With
a main character named Crunch Calhoun and a cast filled mainly with B-actors,
your first instinct may be to overlook The Art of the Steal. But if you give it ninety minutes of your
time, this heist movie might actually surprise you.
"Hey, what's the matter? Haven't seen a couple of grown men playing with each other before?"
STORY:
Crunch
Calhoun (Kurt Russell) wants to plan one last art heist and then call it
quits. And in the middle of the perfect
plan, something happens and Crunch finds himself in the elegant prison system
of Poland. Fast forward seven years (five and a half with good behavior) and
Crunch is out and ready to put his criminal life behind him. In the middle of building a new career as a
dare devil—famous for breaking bones and almost dying repeatedly—his old career
comes back to haunt him in the form of his brother, Nicky Calhoun (Matt
Dillon). Roy Orbison's "In
Dreams," pirates, magic pens, giant vaginas (yes, you read that right), and brotherly love ensue.
"You know, they call these things books. One day, if I have the time, I'd like to open it
up and look at the pictures."
THOUGHTS:
After
reading the movie's caption and realizing another heist movie is not what the
world needs, stop…take a breath, and then ask these questions: "Do I like humor? Do I
like somewhat silly humor? Did I like The Usual Suspects? Did I
like Ocean's Eleven?" If you
answered yes to one or all of those questions, then you'll love The Art of the
Steal. It's one of those heist movies
that's constantly moving, constantly making you laugh, and constantly using
witty dialogue to hammer home plot points.
Kurt
Russell may look like his better days are far behind him, but he's just as
goofy in this film as he was in Big Trouble in Little China, Escape from New
York, or Captain Ron. He still knows how
to be the comedic leader with funny one-liners and outrageous facial
expressions. Fortunately, the movie's
laughs aren't just from Russell. The
rest of the characters lend a hand in the joke department too.
Matt
Dillon doesn't garner too many laughs, but he's perfect as the dick brother
that pickpockets nine year olds for fun.
Jay Baruchel plays Francie, Crunch's sidekick that doesn't want to be
prison raped. He's basically playing
himself like he does in every other movie, but his timid manners and squeaky
voice never get old. Kenneth Welsh nails
old-school Irish as Uncle Paddy, the man with simplistic logic and a geriatric
seductiveness that women can't seem to deny.
Jason Jones spends his time as a short-tempered Interpol agent alongside
his calm, sarcastic partner, Terence Stamp (The
duo spews some of the best quips in the film). Devon Bostick pops in for a short cameo
decorated with candy jokes, and Katheryn Winnick slides slightly over the line
of "just another pretty face."
"Alright! Alright! I'll never leave the toilet seat up again. I promise."
Like
other heist movies before it, The Art of the Steal, moves at a brisk pace. Schemes and plans are hastily thrown together
and the assembled men are always moving in different directions with different
agendas. But you won't see high tech
gadgets or bombs or people clad in black scaling down tall buildings and then
making an entrance through an air duct.
This is old-school thievery, where sleight of hand and a master forger
is all you need. The main theft may be
hard to grasp at times, but you'll never feel overwhelmed or confused. Just follow along as Crunch falls deeper and
deeper into a pit of lies and enjoy the many twists. But the real magic of the movie isn't the
reveal at the end (even though it's a
doozy) it's the movie's ability to keep every escalating problem and
sound-proof idea riddled with humor.
You'll be sweating one minute, wondering if they'll get caught, and the
next minute you'll be watching two men discuss the proper pantyhose to wear
during a robbery. It's the perfect
balance of smart and hilarious. In fact,
this being a "heist" movie
may be the only problem some movie-goers have with the film, since the genre
has been beaten to death for decades.
With all the
goofy antics and witty dialogue, the ending is probably predictable, right? Wrong.
Not only will your mind be wrapped up in every little detail as the team
attempts to steal a priceless book, but the ending will have so many twists and
turns that you'd have to be Nostradamus to predict the finale. And even then your prediction would only be
in some vague mixed-language quatrain.
So the plot is
over the top? Of course.
Any movie involving fake Amish beards, the gospel according to Jimmy and
a three foot tall vagina is not taking itself too seriously. So this
story couldn't happen in real life?
Well, let's not go that far, because art thieves and master forgers
still exist in this day and age. Okay, but what about the giant vagina? Get your mind out of the gutter. This movie is filled with hilarious writing
and all you can think about is a giant vagina.
In your defense, it is one of the funnier moments of the movie.
"I don't know...I grabbed the color I thought would compliment my complexion, but I'm still
a little hesitant. What do you think?"
CONCLUSION:
If
you enjoy the "Aha" moment at the end of a film, or just appreciate a
band of misfits trying to pull off the perfect crime, then The Art of the Steal
is right up your alley. With witty
dialogue and an onslaught of laughs straight through until the end, there's
nothing this film needs to improve. Now,
if you hate heist movies or comedies (that's
a shame), then don't come within fifty feet of this film. For everyone else, The Art of the Steal is
well worth the rental price and may even become a permanent installment in some
movie-goer collections.
4 out of 5 Stars (minus 1 star for the cliché heist genre)
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