DVD Movie Review - Her

Her takes us on a journey into the future, where grown men play video games, go to work every day, and spend time masturbating in front of their computers.  Doesn't sound too far-fetched, now does it?

STORY:

Theodore (Joaquin Phoenix) spends his days writing other people's love letters, while his own love life is currently falling apart.  His once happy marriage is going down the toilet and signing the divorce papers is all that's left.  But he keeps putting it off.  Theodore doesn't want to let go.  Well, that's until he meets Samantha (voiced by Scarlett Johansson) the new astounding OS system.  After a few conversations with her and a couple a dates (yes, he actually goes on dates with his PC) Theodore decides it may be time to ask the OS to be his girlfriend.  But is love between man and machine doomed from the start?  Fully nude pregnant ladies, artificially intelligent operating systems, vulgar video game characters, cyber orgasms, and a fully mature man crying, whining, and pouting ensues.

"C'mon Lefty, you're better than this.  Samantha's talking all sexy like.  It's time and 

you're performing like five limp noodles.  Don't make me go back to Righty."

THOUGHTS:

Feelings toward this film can go two ways.  Some will view this as a profound love story, delving deep into the question: what is real love?  And others will view this as the creepiest two hours of film they've ever watched.  It really depends on how you feel about technology and watching a grown man choking the chicken to his PC.  If that sounds absurd, then you'll probably fall into the creepy category.  Welcome to the wonderful, yet disturbing world of Her.

Joaquin Phoenix carves into his face one of the best "Chester" mustaches in cinema history, and you better love it, because you're going to see it up close throughout the entire movie.  He spends most of the time talking out loud to absolutely no one and prancing around like he's part of some whimsical fairy tale.  His pants are worn magnificently high, causing his torso to stop just below his armpits.  And if he'd only pulled them up a little higher, he could have fastened the belt around his neck and wore the suspenders over his ears.  You'll come to realize that Phoenix is perfect for this role, whether it's because he has experience with chronic computer masturbation or he's just high on drugs the entire time…either way, well done in the casting department.

"OMG! OMG! OMG!  Everyone, listen.  It's finally happening.  Samantha OS is having a baby."

Rooney Mara plays Catherine, Theodore's soon to be ex-wife.  Most of the time she's on camera in a series of soundless montages with sad music that's trying to break your heart.  Scarlett Johansson spends her time in voice over, and though she does a great job sounding out emotions, you might wonder why they didn't hire a woman with a beautiful British accent.  Everyone knows that when you create a female PC that can orgasm, it does so with a British accent.  Amy Adams plays Theodore's geeky friend named Amy (no kidding).  Most scenes involve her complaining and looking like she just gave herself a haircut with a Flowbee.  Chris Pratt appears for a few minutes to show off his equally high pants, while Kristen Wiig has phone sex involving a dead cat.  Oh, and Olivia Wilde shows up to express exactly how every viewer sees Theodore in one line: "You're a really creepy dude." 

"You've been working that hair over with the vacuum cleaner again, haven't you?"

THE CREEPY FACTOR:

The best thing to do is act like this film is one of the best comedies of the year, because if you're not laughing, you'll be cringing.  If you look at how ridiculous this movie really is, it'll keep you in stitches for the whole two hours.  Aside from the creepy masturbation scenes with triumphant music—as if something profound was happening—there are some hilarious moments.  Think about it.  The dude is dating his PC.  What the hell is funnier than that?  Okay, maybe a Tyrannosaurus Rex attempting to comb his hair, but not by much.  This film is about a guy that runs around carnivals, spinning and dancing like Julie Andrews from the Sound of Music with a little camera in his pocket (Psst...the camera is Samantha supposedly sharing in the moment).  That's it.  That's the movie right there.  Now you might ask, "What would have made it even better?"  Easy...if at the end you found out Theodore is just really bat-crap crazy—think Fight Club—and the whole time Samantha was just in his head.  Now that would have been an awesome twist.  Except, it doesn't happen, and you're still stuck with a giggling fool talking to a palm pilot.

"Oh my God, I finally get it.  He doesn't need car keys, because...he's frigging Godzilla."

THINGS TO PONDER WHILE VIEWING:

If Samantha OS downloads a virus, does Scarlett Johansson's voice get all nasally?  If you’re dating a PC for about three years and the motherboard fries after a heavy cyber orgasm, does this mean you have to start the whole relationship over?  Is it even possible to hide all your downloaded porn from your PC girlfriend?  What if you're in the dog house, does that mean she won't let you access your emails or favorite social site?  What if you just want to come home and play video games, but now your OS girlfriend controls the radio, microwave, thermostat, iPad, gaming console, door locks—holy crap, she's probably even in charge of the remote.

"Listen you f--king idiot.  You keep going the same f--king way and I'm f--king tired of it.  Now, strap on

some f--king balls and follow the f--king left path.  Got it, f--ktard?"

>>MOVIE SPOILERS AHEAD:

(Skip to conclusion if you haven't seen the movie.  Or don't…if you really don't care.)

Not only is Theodore dating a PC funny, but there are several scenes that will make your stomach ache from laughter.  The double date scene on the beach with Chris Pratt and his real girlfriend is something to behold.  The three are lying on a blanket and Samantha OS wants to see Pratt's girlfriend's feet, so she holds the little palm pilot up to her toes and laughs.  And then everyone laughs.  Ha ha ha...hmmm.  Good stuff.  And how about the creepy-funny scene where Theodore and Samantha are actually having a fight and he's getting upset with his PC.  Or better yet, the time where Samantha OS goes offline and he falls all over the sidewalk running through a crowd in a panic.  Hilarious stuff.  If you think about it, this film is just asking someone to write a spoof.

>>END OF SPOILERS<<

"Hey!  Yo!  Rainman, you paying attention?"

"Huh?"

CONCLUSION:

Her happens to not be as profound as you think.  It's just a movie about a lonely guy that spanks it to an electronic voice and then somewhere along the line might learn a lesson.  And with about an extra hour of unnecessary close-ups and crying and whining and flustered emotions over a PC, this movie will have you scratching your head, wondering what all the fuss is about.  There are some truly great moments, like the vulgar video game character or Theodore's developing relationship with Amy or his ex-wife, but in the end, those moments seem jarring when trying to mix with the mushy PC relationship shenanigans.  Her is a great idea, but one that should have traveled down the comedy road, instead of trying to find the meaning of life.  If you feel like laughing at ridiculousness for a couple of hours, then feel free to rent the film.  For everyone else, go out and spend some time chuckling with your family and friends.

2.5 out of 5 Stars (add 2 ½ stars for idea, ridiculousness, and vulgar video game character)