DVD Movie Review - Gravity

Gravity may give a new definition to motion sickness and space phobia, but one thing's for sure: once you see it, you'll never forget it.

STORY:

Dr. Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock), a medical engineer, takes her first plunge into space to repair a telescope.  While in the midst of floating around the earth and hearing silly anecdotes from Matt Kowalski (George Clooney), a cloud of space debris heads their way, essentially trying to ruin the astronaut's fun.  Floating balls of fire, limited air, spinning camera angles, and helplessness ensue.

"Yes, that's right.  My pelvis is hooked to her pelvis.  Deal with it."

THOUGHTS:

Some people grow up with a fear of spiders.  Others may crap their pants when they think of being lost in the woods.  You may be terrified of being in the middle of the ocean with no land in sight.  But this film gleefully adds to these fears by helping you realize that being stranded in the quiet darkness of space may be scarier than any of the previously mentioned phobias.  Welcome to the cinematic universe of Gravity.  Please enjoy the shortness of breath and the deadly orbiting space debris.

The film starts innocently enough with Bullock and Clooney floating around a space telescope attempting to do some repairs.  But very soon after and for every remaining minute, you're taken from one impossible situation to the next.  The plot and anxiety never let up.  When you think you'll have a few moments rest to collect your thoughts and ease into your over-saturated buttery popcorn—BAM—another frigging problem pops up and you're caught with slippery kernels in your fingertips and too much stress and suspense to shovel them into your mouth.  This movie will literally keep you on the edge of your seat the entire running time.  And when it's not racing your heart, it may be drowning you in your own tears.

"So...after this, what do you say we head behind the telescope and rub our space suits together?"

Sandra Bullock is Gravity and hopefully, you don't have a problem staring at the actress for about ninety minutes.  Not liking her face or voice may hurt your movie experience, but fortunately the scenery and special effects are so unbelievable that it may be possible to forget all about her.  Now, if you love her, then this will probably be your favorite film, nestled right on the shelf above Miss Congeniality.  Clooney on the other hand, uses his suave manners and soothing voice to try and pull the viewer away from all the tragic obstacles happening on screen.  And at times may even make you smile.  But those feelings will only last mere moments, because the next heart-pumping scene is always right around the corner.  As for the rest of the actors in the film…there aren't any.  Just a two person show.  Of course there are a couple of random voices in the beginning, but after about ten minutes, it's the Bullock and Clooney show.  And both do a damn fine job in their respectable roles.

"Crap.  Is that what time it is?  Alright, just one more beer and greasy pork sandwich, before 

I'm fired into space in a phallic-shaped missile."

MOTION SICKNESS AND SPECIAL EFFECTS:

If you're the type of person that can't watch those clips that show the point of view of a roller coaster ripping around rails and doing speedy loopy loops, then this film will probably make you yak all over a loved one.  No joke.  In the beginning (this scene can also be previewed in the trailer) when the initial strike of debris happens, Bullock finds herself strapped to the end of a long spinning arm.  Instead of the camera pulling back and letting you watch her spin, the camera is planted inside her helmet and you're taken for a stomach-gurgling experience.  Around and around—earth, darkness, earth, darkness…yak.  Luckily, those scenes aren't the bulk of the film, so you may only throw up a couple of times.  If spinning or shaking cameras don't bother you in the slightest, then allow someone to kick you in the genitals so you can experience the film like the rest of us.

The special effects in this movie are really on a level of perfection all their own.  There is no comparing the feeling of beauty and anxiety all at the same time.  The camera angles and lighting are magnificent and the only part better than watching the magic on screen, is understanding the science behind it.  Basically, a lot of the technology used throughout the movie had to be imagined and then built, because it didn't exist.  And since the director, Alfonso Cuaron, was anal about the look and feel of every shot, almost everything you see had to be created in CG.  What you think is actually part of a prop or set, may not be real at all—including the actors.

"Damn you, next-gen video games!  So many buttons and triggers.  Why can't this be more like Pong?"

WHO'LL HATE IT?

If you hate movies light on dialogue or focusing on one person the entire time, like Cast Away, then you'll probably be better off busting out your Snooki collection for about two hours.  If astronauts and space don't hold a special spot in your heart or if you have no fear of floating helplessly in a dark void, then you might want to pick up a gallon of paint, throw it at the wall, and spend a couple of hours watching it dry instead.  Now…if you hate both actors in this film, there's a pretty good chance that even the incredible cinematography may not be able to save it.  So your best bet?  Spend a few hours judging all the new porn videos, so the rest of us can simply view by highest rating.

"Is that frigging dog crapping on my lawn...again?"

CONCLUSION:

Gravity is simply an amazing film.  Even though it may cause heart failure or night sweats at times, the view from space is worth it.  With an accelerated pace, the perfect lead actress, and magical effects that could only be compared to Merlin himself, there's no reason not to see this movie.  Unless of course you have all the afflictions listed in the "Who'll Hate It" category, then please stay far away.  For everyone else, Gravity will be best viewed in HD, but probably without all the 3D nonsense.

5 out of 5 stars (well done)

Book Review - The Amateurs

The Amateurs is a thriller about ordinary people trying to take an illegal bite out of society and the terrible consequences thereafter.

STORY:

Four friends: Alex, a bartender with too many bills and family trouble; Mitch, a doorman with self-esteem issues; Ian, a degenerate cocaine addict; and Jenn, a travel agent looking for excitement, decide it's time to take back what society owes them.  With a seemingly indestructible plan and absolutely no idea how to carry it out, the four misfits attempt to rob a bundle of cash from a mobster.  Think a mix of Tower Heist, Horrible Bosses, and Foolproof, but much better with a more serious tone.  Consequences, liquid filled tubes, terrible bets, and stupidity ensue.

"If we would've known snorting coke out of a dust buster was illegal, none of us 

would've broke into that house and stuck toothbrushes in our ass."

THOUGHTS:

Marcus Sakey (Author) essentially takes four ordinary people and throws them into an extraordinary circumstance.  What could possibly go wrong when four friends—who seem to have never watched an episode of CSI—draw up the perfect plan to rob an ex-mobster named Johnny Love?  In short?  Everything and anything.  But the real pull of the novel isn't the crime itself or the terrible effects of trying to steal a better life.  It's the characters.  Each personality is cleverly written with distinct differences and life problems, adding depth to each protagonist.

Sometimes when reading a novel or watching a movie, the main protagonist can be a little tough to relate too.  But Sakey's brilliance is writing four main protagonists and letting you choose to root for one or all of them.  Will you get behind good-looking Alex, a divorced father having trouble with child support payments?  Maybe lonely Mitch is more your speed, because he has that special someone in his life that he can't seem to ever obtain.  Then there's Ian, the rich stockbroker who snorts every single paycheck and tends to bet on the losing team almost exclusively.  If none of them hold your interest, than how about Jenn.  She's a thirty something travel agent that just needs a little adventure in life, because going to the same job everyday has grown increasingly stale.  Each and every character gets his or her own backstory, adding a flavor for every reader's taste.

"Are you sure this is going work?  I thought you needed a styrofoam cup on the 

end of this or something?" 

The story premise remains believable because each of the four have motive for taking the loot.  Whether it's to keep a family together, to stay alive, or just to try and be happy.  It's all here for them to contemplate and for the reader to easily understand, because there isn't a single person out there who hasn't thought about taking the easy route in life.  The story also remains grounded.  Sakey doesn't overdo it by throwing millions of bucks into the mix.  The ending balance is just enough to give each of them a fresh life to venture into.  Haven't you ever thought, "If I just had about fifty grand, I could pay off all those credit cards I've maxed on porn subscriptions."  Sure you have.  And if the chance to do so seemed easy enough with virtually no way of getting caught, wouldn't you take it?  But there's the catch: nothing is ever as easy as it seems.

The chapters switch from each character's point of view, letting you dive into their minds up until the heist.  This adds a level of drama on top of the suspense of getting caught.  Then the four are in the thick of it and—BAM—the littlest thing changes the outcome and it’s a constant uphill battle to keep themselves and the ones they love, alive.  The plot is equal parts thriller, comedy, and drama.  And after part two you'll realize the novel isn't all sunshine and rainbows.  If you're interested in heist stories or novels about ordinary people getting caught up in unbelievable circumstances, then this book is a no-brainer.

"You're the final vote.  Dodgeball, Trading Places, or Ferris Bueller's Day off?"

Now, not only are the four worried about the cops and dangerous men, but stealing money and having four people in on the plan presents complications on their friendship.  If one person were to get caught, would they betray the other three?  This is where moral decisions and true friendships come into play.  What if your true friend had a load of cash in their hands or a gun to their head, and to be set free, all they had to do was cough up your name.  Would they do it?  But the story doesn't only revolve around trust.  There's also a love triangle adding tension, family issues, and addictions, all adding upon the strenuous mess the foursome fall into.

"Hey, don't worry about looking like a preschooler.  I just crapped my pants, so we're about even." 

AND THEN THERE'S PART THREE:

If there's one spot the book slows, it'll be just after part three begins.  (Part one deals with the plan.  Part two contains the heist and part three is the aftermath.)  Typically in a novel you're privy to one character's inner monologue, but when you're dealing with four main protagonists, now you've quadrupled your inner thoughts.  So instead of the plot moving forward, the first couple of chapters tend to stay stuck in each character's head, as they attempt to work things out, before making their next move.  Also weighing down the ending is some the action chapters have punch lines that are way too predictable and cliché.  You'll already know what the last line of the chapter will be even pages away.  But the lull in the narrative is just the calm before the ending storm.  So don't let those few chapters dissuade your decision to read the book.

"Yes, hello.  Don't be alarmed.  I may look like the guy that ruined the future of both Deadpool 

and Green Lantern, but I assure you...I'm not him."

"I haven't the slightest idea of what you're talking about, Sir.  No one here ordered a pizza.  So beat it."   

CONCLUSION:

Marcus Sakey's The Amateurs is filled with wonderful prose, exceptional character building, and a great premise.  If only the last part would've kept the momentum going, then the rating would've been a full five stars.  So if heists, drugs, love, family, and friendship issues are your taste, then this story will sit happily in your collection.  Or you could just head to the nearest library and get all the wonderful items listed above…for free.

4 out of 5 stars (minus a star for the lull in part three)

DVD Movie Review - Ender's Game

Ender's Game blends gorgeous special effects, a wonderful story taken from an excellent novel, and incredible acting from Asa Butterfield, to create what can easily be considered a great addition to the Sci-Fi genre.

STORY:

Giant alien bugs, called Formics, tried to overtake our planet, and humans wouldn't stand for it.  We fought back and made the Formics retreat to their own world where they belong.  And now seventy years has past and the human race wants to make sure we're ready for if and when the Formics return.  Enter Ender Wiggin (Asa Butterfield) the silliest name you'll hear this side of the galaxy, unless of course, you're familiar with the Hunger Games.  Ender's a lanky young strategist who just may become the leader and savior of our human race.  Can he overcome puberty and a fleet of alien bugs all at the same time?  Only hours spent in battle school, holding hands with girls and playing antigravity laser tag, will tell.  Space battles, floating vomit, basic rocket science, and ant logic ensue.

"I want you to take a good look.  This is what happens when you drink and pass out.  So-called

friends detail your face with permanent marker."

THOUGHTS:

The entire movie rests on Asa Butterfield's acting-shoulders and just like Ender's strategies, he delivers.  Whether he's conquering a simulated battle, dealing with superior officers, or standing face to face with the great Han Solo, Butterfield's acting is superb.  Even though he may look like the wind could topple him over, he still has the chops to deliver some of the biggest lines in the film.  And once you see him in the role, it's hard to imagine anyone else playing the part.

Harrison Ford plays Han Solo who plays Harrison Ford portraying Colonel Graff: the only person in the military that seems to think Ender is the savior.  He spends most of the time mumbling through his lines or pleading with the other actors to trust him, but happens to fit well in the role.  Ben Kingsley as Mazer Rackham shows up for a minute or two with too much makeup on his face, but otherwise gives Ford a run for his money.  Viola Davis plays Major Gwen Anderson, the voice of reason and sanity among the nutty military leaders.  And Abigail Breslin gives a short and somewhat wasted performance as Valentine Wiggin, Ender's sister.  The rest of the cast are mainly younger actors portraying stereotypical children in Ender's battle school.  And aside from moving the plot forward and creating high school friction, aren't really a necessity.

"Picture this: Me conquering the world...in a banana suit."

The film starts off with wonderful Voice-Over from Butterfield during an air battle, explaining the war seventy years ago and current human worries.  The movie then jumps to the present day Ender struggling to fit in.  See…Ender is just too darn smart to be included among these inferior children, but nonetheless, has to go through the motions before he can conquer the world.  What's more strenuous and takes years in the book, is breezed through here in under an hour.  But what's the alternative?  Making the movie four hours long or splitting it up into several films?  Only directors looking to cash in on a literary property do that.  Then sooner, rather than later, our little Ender makes piece with his childhood gripes and pushes himself to become the man we all know he can.  Don't be fooled though, this movie is a little more high school drama, then epic space battles.  But along the way, tension still builds, and if you haven't seen or don't know the story, then you're in for a doozy of a twist at the end.

Even though the film can feel rushed, fear not, because Butterfield's acting holds, what could have been an unbelievable movie-mess, all together.  He makes you feel every emotion through his eyes, even if one moment he's crying like a little girl, and the next, commanding an entire planet's army.  The real question you're wondering is does this movie hold up to the novel?  The simple answer...no.  The problem with reading the book before watching the movie is no matter what, it's hard for a film studio to create something better than any one person's imagination.  It's a little easier in comic book films because you have great art as a starting point, in addition, to wonderful world building and story lines.  But with fiction, the audience only has what they've seen in their mind.  And how can any movie ever compete with that?  So should you read the book before viewing the film?  No way.  If you already have, you might be a tad disappointed.  But if you haven't, the movie might inspire you to read the book.  If not, well…all that Internet porn isn't going to surf itself.

"I need you to project power and leadership into the way you hold yourself...you're Ender frigging Wiggin."

"No, no, no...I get it.  I get it."

"No...you don't.  If you did, you wouldn't be standing like that."

THE SPECIAL EFFECTS:

From space battles, to alien bugs, to the small details like Ender's sidearm, the concepts and the look of the film are sleek streamlined perfection.  You know those movies where the CG works, but somehow always seems a little off?  Well that's not the case here.  All the actors fit well within the CG and hand-built sets, and switching between the two is seamless.  The only time something looked out of place was when Ender travels to the last command base.  The alien spaces and walls appeared plastic like it was made for a ride in Universal Studios' theme park, but those scenes are minimal and don't hinder the film.

"I don't know how you feel, but you look ridiculous.  Good luck winning over the audience like that."

CONCLUSION:

Ender's game may not stand up to the book, but on its own, the movie does everything it needs to do.  It draws the viewer into Ender's world, creates sympathy for the main character, adds suspense, and it's all supplied through a beautiful artistic vision.  Now, if you see space and anything in it as a waste of time, then you might want to sit this one out.  But if you need a little Sci-Fi in your life right now, don't be ashamed to splurge on the Blu-ray so your eyeballs can really feast on the visuals.

4 out of 5 stars (minus one star for the hasty plot)

DVD Movie Review - Escape Plan

Escape Plan's aging actors, questionable dialogue, and very odd casting are all mended together using a decent premise, much like a six year old would attempt to make the perfect sphere out of Lego and Silly Putty.

Day 37: "I still remain without friends.  They won't let me play in any games during recess, and a giant

man stole my milk money.  I'm determined to make it, but I'm worried about this fork running out of ink..."

STORY:

Ray Breslin (Sylvester Stallone) has an amazing ability to break out of high security prisons.  When the dream job comes along—breaking out of a privately funded, off-the-grid CIA institution—he can't seem to turn it down, even if all the rules he uses to run his business are being flushed down the toilet.  With half-chewed bread, wet toilet paper, and broken glasses at his disposable, Ray sets off like MacGyver to foil his incarceration.  But when the typical job turns sour, he'll have to befriend some of society's undesirables to claim freedom.  Random stabbings, uneven eyebrows, educated guesses, garden-hose water-boarding, and slurred speech ensue.

"I'm telling you, Mickey Mouse was the President in the eighties.  Sometimes it comes in a blur--from all the

drugs back then, ya know--but I'm pretty sure."

"That's a relief.  I always thought it was the Road Runner." 

THOUGHTS:

The first obstacle to overcome is the movie's premise.  If you read the above and said, "Eh", or began to fantasize about new bathroom color swatches, then maybe this isn't the movie for you.  If you think a dude who breaks out of prisons for a living is cool, or you perhaps once dreamt of making papier-mâché dummies like Clint Eastwood in Escape from Alcatraz, then grab the popcorn, turn down the lights, and strap in for a middle-of-the-road action movie with a side of aged-Schwarzenegger.

The second and final obstacle, you may have to hurdle are the actors.  Stallone is the movie's bread and butter, appearing in almost every scene.  His archaic muscled veins and out-of-proportion head will make you—at times—have to look away, but at age 125, he still seems to be getting the job done.  There are instances where the film could have applied a tad more emotion or backstory, because getting to know the character of Ray Breslin before he's tagged and bagged, can prove difficult.  A slight problem may also occur when you realize the writers are trying to pass Stallone off as super intelligent in the film, because remnants of him bouncing a racket ball and saying, "Ya know," may still linger.  Even if he doesn't make you want to sing "Eye of Tiger" this time around, he's still at the top of the casting ladder here.

"At one point, ya know, I actually like had a family and money, ya know."

"Sure, Rock, I know.  I know.  Can you do me a favor?  Can you can stop following me now?"

Arnold Schwarzenegger spends most of the film asking annoying questions.  You know that kid in high school who would not leave you alone after you accidentally helped him in some way?  He's like that, buzzing around Stallone asking one question after another.  And the banter between the two ancient actioneers will hark back to old men sitting on a park bench.  All that's missing are a few pigeons and some bread crumbs.  He's also tasked with having some the most absurd lines in the film like, "Sometimes favors hurt," or "You hit like a vegetarian."  In the end though, both Stallone and Schwarzenegger almost look like they still have it.

"Not sure if I don't understand words...or I don't speak American."

A smidgen of other actors show up too, if only to progress the plot.  Vincent D'Onofrio plays Lester Clark, Ray's rambling overweight partner, who may or may not have a few tricks up his sleeve.  Amy Ryan appears in the film a little here and a little there.  Sam Neill takes a break from Dino hunting and plays a doctor who stands by his oath.  And the exquisite 50 Cent, blends perfectly into the role of nerdy super-computer whiz, showering you with more nods and wide smiles than dialogue.  But the only person the casting department seems to have lucked out on is Jim Caviezel.

Caviezel plays Hobbes, the cold-hearted warden of the secret institution.  Every time he's on screen he steals the show.  Not even the mighty Stallone can overcome Caviezel's acting, even if it's just a cookie-cutter bad guy being portrayed.  With hardened facial expressions, slimy pronunciations, and devilish eye twitches, you feel nothing but uncaring evil from his character.  If you enjoy his role in Person of Interest, then you're going to hate him here.  And that's when you know the acting is superb: when the same person can make you love them in one role and hate them in another.

The prison facility has a slight Sci-Fi angle to the design, which adds eye candy to the film, but helps the geriatric actors pop out like they've been cut and pasted atop a student's collage.  Fortunately, even with the cast and simple dialogue, everything seems perfectly mended together by the premise and decent plot.  You'll get a few twists thrown your way, a couple of scenes reminiscent of Commando and Predator, and at the very least, a taste of suspense.  It's a typical mediocre action thriller that slows in the middle and picks up by the end.  There's even the predictable one on one who's-the-bigger-actor fight, but by the time that rolls around, you'll be too far in and too far comfortable to even think about shifting in your seat and hitting the stop button. 

"It was just a chicken, ya know!  Nobody said we couldn't eat a chicken!  I caught it myself!"

"Waaaa..."

"Jesus, Arnold, if you don't stop crying, you'll end up pissing yourself again."

CONCLUSION:

Viewing Escape Plan may make you yearn for a 1980's action flick, but there's still a salvageable story hiding somewhere within the mediocrity.  The characters aren't really flushed out—some could have been dropped completely—but watching Stallone rally the troops and fight evil will never become stale.  (Is it time for another Rambo yet?)  The aging actors have lost some of their shine and the cameras could have pulled back a couple of feet, but as they say, "Everyone gets old."  Escape Plan might not hold a permanent spot in your movie collection, but it'll definitely garner a rented one…if Stallone and Schwarzenegger are your cup of perfectly blended steroid-tea.

3.5 out of 5 stars (minus one and a half stars for paper thin characters and slightly bad casting)