the voice talent Troy Baker or Kevin Spacey?  Eh…whatever.  Middle-Earth: Shadow of Mordor became the AC game everyone was looking for.  With its nemesis system, awesome stealth, and the ability to blow up heads while sword fighting, Shadow of Mordor worked its way quickly into gamer hearts.  If only it wasn’t set in Lord of the Rings mythology more people would’ve played it.  South Park: The Stick of Truth proved a cartoon can become a gaming legend (as long as the show’s creators are heavily involved in the making), and Sunset Overdrive, a new idea/franchise from Insomniac Games was a crazy/whimsical/amazing game that almost no one played.  But the highlight of 2014, were the smaller games.  There are plenty that quelled the woes of humdrum AAA titles, but two became giants: Shovel Knight, which brought back the feeling of 1980 greatness and Child of Light, a smaller title from—cough—Ubisoft that surprised everyone with its new RPG fighting system and unbelievable art direction.

This shot shows us what happens when you produce great animations, but forget to make the game work.

(Muddled Priorities. Circa 2014)

THE FUTURE:

You may be the type of person who has watched every movie on the list above and still desires more.  If that's the case, 2015 is on its way. Films like The Avengers: Age of Ultron, Jurassic World, Terminator: Genisys (you’re kidding, right?  Nope), The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2 (if only they could make ten more of these movies…if only), The Hateful 8, SPECTRE, Furious 7, the soccer mom porno: Fifty Shades of Grey, and the humongous Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (let the fapping begin).

If games are your thing, here's a few to stimulate your naughty bits: Final Fantasy 85 or 15 or 19 returns or whatever, Uncharted 4, The Order: 1886, The Witcher 3, Bloodborne, No Man’s Sky, Rainbow Six: Siege, Batman: Arkham Knight, Scalebound, Crackdown, Quantum Break, Dying Light, Rise of the Tomb Raider, Star Wars: Battlefront, Halo 5, The Division, Legend of Zelda-Wii U, Metal Gear Solid V, and Mortal Kombat X.

Now…P&P knows how much fun it is to dream about and even crave the future, but never forget to always make the best of today.  See you next year.  Happy New Year from Prose and Postulations!

DVD Movie Review - The Lego Movie

The Lego Movie bursts onto the screen with more action, more color, more laughs, and more life than most animated features put together.

"Dammit, Diana!  Don't you dare snap a photo."

*click*

"If you're even thinking of putting that up on Facebook, I--"

"You'll what?  Uploading..."

"I will NOT be your friend anymore."

STORY:

Emmet Brickowoski (Chris Pratt) is your ordinary Lego-man construction worker that follows all the rules and has absolutely nothing special about him.  That's until his dull life leads him down a hole and forces him to become the key to saving the Lego universe from Lord Business (Will Ferrell).  Bat puns, movie parodies, political jokes, the Kragle, and the most ear-worming song ever created in the history of melodic sound, ensues.

"One more outburst from either of you, and I'm turning this thing around."

THOUGHTS:

Lego, a child's construction toy, gathered all the company’s executives and decided the time was nigh to create an hour and half commercial—otherwise known as a movie—to sell their product.  And somehow the stars aligned, a butterfly flapped its wings, a volcano erupted, and a gang of writers pulled an entire script out of their asses…essentially by staring at a plastic brick.  Holy crap.  But not only did they create a script worthy of laugh-out-loud hysterics, they also infused it with hilarious parodies, Lego's biggest licenses, a plot that's action-packed, and clever hints to a bigger picture (which you'll understand once you see the ending).  And it's all wrapped up in a heart-warming family tale.  Brilliant.

After a brief, slightly confusing prologue (as the movie progresses it becomes clear), you're thrust head first into Emmet's world and taken on a roller coaster ride of excitement that doesn't stop until the credits roll.  And before you hit play for your child and walk out of the room to do adult stuff like play video games or sleep, stop and spend a few moments with the Lego Movie, you'll be thankful you did.  See, the writers not only knew how outrageous a movie based on a plastic brick would be, but they also knew that an animated film doesn't only have to cater to eight year olds and under.  This movie is saturated with underlining jokes that only adults will get, and most of the time you'll find yourself laughing more than the kids.  From Star Wars, to the old west, to political jabs, the writing never holds back.  And that really is what makes the Lego movie so efficient.  It knows how ridiculous a movie-commercial for a toy line is and the film uses that to its advantage. 

Why not show some of the more embarrassing toy ideas in Lego's past and make a joke about it?  Why not introduce Superman alongside Gandalf?  Why not show how goofy a mix-matched set of blocks really looks?  And most importantly…Why not have Batman parody himself throughout the entire movie?  The ammo for all these laughs is available.  The writers just had to know how to use it.  And they knocked it out of the park.

"Hahahaha...and right after I give them what they want, I'll slaughter every last one of them."

"That's a great plan, Sir, but why?"

"Why?  Because that's what bad guys do!  Now, go get me a coffee and don't forget about 

the non-fat soy milk.  It helps with my bowel movements."

THE VOICE ACTING:

The only way to create a Lego movie is to go all out by gathering top list actors.  Bolstering down Neeson, Freeman, Ferrell, Arnett, and the like is no easy task.  And each and every actor/actress doesn't hold back.  They throw everything they have into their respected roles, making the movie that much more enjoyable. 

The whole story rests on Chris Pratt's shoulders as he's the unlucky but likable protagonist.  Pratt delivers over-the-top dialogue with humorous flair in almost every line.  Will Ferrell was made for the roll of Lord Business.  He breathes comedic life into a tyrant without making you hate his guts.  Elizabeth Banks plays her best role to date.  You won't even recognize her as the leading lady, Wyldstyle, because of how much energy she injects into the character.  Morgan Freeman is solid as the all-knowing Vitruvius, and Liam Neeson shows his silly side by portraying Good cop/Bad cop.  But the star of the film rests with Will Arnett as Bats.  Whether Batman is attempting to throw his batarangs without any skill or is singing a song about being an orphan, he steals every scene.

"Emmet's right...I mean, he's an idiot, but sometimes even idiots have good ideas."

"Thanks, Batman."

"No problem, kid.  Now, go make me a sandwich."

WHO'LL HATE IT?

Adults that think animated features are those brief intermissions where a soft drink, popcorn, and assorted candies are singing, will probably be the same adults that do not put the Lego movie in their queue.  If you're a parent that has been wounded many times by the Lego brick to the foot, then you might have better things to do than watch this film.  Any parent that has had to listen to "Everything is awesome" sung by their child a thousand times in the six minutes following the film, will have nothing but loathing for this movie.  And finally, parents that were forcefully dragged to the toy store by their children after a dozen straight viewings to buy every piece of Lego adorning the shelves, might have a tough time digesting this film.

"Hey, I thought Batman didn't have time for a--"

"Mind your business, Kid.  It's not my fault I'm blessed with money, cool toys, and devastating good looks."

CONCLUSION:

With an amazing story, top-notch actors and actresses, parodies from across the board, Batman, and a child's favorite building toy, The Lego Movie crosses the commercial boundary and becomes an actual fun lighthearted film.  If animated features or toys in general don't appeal to the child within you, then you might want to handle The Lego Movie as if it's toxic waste.  For everyone else, The Lego Movie will spark creativity, laughter, and long forgotten childhood memories.  Just be prepared to run out to the store as soon as the movie ends to buy the kids a Lego kit or ten, because you'll never hear the end of it.  (A prepared parent will already have a Lego set ready and waiting before the film even starts.)  But no matter your age or plastic universe from which you hail, The Lego Movie will easily fit into any movie-goer's permanent collection.

4.5 out of 5 Stars (minus a ½ star for having to buy Lego sets after viewing)

Book Review - Brilliance

What do you get when mixing one part thriller, one part suspense, with a tad of Sci-Fi frosting?  Well, in a word: Brilliance.

STORY:

It's 1980 and along with bad hair, negotiable music, and super loud clothes, came children—approximately one percent of the population—who have an edge over normal society.  These children or "Brilliants" seem to have a knack for understanding data, picking up patterns, and seeing the world in numbers—much like Neo from the Matrix.  Among these Brilliants is man named Nick Cooper, a Federal Agent, who has quite the ability to hunt down his fellow Abnormals.  His latest target is the most wanted man in America, but catching this Brilliant comes at a cost.  Nick will have to turn his back on everything he believes in and loves just to get close.  Heightened perceptions, bombings, strategic moves, and a bit of Sci-Fi ensue.

"I caught my first tube today...Sir."

"Cut!  Damn it.  You have to let it go, Mr. Reeves.  Now let's try the scene again...maybe with 

a little less Johnny Utah?"

THOUGHTS:

Marcus Sakey's (Author) Brilliance can sit on Sci-Fi shelves, but its main genres are suspense and thriller.  Yes, there are "special" people running around, doing extraordinary things, but it isn't as crazy as you think.  The story stays grounded throughout most of the book, offering a plot more along the lines of any crime drama out there with twists and turns at every corner.  Nick Cooper (protagonist) is attempting to catch the number one terrorist in America and this is his story of how far he'll go to get the job done.  Does that mean Sci-Fi enthusiasts will hate it?  Not at all.  Just be prepared for a story that doesn't contain flying spaceships, talking droids, or even hover-boards.  This story takes place today with a slightly different past then we have now.  And these "Brilliants" aren't powered like the Justice League either.  Superman isn't giving orders while flying around the Earth, and Batman isn't saving Gotham by fighting large crocodiles and silly clowns.

"Man, one little shot of Kryptonite juice and you'd think I laser-beamed Lois' parents.  You know, we haven't flown together 

in months.  It's always, 'I have a headache, Clark' or 'I'm not in mood, Clark.'"

"I know, buddy.  I know.  Let's get you back to the cave to sober up.  Whad'ya say?" 

POWERS:

You might have seen the description of the novel and read about a female Brilliant who can become invisible.  First off, get Susan Storm out of your head, because she doesn't have the power of invisibility—it's more along the lines of cleverness.  In fact all the traits of every Brilliant are just increased brainpower—heightened intelligence if you would.  She's invisible because she can map out ahead of time where people are going to look or where cameras will be recording, and she'll happen to be somewhere else—hence "invisible."  Nick Cooper, on the other hand, has the ability to see patterns in body movement, which gives him an advantage when reading people or when in a fight (If you know exactly where a fist will be thrown, hopefully you're smart enough to not put your face in its way).  So if you want to see people with X-ray vision, dudes donning capes, or women with magical lassos, your best bet is to pick up a comic book.  But…before you go stomping off like a six year old that didn't get the new Barbie, there's much more to this story than its description.

"I hear you, but too many words confuse me.  Wait, crap.  Did I just say that out loud?"

WHY THE ABILITIES & ALTERNATE PAST?

The story begins in the 1980's with these "special" children being born and the nation becoming fascinated, yet scared of these abilities all at the same time.  Imagine if there were people who could write the code to break into any security or see the stock market as a simple game of numbers.  Any government would see them as a threat, but also as a great asset to have on their side.  And this is where the political undertones of the narrative come in.  Marcus Sakey may have written these Brilliants into the story because one: a little Sci-Fi is always fun to include in a plot.  And two: they're an easy way to avoid using a race (or religion) from today as a terrorist organization.  If an author happens to use people that actually exist, it will likely piss off a few—if not many—readers in the process.  But changing our history and making the conflict Normals versus Abnormals, you have an instant crowd pleaser, because everyone is fictional.  Is the book still somewhat political?  Sure.  There are underlining issues weaved throughout the text, making you analyze our own current situation, but only if you're really looking for them.

"I already told you, Bruce, I'm sober enough to fly.  Now will you please get that light out of my face."

MORE THOUGHTS:

Do yourself a favor and at least read part one of Brilliance.  If you hate it after those first hundred pages, then go ahead and chuck it at the book seller.  But you won't do that, because the story gets turned up to eleven by that point.  Part two begins the first change in the typical plot and it won't be the last.  When you first start reading the book, you'll think you have an inkling of where the story is headed, but where it ends is somewhere you'll never expect.

Brilliance also has a ton of heart.  The narrative has a lot to say about family values and the lengths you'll go to keep your children safe.  But having a family you love comes at a cost.  It's the perfect opportunity for someone to control your actions.  And this aspect of the tale brings immense depth to the main protagonist.  Nick Cooper not only wants to do what's right for his country, but he also wants to do what's right for his family and friends.  And when one contradicts the other, what choice do you make?

"Alright, same terms as last time:  Whoever loses has to dress up as Harley and spend an evening in Joker's cell."

"It's not as bad as you think, Bruce.  Last time, Joker, spent the entire night snuggled in my arms, talking about you."

CONCLUSION:

Brilliance could have been written without most of the Sci-Fi elements, but having the story contain a futuristic vibe, helps add uniqueness and charm to what would be an otherwise everyday thriller.  With suspense, humor, great dialogue, fantastic writing, and political undertones, this novel will make you turn the pages until there are no more words to be read.  Here's hoping the second book has just as many surprises as the first.

4 out of 5 stars (minus a star for a slightly slow / cliché Part One)

Fatman on Batman: Making the Dark Knight Relevant

You might be looking at the title and thinking: "What the hell are you talking about?  Batman is relevant.  Have you seen Nolan's Batman trilogy?"  And that's exactly what I'm talking about.  Batman doesn't only exist in the Nolan universe.  There are plenty other forms of Batman that only the truest of fan would know.  And to be able to make a case for any form of Batman incarnation, one must have flowing Bat-juice in their loins.  The person must be able to recite any Bat-dialogue, from any Bat-source, like they're Rainman's nerd cousin, who instead of watching "Who's on First," continually play the opening from “Batman: The Animated Series.”  And as far as I know, there's only one Bat-nerd out there that has a Bat-gasm every time you just mention any Bat-material—whether in normal conversation or sexy pillow talk—and that's Kevin Smith.

"You know they have to kill a version of you, every year or so to keep me relevant!  

Stop complaining."

WHO IS THE BATMAN?

Now, you might just know about Batman because your boyfriend has made you sit through the recent movies, or you may know about him because your kid asked you to pick up the latest action figure, but after listening to Kevin's “Fatman on Batman” podcast, you'll not only know every character in the Batman universe, but you'll know what they eat, when they crap, and if Superman can really get Lois pregnant.  Yes, Kevin is that far gone.  Is this a bad thing?  Well, as long as he doesn't don B-Man's suit with crotch-less slacks—leaving his jewels to flop and frolic about for the world to see—then we're pretty much safe.  What I'm really trying to say is Kevin's love for a fictional character that squeezes into spandex to fight crime is so overwhelming, that you can't help but feel sorry for him…and become a Batman fan.

   

"Damn...still can't see where I parked my car."

SMITH OWES ME MONEY: (Not a lot, but some.)

I find podcasts absolutely boring.  Most of time it's some jack-off, sweaty, sitting in his underwear, picking his nose, and talking about whatever fetish helps put wind in his sails.  So listening to a downloaded podcast makes me either fall asleep, or smash my player against the wall.  But somehow, a few weeks ago, I stumbled upon a “Fatman on Batman” interview with Jeph Loeb (Batman: The Long Halloween, Teen Wolf, Commando).  Not only was I entertained during the interview, which lasted just over 3 1/2 hours, but I wanted to hear more.

Most interviews, especially with celebrities, are around 10 minutes long and are always trying to sell you something: "Oh, tell the audience about your new book that you wrote while taking a crap in a stranger's house."  Kevin Smith does none of that.  Sure, he'll talk to a guest about what they're currently working on, but not before he walks you through the guest's entire life, usually starting from when they're young.  And if you think I'm kidding about the length, head over to “Fatman on Batman,” and check out some of the interviews.  The shortest one on there might just be north of an hour, and in interview standards, that's frigging crazy. 

"Oh, schmoopie, just wait until we get home.  

I have some wonderful new toys that you'll just love."

Celebrity interviews are also staged: the interviewer will tell the interviewee the exact questions they'll be asking, so the interviewee can prepare.  Again, not with Kevin Smith.  He pretty much has an outline of the person's life he's interviewing, so he knows where to start, but then he just wings it.  You basically feel like you're sitting in Kevin's basement and he just invited some person over, who happens to like Batman too.

So how does Kevin owe me money, then?  Well, after listening to every “Fatman on Batman” podcast available, I of course had to run out and read Scott Snyder's current run on the Batman comic.  Also, I had to buy Batman: The Animated Series on DVD, which I haven't seen since I was a teenager.  (If you liked that series, well, Smith has had Batman himself behind the microphone—Kevin Conroy.  On top of that, the frigging Joker, Mark Hamill—who has a severe case of ADHD—has sat down with him.  Not to mention the animators and writers of the series.)  After hearing him talk about the animated movie, The Dark Knight Returns, over and over again…yep, went out and picked that up too.  Smith makes each and every guest seem so down to earth and just plain nice, that you’ll want to support them and the Dark Knight.

"So that's one Bat-burger with extra mayo and hold the pickles.  

Do you want any Bat-fries with that?"

WHAT IF I HATE KEVIN SMITH?

Sadly, there are people out there that can't stand Kevin Smith, even though they've never met the man.  If your loathing goes so far as hating the sound of his voice, well…then I'd stay far away from “Fatman on Batman.”  Other people might complain that Smith will completely ramble on while interviewing, because the amount of marijuana currently floating around in his system is enough to kill a dinosaur.  Or some might get uptight because he doesn't exactly post the new podcasts on a strict set schedule.  You know what I say to all that?  It's free.  How can you possibly get upset over something that's free?  These great interviews pull nothing from your pockets.  The only thing they steal is your time, but you can turn them off whenever you want.

"Damn it, Bats, do you know how hard applying eyeliner will be now?"

CONCLUSION:

If you're into podcasts, movies, humor, writing, comics, or Batman, then you should make the plunge over to the Smodcast network and check out some of the interviews.  If you want to hear a forty something year old man, cry like a little girl over scenes from Batman: The Animated Series, then don't hesitate to check this out.  You may even be like me: a person who really doesn't like podcasts, but appreciates good interviews and finding out how people got their start in the entertainment industry.  And if that's the case, then trust me, there's at least one interview on there from the long list, that'll make you happy.

Choice Interviews:
Jeph Loeb, Jim Lee, Tara Strong, Mark Hamill, Scott Snyder, Stan Lee, Kevin Conroy