Movie Review - Skyfall

 

Skyfall is one of the best Batman films I’ve seen, and I mean that with the most sincerity.  I have no idea whether the writers of Skyfall were inspired by Nolan’s The Dark Knight or were told to completely rip it off.  Either way this Bond film is solid, shot well, well-acted, and is just fun to watch, even when you know what’ll happen next.

 

The Story:

Bond is in the field doing Bond stuff, when oops—he’s shot by a teammate and falls ass-first into the water below a train bridge.  But you knew that already, right?  Well, he’s believed dead, until a terrorist strikes MI6 from the inside, and Bond decides to take action once again.

 

Thoughts:

From the opening scene—action—to the ending credits, I had a smile on my face.  The movie is perfectly written in arc format: action, slowly uncovering plot, action, and then the escalated final battle.

 

But what sets this film apart from other Bond films?  Well, most of them had him going after a bad guy who is intent on world-domination, or something close to this.  Someone close to Bond, preferably a lover he just met is killed and then he sets out to destroy whoever is responsible.

 

This film makes it personal.  How?  By going after the one person who is most important to Bond, not just some lover he met 15 minutes ago in the film.  The villain’s story line is also personal and sad—he isn’t just some half-wit, who wants to take over the world, or sell the latest operative list to the highest bidder. (Which is funny, because in the beginning that’s exactly who Bond’s trying to stop.)

 

Bond is getting older, and the film isn’t scared to show it.  They strip him down to his core principals, and it’s as if the Bond story line is starting all over again.

 

But let me back up.  The opening credits are magnificent.  The effects and visuals are an instant classic.  I really can’t remember the last time I watched a film and actually stopped to admire the opening credits.  It’s some of the best cinematography I’ve seen in a while.

 

Once he’s back, after his wound, he’s broken and is slowly becoming unhinged.  Since he’s been out of duty so long, he has to go through the training and tests again.  With underlining humor, these scenes are acted and shot well.  I loved seeing him struggle to maintain, and knowing he wasn’t in tip-top shape—he still goes out into the field to stop the terrorist.

 

The antagonist Javier Bardem is creepy, sick, twisted, and super intelligent.  And he friggin’ nails it.  In one scene you feel for him, and in the next he’s spooking you out.  Some of the plot might be easily guessed at this point, but who cares, it’s so well done, that that little grievance is hardly noticed.

 

Everything comes to a head in the final sequence, which is excellent.  There are no fun gadgets or MI6 tricks up Bond’s sleeves.  It’s just him versus the villain, and he has to use whatever knowledge he’s gained in the field to overcome.  This is just excellent writing.  So where did the writers come up with all these great ideas?  Hard to tell, but I can say what it reminds me of.

 

The Crazy Batman Similarities:

Like I said above, this was one of the best Batman films I’ve seen.  Allow me to explain.  SPOILERS: DON”T READ ON, IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE MOVIE.

 

Well, it turns out Bond is an orphan who lost both parents when he was young.  You don’t say?  But that could be anyone?  True.  But he’s also rich and has a mansion that was left to him from his parents.  Huh?  Yeah, and he also has a butler, who watches that mansion while he’s gone and even helps him out in the ending scenes.  You’re kidding?  Nope.  And the villain even let’s himself get caught, so he can get on the inside and go after his target.  Well, now it’s starting to sound like TDK.  I know right?  But that’s not all.  At one point, the antagonist even dresses like a cop to infiltrate certain areas, just like the joker in TDK.  Oh, and let’s not forget the secret passageways underneath Bond’s mansion.  I wouldn’t have been surprised if he had a cave underground where he stored his bat-mobile.

 

OKAY, YOU CAN START READING AGAIN.

 

What seemed ridiculous:

Besides Bond’s partner in the film, there is another women lead (if you can even call it that) played by Berenice Marlohe, who I remember sharing the spotlight with Craig, along with Naomie Harris, when the film was first announced.  SPOILER: If you haven’t seen the film, I don’t think it will hurt the experience.  Anyway, she’s in the film for about 5 minutes.  But in those 5 minutes, she tries to share a terrible life story and the best part: there’s enough time to squeeze in a love scene that made absolutely no sense.

 

The love scene, I think, just filled one of the requirements of a Bond film.  It literally pops out of nowhere, just like Bond in the scene and BAM—shower love making.  Really?  The character felt thin and rammed into the script for no reason.  Her dialogue was top notch, and even her acting was excellent, but she felt out of place.  If she wasn’t in the film, it really wouldn’t have mattered. END OF SPOILER.

 

Conclusion:

Besides the Batman thing and one flimsy woman character, this Bond film has it all.  It was the perfect treat for an otherwise slow end to the film season.  Skyfall shouldn’t be missed.  There’s a little for everyone: Humor, action, romance, mystery, thrills and twists.  If you haven’t seen it, drop what you’re doing and run out to the theater, you won’t be disappointed.  Oh, and if that doesn’t do it for you, there’s also dragons…that’s all I can say.

 

A Solid 4.5 out of 5 stars (minus ½ a star for the Batman stuff and one throw-away character)

Why does "Gamer" = No Love?

I carry around a stigma that makes most people my age and older, gaze upon me like I’m a leper. It's a word that makes all others stare at you like you’re the kid in school that doesn't take baths and spends countless hours with his finger up his nose. It's a word that makes parents cringe and think their child is throwing away their future one button press at a time. Of course the word I'm talking about is: Gamer.

Let's not confuse the term with Casual-gamer.  How most of the world is categorized today, thanks to the iPhone and iPad.

People play this?

Unlike that group of people, I have the ability to work more than just one button/finger at a time. I'm able to customize characters; manage multiple minions in real time at the same time; actually keep track of a story; decide who lives and who dies; and I do all this while leading a somewhat normal life that contains: kids, a job, a wife and friends. That is what I consider a real gamer.

The funny thing is: casual gamers are making life as a real gamer, almost socially acceptable, one nerd at a time. And no matter how much AAA game titles suffer (because of social gaming) in sales, the casual gamer is here to stay.

So why do hardcore gamers get no love?  Why is it, when people hear you play Mass Effect or Skyrim or Bioshock, do they look at you like you have three heads?

Yep, that about sums it up.

It’s because of that.  Like any group, there's always going to be radicals. Now you’re asking: Are “radicals” bad people?  Of course not, they’re just die-hard fans of the genre.  Do they scare the living crap out of non-gamer society?  Unfortunately, yes…most of the time they do.  I say, you love something that much, why not promote for it.

The problem is which stereotype do you think the movies and media depict?  You got it—the radicals.  Are there gamers that stay in their respected gaming-chairs and have their mothers wipe them after they've just crapped in a bed pan?  Maybe. (How else are you supposed to level up?) 

Can you pass the catheter?

Does that mean we're all like that?  No.  There are men out there who masturbate while wearing women's shoes or people who find anime porn hot (seriously, tentacles?)  And in today’s society that might be considered normal, but a person who plays Company of Heroes might need an intervention.  Why?  Console/PC games challenge all parts of your brain.  If you don’t believe me, give Quantum Conundrum a try, and see if that doesn’t make you think.

Do you know how difficult some titles are to play today?  Here's a challenge: take any casual gamer and sit them down to play Xcom: Enemy Unknown or Dark Souls.  See if they can hack it.  I tried to get my wife to play Plants vs. Zombies and couldn't do it.  "There's too much I have to do," she said.  And then went back to playing Happy Jump on the iPad.  If you don't know what Happy Jump is, and you want to laugh, check it out.

Umm...how about no?

Console/PC games are more social than ever.  I like the person who says, “You need to get out and make friends.”  Where else can you trade quips with people from around the world, who share in your hobbies?  Can I go down to the corner and start taking about Gears of War and how many kills I have?  I wouldn’t, if you do that, you might just end up getting mugged and possibly raped.  It’s much safer to stay on the couch and pretend to be a wizard, than going outside with a cape and pointy hat.

I’m a gamer.  But I’m also an artist, writer, musician, engineer, bookworm, and husband.  So yes, I actually might have some intelligence.  It makes me laugh when we're depicted as stupid. Think about it for a second.  Most gamers are the social inept (at least that’s how society views us), and we all know the weird and quiet ones we never talked to in school were always the smartest—right?

Do you know what goes into creating the code that these games use to do basic things, like running forward when we push the thumb-stick up or hit the “W” key?  No, well neither do I, but I hear it’s friggin’ difficult to write.  So these game developers, who love gaming just as much, are what—stupid?  I always wondered if the developers get the same grief we do, when they tell older members of their families they create games.  Because we all know that our parent’s generation and older still think games look like this.

Look at those graphics--top of the line!

Which brings me to my next point: Our games can be very entertaining…just to watch.  You can’t tell me if your friend is playing Hitman: Absolution that you’re not watching.  You want to see just how he handles the same situations you encountered during the way.  Again, try watching someone play Happy Jump.  I give it a few minutes and you'll want to pull out your eyeballs, trying to remove the horrible memories.  Or angry birds, there's a phenomenon I just don't get at all.  You pull the bird back in its sling-shot and release...and people pay to play this?  Really?

But they do.  Most girls play it because it’s simple and fun.  Guys play it to have a conversation with the girls who play it just for fun.  Most men…most, play those games just so they can get next to a girl who’s playing it.  And most of the time ladies, the boy or man considering how you view him, is just sitting there wondering what you look like naked.  He’s not watching you play Angry Birds.

The good thing is the casual gaming girl sparked another cultural phenomenon.  The Cosplay girl.  And if there is ever an angle a gamer-guy should chase in hopes of gaining access to the stairway to heaven, it’s these wonderful ladies.

Your breasts are awesome...hair, I meant hair! Come back.

I wish this was around when I was courting females.  You guys have no idea how lucky you are.  All you have to do is put down your controller/keyboards for a few hours and go introduce yourselves.  You already have a conversation starter—these women are walking/talking/breathing gamers.  The problem is most gamers, since there vocabulary doesn’t extend much further than “Pwned” or “Frag”, turn into bumbling idiots when they’re around these beauties.  Here’s a tip:  just ask them what they like.  You’ll get to remain quiet and not screw it up and they (women in general) get to talk about themselves.  It’s a win-win, situation.  No need to thank me, you’re welcome.  Just every once in a while send a pic to this blog’s email, okay?

Getting back on track: Being a gamer allows me to engage in the simpler stuff in life, like gunning down hoards of enemies with a gun that seems to never run out of bullets or tackling difficult puzzles, all while forgetting the real problems in life.  That’s really the true reason I play: to have a bit of fun and get absorbed into the game, before I have to get back to real life aggravation.

Even though most of us do not except the casual-gamer, and look upon them as the people that are going to destroy console/PC gaming, they are still the people who might one day get you laid.  So don’t we want to keep them around for just a little longer?  (The die-hard WoW & Diablo gamers are looking at this article right now and are debating)

In reality, I know that there are cool gamers out there—male and female—that get on with society and its rules just fine.  This article was written with nothing but fun and humor in mind.  So now that you’ve met your reading quota for today, you can go run and pick up your keyboard/controller and knock yourself out.  Everybody needs love—even gamers.


If you like this article, check out:

The 3 Stages of Gamer Maturity

Book Review - Placebo by Steven James

 

Placebo by Steven James

 

When I grow up I want to be Steven James.  There, I said it…and now there’s no taking it back.  The only problem with that statement: I’m already grown up and no matter how hard I try, none of my writing can hold a candle to James’ style.  Not even the most basic words like “the” or “cat” seem to hold the same weight and tone as he can deliver.  Don’t believe me?  Then I dare you to read the first chapter of his newest novel, Placebo.

 

Story:

Protagonist Jevin Banks, an ex-stage magician—who spends his time investigating controversial televangelists and psychics for a TV show—stumbles onto a neurological research program that focuses on mind to mind communication and Banks is dead set on proving the research as a hoax.  What he finds once he’s there startles him.  A small simple plot, as always with a Steven James novel, unravels into something much more sinister and thrilling than when it first begins.  On top of that, Jevin suffers from claustrophobia due to the loss of his family, which he spends his time trying to come to terms with throughout the story.  Add in a team of helpers for Jevin: Xavier, a hippie who specializes in explosives; Fionna, who can crack any computer security known to man; and Charlene, Jevin’s former stage assistant whose beauty is rivaled by none, and you have yourself quite a psychological thriller.

 

Thoughts:

If you’ve read the Bowers series—if you haven’t; go out right now and pick up “The Pawn”—then you will be quite familiar with his writing style.  James’ prose is quick, precise, and forces you to turn to the next page without you even knowing it.  He’s one of the select few authors I read and never have to look at the page numbers.  You know you’ve read those novels where the story is interesting and you want to get to the end just to find out its secrets, but you still wonder how many pages are left.  Well, you can be rest assured that this book will not do that to you.

 

Where the Bowers series was grounded into the FBI investigative techniques and how they harness tips/clues to find serial killers, Placebo steps into the realm of Sci-Fi…but only slightly.  James uses research that exists today and stretches it almost to the point of snapping.  Is there a lot of conversations spent talking quantum physics?  Yes.  Will half of those words get lost on you, like singles after a night spent in a strip club?  Probably.  Does that stuff really matter if you want to know what the hell is going on?  No.

 

James has a way of story-telling that allows him to express his idea to the simplest of mind or if you fall into the high society arena, then also the most complicated of brains.  If you’re into all the science/quantum physics jargon, then it’s all here for you, if not—if you just want a fun, edge-of-your-seat thriller, than that’s here too.

 

Jevin Banks and Patrick Bowers also share some much needed traits that lend to the story, and help you uncover the plot.  Bowers always relays the facts when a new piece to the puzzle is discovered.  Banks does the same thing.  There isn’t much police procedure in the novel—in fact; James seems to purposely keep the police/investigators out of the book.  As the story moves forward, our ex-magician finds more and more clues and evidence leading to a bigger revelation.  So it only makes sense to re-relay those facts on the reader.  Sadly, if you didn’t know Banks was the protagonist, you might have said Bowers was the man making all the calls in this book.

 

Jevin Banks’ character is a mix of Harry Houdini and Bruce Wayne.  He’s close enough to the regular Joe, but has those special qualities that allow him to overcome sticky situations.  With his ability to overcome locks and make deadly escapes (Houdini traits) and his knack for being filthy rich (Wayne traits), there doesn’t seem to be anything Banks has trouble evading. Does the character completely work?  Close enough, he might just be a little too much like Patrick Bowers in the cognizance sense.

 

What’s excellent writing anyway?

There’s a chapter in the story where a man struggles with his thoughts and instead of the words coming off as a bunch of incoherent sentences, you can actually feel the man struggling inside his head.  This is excellent writing.  Something only James has the experience to pull off without completely throwing the chapter out the window.

 

More thoughts:

The whole arc of the story comes full circle at the end and leaves you with enough questions to wonder when the next book in the series is on its way.  Not to worry.  “Singularity” is due out fall 2013.  You’ll get some hints about where Jevin and his gang are headed, and you might just be able to guess some twists that are on the horizon.

 

What was Weird:

The convictions of our protagonist had me a little doubtful.  I can see being a magician and falling into to trouble and then using your special skills to evade it, but throwing yourself in the face of danger just because you want to know the facts, doesn’t make any sense to me.  What propels Banks forward doesn’t propel me.  I like to know the truth, just as much as the next guy, but stepping in the line of bullets, knives and fires, makes me want to stay home and watch movies, play videogames and call the police so they can handle it.  Instead out protagonist jumps at danger like Rambo, except Rambo has the experience to gun-down hundreds of men with a .50 caliber and Banks can pick a lock.

 

Props to James:

James actually mentions Philadelphia in the book without making it look like a terrible place to visit.  Let’s be serious, nobody really mentions Philly or includes it in their stories.  Want to know why?  Because once you get past Independence Hall and the Nation building history, you have nothing left but hipsters riding skateboards and trash filled streets.  Trust me; I’ve lived in and around Filthadelphia all my life and wouldn’t move there again if you paid me in prostitutes, which can be found in abundance in Philadelphia’s more classy areas.

 

Conclusion:

Placebo is a wonderful book to start a fresh new series in, and should be a no-brainer for the Steven James fan.  The main character can seem a little rehashed (See the Bowers Series) and the dialogue can cram too much science at times, but that doesn’t take away from the excellent story-telling that the novel contains.  If you’re looking for a well written thriller that includes slight Sci-Fi and doesn’t disappoint, then Placebo is where to begin.

 

3.5 out of 5 stars (minus a star for science jargon and a half for the slightly interchangeable Banks & Bowers)

Book Review - The Thirteenth Tale

Disclaimer: Due to an over-stuffing of turkey and other fine Thanksgiving Day treats, and lack of patience with the book title above…I give you the not-so-much Review of The Thirteenth Tale.

 

When you’re a writer, here’s one of the first things they (who are they anyway?) tell you: to be able to hold a reader, your story must have conflict.  Conflict can be psychological or physical, or whatever, but the story must have conflict.  Examples of Conflict: A man who must find a killer, before his wife is killed—physical conflict; a woman who has to find her true love, or she’ll go insane and decide the world isn't worth living anymore—psychological conflict.  And anything and everything in between…this, my friends is conflict.

 

When a story begins and it doesn’t hold my attention from the very beginning, I get extremely bored.  How do I know I get bored?  Easy, I start to fall asleep.  It could be the middle of the day when my energy is at its highest.  If my attention isn’t there, I’ll be out cold in a matter of minutes.  They say your best bet when writing is to have some action in the first chapter to engage the reader, than either backtrack or move forward explaining why that action has happened.  Think about it…if every story started out like real life, where the first chapter has the protagonist getting out of bed, taking a shower, brushing his hair, going to the bathroom, eating breakfast, and then reading the newspaper, the story is going to get stale very quickly because we do that every day.  It better end with him finding a body near the front door before he goes to work, or I’m out.

 

This brings me to the lovely story of “The Thirteenth Tale.”  How did you hear about this one, you ask?  Well, it was recommended on several sites—if you liked “The Shadow of the Wind”, then you’ll love “The Thirteenth Tale.”

 

Story/Thoughts:

Diane Setterfield has written a novel with “Flowery” prose.  I don’t really mind flowery or poetic prose as long as it moves the story forward.  I did say forward, right?  Anyway, the first chapter deals with a woman coming home—she works at a bookstore, which is really the only resemblance of The Shadow of the Wind—and finds an envelope on a step.  But telling you it’s a white envelope with paper inside and her name on the front isn’t enough.  Setterfield rambles for a few pages about handwriting and other memories, and then finally gets back to opening the damn thing.  And this kind of writing goes on, and on, and on…until I couldn’t take it anymore.

 

The big conflict in the book at this point is a great writer, who’s old and weathered by now, wrote a book a long time ago called “Thirteen Tales or something or other” and there was only—shocker: twelve!  Oh no…not twelve, well where the hell is the thirteenth?  We better find that thirteenth tale somewhere, like under the sofa, or way in the back of a closet, or I just can’t go on!

 

I’ll be honest here; this isn’t really a review, because I could not bring myself to finish this novel.  Sorry to all the Diane Setterfield fans out there.  And I know there’s going to be those people who say: “But the ending was unbelievable!”  Well, what if it is the greatest ending ever in the history of stories—does that mean I should have to drudge through 300 pages to find it?  I have precious free time in my life, and I like to spend it enjoying myself.

 

So I gave up somewhere in the vicinity of a hundred pages.  And about 90 of those were spent wondering if the story was finally going to catch my attention.  But it didn’t…and you have to remember one thing:  this doesn’t mean at all that “The Thirteenth Tale” is a bad novel.  Like they (Who’s they again?) say: “To each, his own.”

 

You may love this book, but if your tastes lie on the same side of the fence as me (and reading my other reviews, you’ll get an idea of what I like), than maybe “The Thirteenth Tale” is not for you.  Maybe you should rent it from your local library first, before you go rushing out to buy it.

 

Here’s hoping my next book pick is a little better.  *Raises a glass of milk, and then takes a sip* (Alcohol is bad for your liver people, and you should only drink when you have trustworthy people around you.  God only knows what bad friends will do when you’re passed out.  So drink responsibly; drink with life-long friends…you’ll thank me in the end.)

 

N/A out of 5 stars (gave up after only 100 pages…sad isn’t it?)

Book Review - John Dies @ the End

I know, you see “Book Review” in the title of this post and instantly, that new porn site you found a last night is sounding more and more like it needs a visit, but wait—before you go running off to apply makeup and frolic through some dandelions, hear me out.  Why?  Because this book has been turned into a movie, so maybe you should stick around to find out exactly what it’s all about.

 

Now that I have at least one person’s attention, let me tell you a story.  A co-worker of mine asked me a few days ago:

 

Coworker: “Hey, I seen some new trailers listed.  Was thinking about checking out that ‘John Dies @ the End’—did you see that?”

 

Me: “Yeah, watched it and also read the book.”

 

Coworker: “No crap? What’s it about?”

 

Me: “Meat monsters, penis door handles, farting demons, battle axes, super soaker flame throwers, exploding dogs, gorillas riding giant crabs, shadow people…oh, and soy sauce.”

 

One half of me thought the nonsensical jumble of ridiculous words would magically transform into a perfectly explained story, with plot structure and conflict; the other half expected at least a snicker or a giggle, but neither happened.  Apparently, penis door handles or meat monsters don’t affect him in the least.  So I told him to go watch the trailer and that it’ll straighten everything out.

 

 

Did you watch the trailer above? Great.  Everything makes sense now right?  If the first thing that came to mind was: “I should go check out that new porn site” and the second thing was: “No, the trailer made no friggin’ sense whatsoever.”  Then you’re in the same boat as everyone else.  The funny thing is: the movie looks like it’s doing a perfect job of transforming David Wong’s opus to film…that’s just how messed up this book is folks.

 

Now let me try and explain the plot:

Video store lackey David Wong and his rocker/burn-out friend John end up taking some black drug (soy sauce) that a Jamaican passes around at a concert, and mass hysteria ensues.  Seeing as though these two losers are really the only sensible people out of all the druggies, they must find a way to defeat the dark evil afflicting the Undisclosed town.  Or…they could just decide to drink heavily and pass out.

 

Thoughts:

If you don’t know, this book actually started out as a web-serial that David Wong (psss…not his real name) began writing way back, and would post a chapter every Halloween.  Which hurts the initial chapters a little: they feel somewhat unassociated with the rest of the book, and being thrown into whacked out scenes from the get-go, without any establishment of plot, made it really hard to relate to the main protagonist, Dave.  Luckily though, it was the crazy batsh*t writing that happened in every paragraph that kept me pressing forward.

 

The book is classified as horror comedy.  There are some really gross and disgusting descriptions in the book, but aside from those, nothing that really scared me.  In fact, the disgusting descriptions are what made me laugh.  Guess I have a screwed up sense of humor.

 

If you’re looking for an intellectual book with glorious prose, then this novel is not for you.  If your between 20 and 35 years old, and spend most of your time watching movies, playing video games and looking at porn…this book might just tickle your fancy.

 

As I was saying, after you get through the initial chapters of the book, working your way through the Vegas storyline, stay with it, you’ll be happy you did.  Because once a secondary character named Amy is thrown into the mix, the book actually starts to resemble a real novel, with plot and conflict and everything.  The early females in the story were really nothing more than a few lines of dialogue-throwaways.  But it seems, once Mr. Wong had a clear path to an ending in mind, the book manifests itself into a real page-turner.  Now, that doesn’t mean all the silly crap disappears, it just means the story has direction.

 

A funny scene:

There’s a sequence in the book that involves a shotgun, a crate, and some demons.  If you’re into to video games, like the author, then this scene will make you laugh out loud.  This is one of John’s best moments in the book.  This also brings me to a…

 

Tangent:

David Wong has been working at Cracked.com as head editor for several years now and has some hysterical articles about video games (A gamer’s Manifesto) and his views on life, which I highly recommend if you have some spare time.  The funny thing is: the story behind the novel is even more impressive.  Wong includes it at the back of the book and it can be found on his website.  I actually admire his persistence with writing such a web-serial and having it turn into now, 2 novels and a movie.

 

Conclusion:

So if you’re in the gamer’s club and fancy a horror/comedy story that’s quite silly and really won’t make you any more intelligent once read—in fact, it might kill a few brain cells while reading—then go ahead and pick this one up, you’ll love it.  If you deem yourself an intellectual and above normal society, then go ahead and pass on this one—right after I give you a good smack in the mouth.  Because life is too short to be that serious.

 

Will I venture into the second book? (Yes, there is another)  Right now, I have a backlog of books to read and I’ve already dropped all my acid while deciphering the first book.  So I’ll have to get to my drug dealer first and then contemplate the second novel.  But I do see me reading it eventually…I mean really—do wacky dick jokes ever lose their charm?

 

3.25 out of 5 stars (a little over 3 stars because it’s damn funny at times, but initially, a little scrambled)

 

Book on Amazon