Book Review - Ready Player One

For all you Gamers and Movie-Buffs that scoff at novels, spit on bookstore windows, and remark, "Words?  We don't need no stinking words."  The gateway drug to the wonderful world of fantasy prose has been found in one lone novel.

Ready Player One takes everything you love about video games, music, movies, sitcoms, commercials, literature and the like, and throws it into a blender to create one of the most unique and original stories that even the truly die-hard book hater will love.  "That's great and all, but I hate video games."  Do you like movies?  "Actually, I hate everything you mentioned above."  Oh, well in that case, here's a shovel: start digging until you're about six feet deep, then jump in and have a friend bury you, because really...what's the sense?

"Drugs?"

"Thank you, no, I'm straight."

STORY:

Wade is your typical introvert living in the crappiest future you could imagine (probably not far off).  Instead of spending his days battling scary robots or trying to survive a deserted earth like other novels, Wade logs into Oasis: a free online world consisting of everything you ever wanted in a game and life.  Oasis allows the player to go to school, dance clubs, level-up to a powerful wizard, become a virtual arms dealer, or visit places only dreams can hold.  But the number one reason everyone uses it: anonymity.  You can be and do anything you want in Oasis, provided you have a big enough virtual bank account.  Wade, on the other hand, has nothing.  Not even a family life he can be thankful for, so he spends almost every moment of real life in a simulation. 

The fun begins when the creator of Oasis, James Halliday—the richest man in the world—dies.  With no heirs to his fortune, he leaves a Will.  It states that lying deep in Oasis is an Easter Egg—no, not the colorful crap you see during the holiday—a hidden secret that only the most ingenious Oasis player will be able to unlock.  The prize: Halliday's estate and full ownership of Oasis, making the individual who solves the puzzles the richest person in the world.  For years nobody comes close to finding the first of the three gates leading to the secret egg.  People even start to forget and give up, until one night a lone name appears at the top of Halliday's scoreboard stating someone has found the first gate.  That someone: Wade.  Overcome by excitement, he doesn't realize that some people would kill for that kind of cash in the virtual and even the real world.  Crazy gaming, 1980's pop-culture, wizard-whipping, and puzzle-solving ensues.

And with a flick of the wrist--BAM--the wizard was instantly transported to the Starship Enterprise.

THOUGHTS:

The novel itself literally reads like an MMORPG (Massive multiplayer online role playing game).  If you like the idea of a low-level broke virtual wizard becoming famous overnight, and battling against greedy killers…then this is your novel.  If you spend countless hours without food and water, nursing blood-shot eyes, and getting no sleep, because you just have to level up before you call it a night…then do yourself a favor and pick this book up.  You'll love it.

Talk about writing what you know and in this case, what you love, because this book literally found a way to massage an entire decade into coherent paragraphs.  Ernest Cline (author) turns the 1980's into the greatest ten years of this planet's culture.  And he does so through a thrilling ride about a young man with nothing, whose sole purpose in life is to become the first one to find Halliday's Egg.

The writing in the novel is top notch and will keep you pinned to the pages no matter where you are in the story.  The setting is original and fully developed, so you never find plot holes or problems with character motivations.  And the amount of research that had to go into putting this epic tale together is unfathomable.  The story throws espionage, corporate theft, assassinations, school problems, love, bad parenting, a crappy future, and sitcom puzzles in your face, and you'll want more.  It might even be a sad moment, when you turn the last page and see no more words.

"Can't you see I'm in the middle of Xbox One's day-one download?"

WHAT IF I HATE GAMES AND MOVIES?

Then what the hell are you doing on P&P?  Seriously?  If you really find sci-fi, fantasy, video games and movies repulsive, then don't even attempt this book.  The story does tackle harder concepts like relationships, family trouble, love and greed, but they're not the core of the book.  Most of the story involves the main character retracing certain 80's pop culture (mainly old video games and sitcoms), to try and tie it in with the current puzzle at hand.  So if literary feats like The Great Gatsby are your cup of tea, then maybe you should head to a bookstore and test out the first couple chapters of Ready Player One, before diving in.

"What?  At least he's comfortable."

WHAT IF I HATE THE 1980's?

Some people look at the 1980's tremendous hair styles and wacky color coordination and shun the whole decade.  Others think the music was as good as jamming a fork in your ear and then jumping off the nearest cliff.  But there's so much more in the novel then just the music or hair styles or clothing.  The sitcoms and movies and commercials and books all factor into the story too.  And let's not forget about great games like Joust for Atari.  Or Pacman.  Who in their right mind doesn't like Pacman?  Okay…maybe the Nazis, but that's it.

"Oh!  You got a problem with my bird, you got a problem with me."

CONCLUSION:

If you’re a 60th level wizard who has never read a novel in their life, this may be the gateway drug you've been looking for.  It may open up all kinds of magical worlds built on words.  Or you might just go right back to playing GTA5 (who doesn't like hitting hookers with their car, right?).  With fantasy, sci-fi, games, movies, sitcoms, commercials, Japanese anime, cartoons, and the kitchen sink, how can you not find something you love about this story?  Think Tron meets World of Warcraft meets The Firm.  It's a story about chasing your dreams, even if everyone tells you they're unreachable.  And who can't get behind that theme?

5 out of 5 stars (Remember, that’s only if you like video games, movies, books, or the 1980’s)

DVD Movie Review - Redemption (Hummingbird)

Redemption happens to be a Jason Statham film, without really being a Jason Statham film.  Are you looking for continuous action?  Not here.  How about perfectly choreographed fight scenes involving a fire hose, an axe, or maybe some oil?  Nope.  At least it has crazy driving scenes where cars make slow-motion jumps over explosions, right?  Ah, no.  What's actually in place of action, martial arts, and car stunts, are dramatic expressions, sad kisses, and a protagonist trying to drink his past away.  Yes, my friends, Redemption (Hummingbird) required a little more emotion from our pal Statham.  The real question is: does he pull it off?

After an almost empty U.S. premier, Mr. Statham took to the bottle and ended up vomiting and 

passing out in King Dragon's Chinese Restaurant.

STORY:

Joseph Smith (Jason Statham) currently spends his time lounging in a cardboard box with Isabel, because the London military are looking to court martial him for war crimes.  The only place safe seems to be the streets, until a couple of guys kick Joey's ass.  Running from more beatings, he falls into an apartment that ends up vacant for the rest of the summer.  With such fantastic luck, crazy Joey decides to change his life around and help those (Sister Cristina—played by Agata Buzek) who helped him.  Spoon negotiations, drunken stumbling, funny Jeff-caps, and sacrilegious scenes ensue.

"Are you trying to tell me this cap is somehow better than the massive cowboy hat I wore in Parker?"

THOUGHTS:

Redemption opened here in the States and four people went to see it: one super Statham fan, the projectionist, a cat looking for shelter, and a homeless guy, who thought it was an adult film.  That's about it.  Does that make Redemption a bad movie?  No.  Is it Oscar worthy then?  Probably not.  But if you place it next to Parker and J-Lo, this movie would take home every award, including best animated feature.

Now pay attention: if you exclude the silly empty apartment he falls into, the answering service message that states the place is his for the summer, the free debit card that just so happens to be left on the floor for use, keys that are laying around to a beautiful car, and oblivious neighbors that leave Joey in someone else's apartment and never question a damn thing—exclude that ridiculous premise...and you're actually left with a decent drama.

"Now, once you break the arm, like so, you remove it, bread it, and drop it into the 

fryer for about 10 minutes."

You're first introduced to a drunken, scraggly haired Statham, who actually has to run away from the bad guys.  He and the viewer will see a man in desperate need of a change.  Crazy Joey isn't a bad guy though, he just gets a little worked up sometimes and kills people, and then he attempts to drink it all away.  Now, you're probably thinking: "I don't really give a crap.  What I want to know is can Statham pull off the emotional scale required to be a Special Forces veteran with a mental disorder?"  Actually…yeah, he can.  But if you were really thinking: "So far this movie sounds like a complete waste of time."  Then you wouldn't be alone, because all the audience wants is Statham to play Statham in every movie.  Anything that deviates from the norm is preposterous.

Statham seems more comfortable performing the few action sequences required in the film, but gently glides into the more touching moments with Sister Cristina.  He may not have the emotional depth that some other actors have, but he fits this role nicely.  He even—SPOILER ALERT—cries at one point.  Now, if you're the type of person who reads that and believes Jay Statham does not cry, then it may be in your best interest to stay far away from this film.  There's even a very touching moment between Joey and his estranged daughter that'll make you wonder why Statham's been typecast almost his entire career as a reckless killing machine.  But then you see him collect money for the Chinese mafia, threaten men with nothing more than a spoon, and the universe seems to instantly align itself again.

"If invading your personal space is not enough to make you listen, I can pop out an eyeball too."

The plot can seem random and confusing at times, especially the scenes in Afghanistan, but if you pay attention to all the dialogue, you won't have any trouble picking up the main theme of the film.  The action sequences are thrown in to speed up a somewhat slower story and can seem misplaced with the rest of the pacing, but it's the several subplots that will keep your attention till the end.  You'll want to know what Joey ultimately will decide: rehash the past or chase his heart.  And to top it all off, the movie has one of the best revenge sequences you just need to see.  It's both hilarious and extremely fulfilling to watch.

"Hmm...I use the same size knife to butter my toast."

HUMMINGBIRDS & VIOLENCE:

About twenty minutes into the film, you'll finally realize why the movie's original title was Hummingbird.  The birds themselves, literally, fill a few scenes where Joey struggles with reality.  Now, the reason behind the hummingbirds will take a little longer, as the complete backstory isn't revealed until the end of the film through dialogue.  Also, don't let the drama aspect and the not-so-typical Statham movie fool you.  It still dabbles in extreme violence, prostitution, people trafficking, drugs, alcoholism, nude photography, and not-so-saintly nuns.

"Look at all the pretty butterflies...oops."

Can someone please get Mr. Statham some water, so he can sober up.  That's the forth time he 

said butterflies, instead of hummingbirds.

CONCLUSION:

Jason Statham may be a kick ass action star, but somewhere deep inside is tiny drama actor lying in wait.  The film can be slow at times with action sequences spread a little thin, but it does have heart.  Will this film end up in your permanent Statham collection?  Maybe not.  And you may never need to see it again after the first viewing.  But if it’s on TV, it is worth checking out, if for no other reason than seeing Statham in another light.  Hopefully, some people throw more of these roles his way, along with the big-budget action franchises.

3 out of 5 stars (minus a star for misplaced action and one for the silly free apartment)

Fatman on Batman: Making the Dark Knight Relevant

You might be looking at the title and thinking: "What the hell are you talking about?  Batman is relevant.  Have you seen Nolan's Batman trilogy?"  And that's exactly what I'm talking about.  Batman doesn't only exist in the Nolan universe.  There are plenty other forms of Batman that only the truest of fan would know.  And to be able to make a case for any form of Batman incarnation, one must have flowing Bat-juice in their loins.  The person must be able to recite any Bat-dialogue, from any Bat-source, like they're Rainman's nerd cousin, who instead of watching "Who's on First," continually play the opening from “Batman: The Animated Series.”  And as far as I know, there's only one Bat-nerd out there that has a Bat-gasm every time you just mention any Bat-material—whether in normal conversation or sexy pillow talk—and that's Kevin Smith.

"You know they have to kill a version of you, every year or so to keep me relevant!  

Stop complaining."

WHO IS THE BATMAN?

Now, you might just know about Batman because your boyfriend has made you sit through the recent movies, or you may know about him because your kid asked you to pick up the latest action figure, but after listening to Kevin's “Fatman on Batman” podcast, you'll not only know every character in the Batman universe, but you'll know what they eat, when they crap, and if Superman can really get Lois pregnant.  Yes, Kevin is that far gone.  Is this a bad thing?  Well, as long as he doesn't don B-Man's suit with crotch-less slacks—leaving his jewels to flop and frolic about for the world to see—then we're pretty much safe.  What I'm really trying to say is Kevin's love for a fictional character that squeezes into spandex to fight crime is so overwhelming, that you can't help but feel sorry for him…and become a Batman fan.

   

"Damn...still can't see where I parked my car."

SMITH OWES ME MONEY: (Not a lot, but some.)

I find podcasts absolutely boring.  Most of time it's some jack-off, sweaty, sitting in his underwear, picking his nose, and talking about whatever fetish helps put wind in his sails.  So listening to a downloaded podcast makes me either fall asleep, or smash my player against the wall.  But somehow, a few weeks ago, I stumbled upon a “Fatman on Batman” interview with Jeph Loeb (Batman: The Long Halloween, Teen Wolf, Commando).  Not only was I entertained during the interview, which lasted just over 3 1/2 hours, but I wanted to hear more.

Most interviews, especially with celebrities, are around 10 minutes long and are always trying to sell you something: "Oh, tell the audience about your new book that you wrote while taking a crap in a stranger's house."  Kevin Smith does none of that.  Sure, he'll talk to a guest about what they're currently working on, but not before he walks you through the guest's entire life, usually starting from when they're young.  And if you think I'm kidding about the length, head over to “Fatman on Batman,” and check out some of the interviews.  The shortest one on there might just be north of an hour, and in interview standards, that's frigging crazy. 

"Oh, schmoopie, just wait until we get home.  

I have some wonderful new toys that you'll just love."

Celebrity interviews are also staged: the interviewer will tell the interviewee the exact questions they'll be asking, so the interviewee can prepare.  Again, not with Kevin Smith.  He pretty much has an outline of the person's life he's interviewing, so he knows where to start, but then he just wings it.  You basically feel like you're sitting in Kevin's basement and he just invited some person over, who happens to like Batman too.

So how does Kevin owe me money, then?  Well, after listening to every “Fatman on Batman” podcast available, I of course had to run out and read Scott Snyder's current run on the Batman comic.  Also, I had to buy Batman: The Animated Series on DVD, which I haven't seen since I was a teenager.  (If you liked that series, well, Smith has had Batman himself behind the microphone—Kevin Conroy.  On top of that, the frigging Joker, Mark Hamill—who has a severe case of ADHD—has sat down with him.  Not to mention the animators and writers of the series.)  After hearing him talk about the animated movie, The Dark Knight Returns, over and over again…yep, went out and picked that up too.  Smith makes each and every guest seem so down to earth and just plain nice, that you’ll want to support them and the Dark Knight.

"So that's one Bat-burger with extra mayo and hold the pickles.  

Do you want any Bat-fries with that?"

WHAT IF I HATE KEVIN SMITH?

Sadly, there are people out there that can't stand Kevin Smith, even though they've never met the man.  If your loathing goes so far as hating the sound of his voice, well…then I'd stay far away from “Fatman on Batman.”  Other people might complain that Smith will completely ramble on while interviewing, because the amount of marijuana currently floating around in his system is enough to kill a dinosaur.  Or some might get uptight because he doesn't exactly post the new podcasts on a strict set schedule.  You know what I say to all that?  It's free.  How can you possibly get upset over something that's free?  These great interviews pull nothing from your pockets.  The only thing they steal is your time, but you can turn them off whenever you want.

"Damn it, Bats, do you know how hard applying eyeliner will be now?"

CONCLUSION:

If you're into podcasts, movies, humor, writing, comics, or Batman, then you should make the plunge over to the Smodcast network and check out some of the interviews.  If you want to hear a forty something year old man, cry like a little girl over scenes from Batman: The Animated Series, then don't hesitate to check this out.  You may even be like me: a person who really doesn't like podcasts, but appreciates good interviews and finding out how people got their start in the entertainment industry.  And if that's the case, then trust me, there's at least one interview on there from the long list, that'll make you happy.

Choice Interviews:
Jeph Loeb, Jim Lee, Tara Strong, Mark Hamill, Scott Snyder, Stan Lee, Kevin Conroy

DVD Movie Review - The Iceman

From defending Kryptonian bloodlines in Man of Steel, to portraying a cool uncle in Mud, to a crazy schizophrenic father in Take Shelter, is there anything Michael Shannon can't do?  If you haven't seen him in anything else, his acting in The Iceman will make you believe he's one of the best actors working in Hollywood today.  Michael Shannon, singlehandedly, brings what could have been a mediocre mob film, up to new heights.

STORY:

The true tale of Richard Kuklinski, a notorious hit-man for the mob in the 1960's through 1980's, only has one weakness: his family.  And they have absolutely no idea he spends his time slitting men's throats and chopping up bodies for the mafia or highest bidder.  When his family is threatened, his emotions run wild, causing both worlds to collide.  Crazy murders, family love, and true events ensue.

"Do not move until you realize what you've done.  A normal person would not throw an 

entire porn collection in the trash.  You re-gift that crap."

THOUGHTS:

The Iceman is just a stellar performance from start to finish by Shannon.  Only a man with tremendous acting skills can portray a deranged hit-man for the mob and make you actually feel bad for him.  The tender moments that are intertwined with the bloody action, bring out the real root of what makes this movie great.  Shannon being able to transition from a loving husband and father to a heartless killer in the same scene is masterful.  Hats and pants off to the casting director for making an exceptional choice.

"Sure I love you.  But you don't understand, if I don't kill at least two or three people a week, 

how else will we afford cable?"

One would think the murders and the backstabbing mafia men would be the glue of this film, but it’s the slow touching scenes between Kuklinski and his family that help bind the narrative.  The film even forgoes an action beginning and starts with Kuklinski meeting his wife on a first date.  It's the theme of whether or not a cold-blooded killer can love that sets this film apart from other mob movies.

Shannon blends perfectly into the role, which traverses from the 1960's into the 1980's.  His mannerisms are fantastic, showcasing body movements that slow as he ages through the years.  The decades themselves are shown flawlessly in the story as the cars, clothes, hair and even the porn-staches change and morph as the years go by.  The action and blood can be light at times—and you probably already know the ending—but the film never seems to bore or slow down.  Watching Kuklinski unravel as he digs himself deeper and deeper in mafia wars, while trying to keep up with the household bills, keeps your interest flowing.  The only thing that would have added to the suspense was if they kept the police hot on his trail throughout the movie, instead of having them arrive at climax.

"I led a team of Superheros, who stopped an alien force from taking over Earth.  You?"

"I lie to my wife everyday.  Imagine what'll happen if she finds out."

CAMEOS:

All the supporting actors in the film can be considered cameos as Shannon's Kuklinski is the driving force in the plot, placing him in almost every scene.  The rest of the actors are just here to move his story along.

Winona Ryder gives her best performance as Kuklinski's wife, since her portrayal of a girl curious about death in Beetlejuice.  Her role might not be in the majority of the film, but she does have some of the most memorable scenes with Shannon.  Unfortunately, a terrible New Jersey accent shows up for about ten minutes in her dialogue, but thankfully, seems to disappear for the rest of the film.

"You're going to go back in your house to find my copy of Goodfellas, right now.  The cover was 

signed by Joe Pesci, to me.  TO ME.  You know how much that's worth?"

Ray Liotta plays Kuklinski's boss and head Mafioso.  You may think this role is a stretch (insert sarcastic laugh here), but Liotta gets the job done with perfection.  Captain America (Chris Evans) takes time away from punching Nazis to grow hippie hair and kill people with bombs and cyanide.  His pretty boy face may at first distract you, but he'll quickly merge in with the rest of the cast as Mr. Freezy (yes, that is his actual name in the movie).  James Franco shows up for a few minutes to pray to God, and Robert Davi from the Goonies makes an appearance trying to look intimidating, but all you'll keep thinking about is him singing opera and interrogating Chunk. 

And then we come to David Schwimmer.  (Has there ever been another person in the world you'd want nothing more, than to hit in the face with a shovel?)  Schwimmer—surprise—plays the douche most excellently.  They try to cover up his notable goofy face with mustaches and pony-tailed long hair, but oops, he still sticks out like a sore thumb every time he's on screen.  You'll wonder if he knew someone in casting, because there's no way he read for the part, and someone said, "Man, just look at how awful he is…we must have him for this production."

"How do you like my Bruce Lee jumpsuit from Game of Death?"

You're still a douche.

BLOOD & PORN THOUGHTS:

The Iceman may seem like a different kind of mob movie, but don't let it fool you.  It still contains spraying blood, chopped up bodies, and terrible men, who no one can trust, no matter how friendly they seem.  In fact, the people that have seen every mob movie are the only ones that might be a little bored by the story line, but luckily the performances raise the film to an enjoyable level.  There's also the addition of choice sounds from porno in the background on a couple of occasions, but no real nudity found throughout.  There might have been a nipple slip somewhere, but you'll have to be running the film on super-slow speed to catch it.  And if you're really taking the time to spot it, then maybe you should get out more?  Maybe take your porn watching to the adult theater every once in a while, so you can spend time with other adult movie enthusiasts.

"Whoa, Stark, take it easy! I'll be at the weekly S.H.I.E.L.D. meeting.  I just might be a few 

minutes late, is all.  No, I don't need your help.  I just...I have to shave and cut my hair, okay?  Now you know."

CONCLUSION:

The mob portion of the film is nothing you haven't seen before, but if you're looking for great performances—then pick this up.  Without Shannon, the film would have been just a poor man's Goodfellas.  Now, if you hate mafia movies and everything they stand for (smack yourself because the Godfather, Goodfellas, Casino and the like are some of the best films Hollywood has to offer) then don't come near this movie.  If you've enjoyed Michael Shannon in the past, then this is a no-brainer.

4 out of 5 stars (minus a star for the whole Schwimmer thing)