DVD Movie Review - The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Disclaimer: this movie is being reviewed by a thirty-something male and not by a teenage girl that understands life through episodes of Jersey Shore and Teen Mom.  If by chance you find the Hunger Games to be wonderful, do not continue on.  You have been warned.  Also, some spoilers may occur.  But who really cares?

It's been a while since P&P had the pleasure of talking about the beloved Hunger Games, and now here we are…mere days away from its inevitable release and once again millions of nether regions are aflame with anticipation.  To mark the occasion, the powers that be are releasing the Hunger Games: Catching Fire on Friday, March 7th, effectively showing us that such an Oscar worthy film should be put on a pedestal and have its very own release day.  But why stop there?  Why not a Hunger Games Holiday?  What better way to mark this stupendous occasion, than by offering a day free of work and obligations, so family members could sit by the fire, put in the DVD, and begin gouging each other's eyes out. 

"I thought this was gym class?  Why's everyone naked and touching each other in special places?"

STORY:

Katniss (The Oscar winning Jennifer Lawrence) and Peeta (The never Oscar nominated Josh Hutcherson) are back to their old antics again, depressing audiences nationwide and re-falling in love.  Or are they?  Hmmm?  Along the way, big bad President Snow (Donny Sutherland) decides to change the Hunger Games rules and throw past winners back into the ring.  Oh no!  What's a hunger girl to do?  After the worst display of movie love-triangles, Katniss heads back into the lion's den to try and save the day.  Can she overcome bad acting and silly names?  Only two and a half hours of your precious time will tell.  Deadly fogs, angry monkeys, and the silliest premise ensue.

"Oh my God!  Jennifer did it.  She won.  That means it's only inevitable that I get one too."

"Josh, honey, listen to your mother...don't hold your breath."

THOUGHTS:

Before we get rolling on this Hunger train, please head over to our initial review of the Hunger Games to really understand our thoughts on the film's premise.  Only then can you truly comprehend the depth of which we are about to go.  Hold on to your valuables, because this ride is about to get bumpy.

Catching Fire can be easily divided up into three parts: the beginning love triangle, the games, and finally the somewhat aftermath (it's "somewhat" because the film really doesn't end inasmuch as it just dies).  The love triangle aspect hangs around for about an hour, leaving the remaining time to feature Survivor-esque team-ups and PG-13 non-killings.  And since P&P is always generous to our readers, allow us to give you the shortened version of what really happened during the love triangle fiasco.  Then you can simply fast forward to the games, without missing a beat.

 "Please!  Don't let them take me away!  Not like this.  Not by two men in pajamas 

and foam shoulder pads!"

And now a brief reenactment of the first act (A.K.A. the love triangle):

"Do you love him?"  The other guy asked.

"Who?"  Katniss answered, batting her eyes.

"Him?  You know…Peter, or Petro, or—"

"Peeta?  Gale, my love, you know it was just an act to survive the games."

"But now you're marrying him?"

"Yes.  But I'm turkey hunting with you."

This has been a brief reenactment.  We can now return to your regularly scheduled review.

"If you think plastic helmets and grey tracksuits scare me...Ha!  Think again, my friend.  

Think...again."

If you're like most, the actual slaying in the games may be the only thing helping you through the experience.  Unfortunately, the games don't last as long as the first movie.  In fact, the games are cut quite short this time around.  Sure you may get a dash of murderous fog here, or a pinch of angry monkey there; but overall, more excitement has been had during the curling competitions at the Olympics.  And then the movie ends, but not before the huge twisting reveal that you saw coming ten minutes into the first movie.

In the time following the original Hunger Games, our heroine, Jenny Lawrence, has obtained the holy grail of awards and still she looks as bored as ever.  It's really not her fault as we've seen superb acting and humor flow out of her in both the Silver Linings Playbook and American Hustle.  It's amazing the impact an excellent director, great writing, and a solid cast will have on an actress.  On the other hand, the magic between Lawrence and Hutcherson or even Hemsworth is so lousy, you could easily find more chemistry between two toasters nestled together on a shelf.

"If these pectorals don't say I love you, Bella, I don't know--"

"Cut!  How many times do we have to tell you?  This isn't Twilight."

There are, however, a few actors wasting their talents in this film, attempting to bring a below par story up to about sea level: Woody Harrelson, Donald Sutherland, and Philip Seymour Hoffman.  These thespians should be commended at least with a golf clap as the movie sinks.  Elizabeth Banks could almost be likable if it wasn't for her over-acting and ridiculous outfits.  And Stanley Tucci seems to be the only person that knows how comical the story is and uses that to his advantage.

There is one redeeming aspect of the movie: the political undertones.  But unfortunately they're only touched on in a few spots, leaving most of the plot to fester in makeshift love stories and twists you already know are coming.  There could have been a lot to learn from a society enslaved by a tyrannical leader like President Snow—especially for younger audiences—so thank goodness the writers and production crew decided to gloss over it like broccoli stranded on a plate of spaghetti.

"They've done it.  They've really done it."

"Yeah.  Splitting the last book into two terrible movies.  Unbelievable."

CONCLUSION:

Just like the first movie, Catching Fire continues to beat the snot out of a foolish premise, push a nonexistent love story, and leave dead bodies in the wake of a PG-13 rating.  This movie could've amped up the killing and action, giving boyfriends everywhere at least some respect, but alas, it leaves them no other option but to lie and say they were at the ballet.  The acting in the Hunger Games: Catching Fire slightly improves, but with dialogue reminiscent of Sci-Fi B-movies, the film proudly remains a waste of two and a half hours.  The upside is you could always do something much more productive with your time like fly swatting, basket weaving, or sleeping.

2 out of 5 stars (needed a little more cowbell)