DVD Movie Review - Wild Card

Review Note: By now, if you're going to see or rent or buy a Statham movie, then you already know what to expect.  The film most likely will not be Oscar bait.  Simple dialogue will run throughout, action will be prevalent, and someone, somewhere, at some point, will be getting kicked in the face.  These are Statham trademarks, and as such, from here on out, P&P will use a new Statham system to rate each of his movies.  One Statham being the worst (think Parker) to five Stathams being the best (think The Transporter).  Just keep in mind that a five Statham rating doesn't necessarily mean the film is as good as a regular five star review.

 

STORY:

Nick Wild (Jason Statham) is a security consultant in Vegas that has a secret past.  He spends most of his days as a degenerate gambler and con man.  But when a woman he knows gets the snot beat out of her, he does the one thing he doesn't want to do: he gets involved.  Soon after, Sin City's mafia is hunting Nick down, while he attempts to gamble and beat people with spoons.  Guitar riffs, Sofia Vergara's assets, house-trained toupees, silly laughs, third grade dialogue, and butter knife fighting ensues.

WARNING: Slight story spoilers ahead.  If you want be surprised, then do not continue.  Then again, this is a Statham movie and they're not known for being plot heavy.  So does it really matter?

"Maybe this Wild Card script is as bad as everyone says it is.  Then again, I am going 

to get paid.  Screw it."

THOUGHTS:

If there was ever a film that felt like it was shot over a long weekend by a bunch of buddies that were getting tanked up and just happened to have decent cameras lying around, sadly, it would be Wild Card.  A film's director isn't only required to yell cut and action, but he's also required to direct each and every actor, essentially getting them into character.  But that might be difficult when working with a script that doesn't have an overarching storyline.  When the film begins we catch Nick Wild as a little bit of a con man.  Then we see him accept a job as a bodyguard.  And then he just happens to gamble.  Along the way his friend is beat up and he decides to beat those guys up.  And after the very short hour and twenty minute running time, you'll wonder if the script was based on a book of short stories about the same character, because that's how it feels.  None of the subplots have anything to do with each other.  And the only cohesiveness throughout the film is Statham's hunky body.  Take that away and you’re left with random movie sequences.

CLICHÉ:

Almost every film set in Vegas will feature some type of gambling…obviously.  But this film takes the clichés and pounds you over the head with them: The con man trying to get out of filthy Vegas; the Italian mafia running things; the prostitute that takes a beating; the naive gambler that needs to be shown the ropes; and on and on and on.  All of these plots have been written to death, which helps Wild Card become just another story to add to the heap.  So where is the only place this movie could possible stand out?  Statham's action sequences, of course.

"What if I told you, I could beat you to death with this styrofoam cup?  Would that make 

you shut up?" 

THE ACTION:

This by far is the bread and butter of any Statham movie.  It's why guys watch anything he does.  You want to see him creatively beat someone to death in some new, twisted, exciting way.  Everyone knows the faster the punches, the more brutal the deaths, the more thrilling the movie.  So, unfortunately, you'll be slightly disappointed with the action in this film.  There are exactly three fight scenes.  One in the beginning.  One in the middle.  And—you guessed it—one at the very end.  The first one is a throwaway, because they took everything that makes martial arts awesome and threw it out the window.  The film actually shoots the first fight scene in slow motion.  Jason Statham is slow motion?  The Statham should never be in slow motion.  Why?  Because you could make Ronald McDonald look good kicking someone's ass in slow motion.  Statham needs to be set loose, not held back.  That leaves two more fight scenes.  There's one in a casino, which is slightly entertaining, and the last fight at the very end.  Now, you've seen Statham fight with oil and fire hoses before, but for the first time he will kick ass like he just came from a tea party.  The weapons of choice: a spoon and butter knife.  This hysterical action sequence almost makes up for the rest of the movie…almost.

THE ACTING:

As usual, the best acting in the film goes to Statham, but only because he's been playing this same character for years now.  It's basically himself in front of the camera.  No more.  No less.  Michael Angarano also joins the cast as Cyrus Kinnick, the young man that hires Nick Wild as his bodyguard.  Angarano will be the most annoying person in the film until the very end.  It's as this point that his acting skills finally shine through the silly character they wrote for him.  Milo Ventimiglia plays the villain, Danny DeMarco.  He shows up for terrible dialogue, cliché statements, and to get his ass beat.  Dominik Garcia-Lorido also gets beaten as Holly, the character that enables the Mafia plot line.  Most of the time she's quiet and busted up, but when she does open her mouth, expect low grade dialogue with little emotion.  Stanley Tucci pops up in the film to be a smooth mediator and to hear whining from the lead actors.  And last but not least, Sofia Vergara brings her assets to a tiny role for five minutes and nothing more.

"You dick!  No one talks about Mickey Mouse that way.  I love that rat."

CONCLUSION:

Wild Card is a stunning disappointment in the kick-ass movie genre.  Not enough action sequences and almost little to no emotion throughout the film, leaves you with absolutely no worries about the main character's life.  With dialogue that comes in at the third grade level and dozens of clichés floating throughout the plot, there's really no reason to watch this film.  Unless you want to see Jason Statham kick several asses with just a spoon and a butter knife.  If that's the case, rent the film, watch the last ten minutes, and then move on with your life.

2 out of 5 Stathams (add a Statham for having Statham in the movie and another Statham for the spoon fight)