Movie Review - Snowpiercer

Snowpiercer bursts onto the screen to showcase violence and brutality, sadly leaving character development buried under bloody bodies, outrageous action, a cliché plot, and exhausted social issues.

STORY:

Curtis (Captain America's Chris Evans) has a problem.  He's been stuck in a giant steel box, also known as a train car, for 17 years with other unlucky inhabitants.  The world as you know it has been frozen over because scientific idiots tried to stop the Global Warming farce and instead, plunged the world into an ice age.  Oops.  The only survivors happen to be aboard a contained ecosystem housed in a giant train that moves around the world constantly.  The back of the train harbors Curtis and the poor, while the front of the train entertains the rich.  But the most important spot is the engine car, where Wilford (Ed Harris), the train's creator and ruler lives.  Curtis has a mission: get to the engine and kill everyone that stands in his way.  Protein blocks, ugly women, knife wielding acrobats, fish-axe combatants, and disturbing nursery rhymes ensue.

"Just because you led the Avengers through a journey that ultimately saved the world, doesn't mean your

tough, okay?  I was in Jumper and that also had Samuel L. Jackson." 

THOUGHTS:

How do you like your Sci-Fi?  With a side of bloody violence and implausible action?  How about sautéed social issues or a cliché plot as an appetizer?  If those things appeal to you, then you'll love Snowpiercer.  Like the movie Dredd, where Karl Urban slowly makes his way up a tower until the final boss fight, Chris Evans pushes his way forward until he gets to the train's engine.  Is it farfetched and sometimes nonsensical?  You betcha.  Are there moments that will make you scratch your head and wonder—even in a Sci-Fi setting—does that seem possible?  There sure are.  Will that hurt your movie experience?  Only if you let it.  Snowpiercer is a brutal action-film first, where senseless deaths and ridiculous gun fights happen for no other reason than to look awesome.  If that lights a fire in your nether regions, than go ahead and feel safe hitting the play button.

"Psst...shouldn't you be squirting the toothpaste in his mouth?"

"Yeah, but who the hell cares?  This guy couldn't spell his name, let alone tell me where his teeth are."

DIALOGUE & ACTING:

Evans portrays Curtis exactly how he should be portrayed: a little reluctant, a little scared, a ton of repressed emotion, with a shot of anger to top it all off.  But he can only carry the acting as far as the dialogue will let him.  And the problem is the dialogue holds your hand throughout the film.  It's as if the character's actions are too hard to grasp and the viewers need to know exactly what everyone's thinking and exactly what they're next move will be.  Have you ever watched an anime where the lead character takes a sandwich out of the fridge, and then right after exclaims: "I'm taking a sandwich out of the fridge."  Yeah, it's like that.  Snowpiercer's dialogue can be ridiculously descriptive, telling the viewer the movie's plot and each and every character's motive.  But what happens when you're told how a character feels instead of indicated through actions?  You end up having a hard time relating to their quest and therefore couldn't give a rat's ass if they died.  And people do die…in abundance, yet, not one death feels even remotely meaningful.  Now…near the end, you do learn more about Curtis, though it may be too late to comprehend some of his previous actions as the movie ends minutes later.  But character development and the worn-out theme shouldn't be the reason why you're watching Snowpiercer.  It should be to soak in all the Sci-Fi fun, set originality, and whacked-out action.

"Sir?"

"Careful, Pal.  You come any closer with that shelled fowl...I'll stick it up your ass and then rip your

head off and use it as a bowling ball.  Do I make myself clear?"

Okay, but what about the rest of the cast?  Well…Kang-Ho Song plays Namgoong Minsoo, the only man who knows how to open each train gate, thus propelling Curtis further toward the engine.  Song’s drugged-out mechanical engineer adds much needed humor to an overly dark film.  Jamie Bell portrays Edgar, Curtis' second in command.  Aside from being sarcastic, his acting remains lost underneath his undeveloped character.  Tilda Swinton plays Mason, the ugly cartoonish tyrant.  Her bloated facial expressions and absurd, over-the-top evil can only be out done by John Hurt's character, Gilliam, who walks around like a six foot tall broken toy with an umbrella hand and a peg leg (not joking).  Ed Harris showcases why he's the best actor in the film and Allison Pill stops by to sing children's nursery rhymes.  Most of the other characters are forgettable and are only included to help push the social inequality theme, while also trying to make the violence seem like a necessity.

"I'm telling you, this is my wife."

"Shut it, buddy.  We know a man when we see one.  Now, please move aside so we can help 

the women and children."

WHERE DOES THE MOVIE SHINE?

In its design originality.  The train is a fantastic set piece.  The first hour of the film is filled with a lot of fighting and a lot of grime, but once Curtis gets beyond the water car and starts to go through each different area, sheer creativeness begins to burst out of the story.  As unique as some of the different train cars are, they are just as equally absurd and required to sustain life.  Is there a car full of engineers and technicians in cages?  Yep.  Well how about sharks?  Or raves?  Or saunas?  Well, you'll just have to watch to find out, but the originality definitely helps the crazier parts of the movie go down easier.

"This shoe will be your dinner tonight, boiled to perfection.  Served with a side of sock."

CONCLUSION:

With outlandish bloodbaths in some scenes, ridiculously descriptive dialogue in others, and then almost dead stops with explanations, Snowpiercer can feel a little uneven when examining the whole story.  But if you're looking for a decent Sci-Fi film and don't mind implausible action or a car full of axe-wielding maniacs, then this is your type of movie.  If you prefer your Sci-Fi a tad more grounded, then you've truly come to the wrong place.  Either way, Snowpiercer still remains a solid Sci-Fi rental.  And gentlemen, if you're looking for the perfect date movie...this is definitely not it, but you could always fib and say it's a romantic love story between the dreamy Chris Evans and the aged Ed Harris.  Just be prepared for any repercussions after the first arm is chopped off.

3.25 out of 5 Stars (minus a star for cliché plot and ¾ star for flat, descriptive dialogue)